Hi everyone!  We are finally back home and are mostly settled in, although we're all still a bit tired!  For those of you who didn't know, the surprise destination was Disneyworld, Florida.  I managed to keep it a secret until we reached the hotel we stayed at the day before we had an early flight to Orlando.  The kids were really surprised, and they had no idea we were flying somewhere instead of driving!  It was a real treat to experience their first plane ride,  "We're so high, mama!"  "Look how tiny everything is!"  "We're higher than the clouds!"  I enjoyed every minute of it.  God blessed us with flights that were on time, too, so there wasn't too much waiting around, thankfully.

Arriving at the hotel was a trip in itself--it's really cool!  It's called "Pop Century" and the theme is celebrating the trends of the past several decades.  I included pictures of the hotel in my photo album on this site.  Since I have TONS of pictures, I have decided to tell you about our vacation in "installments."  So this time I'm telling you about our trip and the first day or so in Florida.  Since we didn't arrive until mid-afternoon at our hotel, we decided to just hang out and swim in the pool and have dinner at the hotel cafeteria.  The kids were so impressed that at one point one of them said to me, "Mom, where are the rides?"  LOL  I said, "Honey, this is just the hotel--we haven't even seen Disneyworld yet!"  The hotel had 3 pools, and one was right outside our rooms, so that was convenient :)

I am happy to report that Ian, Hanson and Ryder were just fine while we were gone, and they barely missed me (don't I feel special now? lol)  I am so glad they had a great time with my friends--a special thank you to you, Napekoski family!  Love you!  But now I am faced with missing my precious princess as she continues her vacation in Florida with my parents for a couple of weeks.  Once again, I know she'll have a great time with them, but it's such a long time for mama!  It's so hard to walk into her room and expect to see her sleeping or playing, and then remember she's not here...

Well, I guess that's it for today...I'll continue to work on getting more photos on this site and more memories of our trip...God bless you all!

 On this day, I am sitting at a picnic table under a beautiful healthy maple tree, doing some reading and journaling...God brought my attention to the tree, and I looked up, seeing the great canopy of leaves giving me shelter from the hot summer sun.  It was then I noticed that this tree was heavy-laden with thousands of seeds.  God asked me, "How many of these seeds do you think will become new trees?"  I comtemplated this and replied, "Well, a lot of the seeds will be blown into the water by the wind and sink to the bottom of the lake.  Then more of the seeds will fall onto the docks below and will be swept up by the groundskeepers of this park.  Still other seeds will fall to the ground, only to be mowed under or raked up.  So I suppose, Lord, that very precious few of these seeds will ever become full-grown trees."

It's a sobering thought--for all of those who hear the Word, precious few will be seeds that grow into "fruit-bearing" trees.  Jesus said, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few."  It is our main task while on this earth to sow those seeds, and to nurture them to maturity.  This speaks to me as a mom--it is a burden that is on my heart daily--the daunting task of raising these children that God has entrusted to me--not only to be capable adults, but mature Christians, ready to seek God, to find where He is working, and to join Him in His work.  I pray daily that God will give me the wisdom and the strength to do this.  I am so grateful that God hears all our prayers, and He answers them:

"My (daughter), if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding."  Proverbs 2: 1-6

I find myself crying out for understanding and wisdom a lot these days--thank you, dear Father, for hearing me and for answering my prayers!

"But blessed is the (woman) who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  She will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."  Jer 17:7-8

Hi everyone!

I hope you've all had a wonderful weekend and are ready for the week ahead...I wish I could say that "I" was ready for the week ahead, but honestly, I'm pretty stressed out!  We are packing and getting ready to leave for a much-needed vacation this week, and, well, I'm the type of person who will suffer with the anxiety of all the details until I'm literally on the road--then maybe I will finally exhale-LOL!  My poor kids are so restless now that it's so close, and to make matters worse, they have NO IDEA where they are going--the destination is a surprise, so I will have to tell you all when we get back ;)  But I know they are going to have an awesome time, and I'm also sure we'll have lots of pictures to share with you!

On top of all this running around, planning, packing, etc., it's been a very emotional time for me...You see, I've decided that it's best to leave Ian, Hanson and Ryder with my dear friend and her family.  I am sure they will have a wonderful time, but it will be the longest time I've ever been away from any of them, and that is giving me a bit of "separation anxiety."  I know it's a good thing, and it means I have to put more trust in God to take care of them while I'm away, but somehow that's not very comforting just yet...

In addition to this, because I'm leaving Ryder behind, I am having to wean him from nursing.  This is proving to be harder than I thought, because there are so many mixed emotions tied in with it--I've enjoyed having this bond with my babies for, oh, 12 years, and now I am facing the very real possibility that this will be the last time I will ever experience this--Maybe some of you are thinking, "Gee, Kim, you've had eight kids, aren't you satisfied yet?"  Well, it was never about numbers, just the calling and purpose God put on my heart.  And when Bill died, this part of my life was abruptly put to an end.  I just didn't feel like I had time to adjust to the idea of me not having any more children, and so I got upset with God.

Well, I'm much better about the whole thing now, but when it came time to wean Ryder, the anger welled up in me again, and I cried out to God and said, "Why, Lord, after all these years it took me to completely surrender to your will and gladly accept however many children you wanted to give me, did you take it all away?"  It's almost like winning a race, only to be told, "Sorry, but we moved the finish line, so actually, you lost."  Well, God listened to me whine for a bit, then He replied, "Kim, just think about this:  What if, all those years ago, you chose NOT to follow me and refused to have some or all of these children?  How much more would your mourning be!"  And that is true--at least I can say that I followed God, to the best of my human ability, and trusted Him.  I guess this is a very good lesson for an obsessive planner like me--I like to see the road ahead, to know what's around every corner.  I find security in the predictable.  Well, God has certainly showed me that life is anything but predictable, and I'm just going to have to constantly lay down my worries, anxieties and burdens at His feet.  Maybe I just need to be more like Abraham--when God calls me to "Go," I can't ask Him 20 questions about where, when, how, and why, but rather, I just have to say, "Yes, Lord, I'm on my way!"

On a lighter note, the work on our house is going slow, but steady--the guys have been busy with work, so they have not been able to be here very much, but Rich was here just the other day, and he gladly sacrified his entire day to continue the tedious process of taping and mudding the downstairs rooms, as well as starting to sand the bedrooms--we really appreciate you, Rich--thanks so much for being here!

Well, I pray you will all have a blessed week while I'm away--say a prayer for us, if you don't mind, that the travel will be safe, and that we'll enjoy this special time together.  Please pray also for my friends who are caring for my little ones, that their time will be fun and light, with no accidents or unwanted surprises :)

God bless you all,

Kim

Happy Independence Day!

I pray you are all enjoying a holiday weekend with friends and family and are taking a few moments to thank God and all of those who have made our freedom possible...We have been taking it easy around here--we're still recovering from the other night's festivities.  The whole town turned out for the dedication of a new baseball field, followed by an exhibition game that Connor got to play in, and later, fireworks.  It was, I suppose, a sort of Norman Rockwell setting, with the smells of food grilling, the sounds of a live band echoing through the fields, and lots of people just enjoying the warm summer evening.  The kids got to play with friends, and we had a picnic dinner on the grass while waiting for the fireworks.  Now, being a small town, we couldn't afford a huge display, but for a town who hasn't had their own fireworks in at least a dozen years, we were all cheering and clapping as if they were the best we'd ever seen.  Most of my kids had never seen them before because it's difficult to have to drive far away to see them, then get stuck in an hour of traffic on the way home, and then to have to drag them to bed so late.

Anyhow, God has shown me how to capture a moment and to just hold on to it--to completely experience it--and to add it to my precious memories, and so I sat back in my lawnchair and held Ian as we watched the show.  Every time the sky lit up, I showed him how wonderful it was, and sometimes he agreed, but mostly he turned to me and said, "I don't think I like fireworks, mama."  Poor thing!  But I just cherished every word--holding him, listening to the other kids "oooo and ahhh" over the sparkling lights, and I thanked God for giving me one more day, one more wonderful memory, one more moment...

And so today we just left the house a mess and went outside to enjoy the day...the house will still be here tomorrow, waiting for a good cleaning-lol!  We are hoping to spend some time with friends later on the in the weekend and have a cook-out.  Maybe we'll find those water balloons I bought a while ago and have a great balloon battle!  I hope you enjoy the new album of pictures I added, and that you have a weekend filled with memories and moments...

God bless you, and God Bless America!

Kim

Hi everyone,

It's hard to believe June is almost over!  As I mentioned before, my oldest boys spent the week at boys' camp, and today I went to pick them up.  Traditionally there is a sort of closing ceremony, a time when Chris, the camp owner, and the main speaker, take a little time to explain what the boys did that week and what they learned.  The boys get the chance to stand up and say what they liked best about camp, and then we see a wonderful slide show of the week's events.  Finally Chris takes a few moments to talk to the parents, and to impart some wisdom on childrearing for us (he has raised 11 children, so he's got some credentials-lol!)  Today's topic was how to teach our children about pain.  Of course that got my attention, considering our situation, and I was blessed by his message.  He talked about how we need to prepare our children for the fact that during their lifetimes, they will experience pain, and that how we react to pain will influence how they deal with it when it falls on them.  He went on to describe a particularly painful time in his life--the death of his father.  But God stretched him even more, because while the family was preparing for his funeral, Chris got the shocking news that his mother was killed in a car accident.  He was not prepared for this part of the pain, and of course he wept and felt all that emotion.  But he told us even in that profound sorrow he had hope and he looked up to heaven and actually thanked Jesus for giving him that pain because now he would have the opportunity to grow closer to Him.

Some of you may find that odd, but it really rang true with me.  I too felt profound shock and pain when Bill died, but even before I left the hospital, I felt the spirit of God    covering me, and I knew then that God was going to carry me through this.  And in that first week, I cried out to God and thought to myself, "God must have a great amount of faith in me to bring this upon me, because I know I cannot do this out of my own power."  And instead of hiding from the pain, I tried to feel it--in manageable amounts, mind you, but I didn't let myself ignore the magnitude of what had just happened to me and my children.  And my children did look to me to see how I was handling things.  I tried to make sure that I was real and honest with them, and they did see me cry, but I never let them see me lose control, because I wanted to reassure them that they were safe.  We never stopped talking about Daddy--the topic did not become "taboo."  And we were able to share so many happy memories. 

 And as the weeks and months wore on, there were those who were (understandably) concerned about the children, that maybe they needed some grief counseling.  I have prayed about this, and several times have asked the older ones if they wanted to talk to my counselor about Daddy.  Their answers were basically, "Why would I need to do that?"  Now I am not saying that there won't come a day when they will want some sort of help to understand all they have been through, and I certainly would never deny them that opportunity, but I felt hopeful that they were able to adapt to this huge life change because God was helping me through it, and I knew they were watching me.  I openly shared my story with people who I encountered, not because I was seeking pity, but because I wanted to share what God was doing in my life, and I found that living through a "tragedy" was a good catalyst to share Christ with people who I otherwise would not have been able to.  The kids overheard me talk about this on many occasions.  I pray that helped them...

As a matter of fact, shortly after Bill died, there were sadly 3 sudden deaths in our towns--all of them were parents of young children, and one of them had a son on William's baseball team.  I took Will aside and said, "You know exactly how this boy feels, William.  Maybe you could spend some time with him--maybe you could even tell him about how God is helping you through this."  Now, I'm not sure whether William ever had or took that opportunity, but I know he understood how God could use his pain to help someone else.

And so today as I walked into that room and hugged my boys, they suddenly appeared to have aged a year (sniff!), and I was so proud of them, of the young men they are becoming.  I thank God that He gave us this pain, not because we like it, but because of the work God is doing in us.  I look forward to seeing how my boys will take this experience on into adulthood and how they will draw on it to help others...

Finally, it is God's grace that allows us to move on.  God told me early on in this journey that Bill's death was not the end of my life, but rather the beginning of the next part of my life.  I was angry with God for saying that then, but I trused Him, and I believe it to be true.  I almost feel guilty when I say to you that I truly am happy and content, and I look forward to what God has for me next...thanks for sharing in this adventure!

May God bless you all!

Kim