| | Hi everyone, It's hard to believe June is almost over! As I mentioned before, my oldest boys spent the week at boys' camp, and today I went to pick them up. Traditionally there is a sort of closing ceremony, a time when Chris, the camp owner, and the main speaker, take a little time to explain what the boys did that week and what they learned. The boys get the chance to stand up and say what they liked best about camp, and then we see a wonderful slide show of the week's events. Finally Chris takes a few moments to talk to the parents, and to impart some wisdom on childrearing for us (he has raised 11 children, so he's got some credentials-lol!) Today's topic was how to teach our children about pain. Of course that got my attention, considering our situation, and I was blessed by his message. He talked about how we need to prepare our children for the fact that during their lifetimes, they will experience pain, and that how we react to pain will influence how they deal with it when it falls on them. He went on to describe a particularly painful time in his life--the death of his father. But God stretched him even more, because while the family was preparing for his funeral, Chris got the shocking news that his mother was killed in a car accident. He was not prepared for this part of the pain, and of course he wept and felt all that emotion. But he told us even in that profound sorrow he had hope and he looked up to heaven and actually thanked Jesus for giving him that pain because now he would have the opportunity to grow closer to Him. Some of you may find that odd, but it really rang true with me. I too felt profound shock and pain when Bill died, but even before I left the hospital, I felt the spirit of God covering me, and I knew then that God was going to carry me through this. And in that first week, I cried out to God and thought to myself, "God must have a great amount of faith in me to bring this upon me, because I know I cannot do this out of my own power." And instead of hiding from the pain, I tried to feel it--in manageable amounts, mind you, but I didn't let myself ignore the magnitude of what had just happened to me and my children. And my children did look to me to see how I was handling things. I tried to make sure that I was real and honest with them, and they did see me cry, but I never let them see me lose control, because I wanted to reassure them that they were safe. We never stopped talking about Daddy--the topic did not become "taboo." And we were able to share so many happy memories. And as the weeks and months wore on, there were those who were (understandably) concerned about the children, that maybe they needed some grief counseling. I have prayed about this, and several times have asked the older ones if they wanted to talk to my counselor about Daddy. Their answers were basically, "Why would I need to do that?" Now I am not saying that there won't come a day when they will want some sort of help to understand all they have been through, and I certainly would never deny them that opportunity, but I felt hopeful that they were able to adapt to this huge life change because God was helping me through it, and I knew they were watching me. I openly shared my story with people who I encountered, not because I was seeking pity, but because I wanted to share what God was doing in my life, and I found that living through a "tragedy" was a good catalyst to share Christ with people who I otherwise would not have been able to. The kids overheard me talk about this on many occasions. I pray that helped them... As a matter of fact, shortly after Bill died, there were sadly 3 sudden deaths in our towns--all of them were parents of young children, and one of them had a son on William's baseball team. I took Will aside and said, "You know exactly how this boy feels, William. Maybe you could spend some time with him--maybe you could even tell him about how God is helping you through this." Now, I'm not sure whether William ever had or took that opportunity, but I know he understood how God could use his pain to help someone else. And so today as I walked into that room and hugged my boys, they suddenly appeared to have aged a year (sniff!), and I was so proud of them, of the young men they are becoming. I thank God that He gave us this pain, not because we like it, but because of the work God is doing in us. I look forward to seeing how my boys will take this experience on into adulthood and how they will draw on it to help others... Finally, it is God's grace that allows us to move on. God told me early on in this journey that Bill's death was not the end of my life, but rather the beginning of the next part of my life. I was angry with God for saying that then, but I trused Him, and I believe it to be true. I almost feel guilty when I say to you that I truly am happy and content, and I look forward to what God has for me next...thanks for sharing in this adventure! May God bless you all! Kim |
