i woke up this morning...

and felt excited.

maybe it had to do with my amazing dream last night and the promises of hope it contained for the future, or the fact that it's our first official growth group meeting today, or the beauty of 29 degrees after a high of 14 two days ago. or the endorphins released in my body because i'm finally exercising again... but whatever it is, i find myself filled with contentment and excitement for the now, as well as a heightened expectation and anticipation for the future.

God is good... when i'm grieving and don't leave my bed, and when i soak up the sun and feel on top of the world.

God is good.

Currently Listening United We Stand By Hillsong United From the Inside Out see related

and so it goes...

this last week has been good - steady-like. which is quite a statement for someone like me. i need more steady in my life. actually, i think it's probably one of my biggest struggles. my mind and my heart move at a mile a minute and i often find myself flying to extremes. i admire those people whose lives exude constancy and steadfastness. may that be something that characterizes my life more and more.

i know the last post was a bit heavy, so i won't go there right now. instead, i'm going to post some pictures of the latest blessing in my life: my growth group. ganesh (a guy i met about 2 months ago) and i have just started to co-lead a growth group with about 8 or 9 others. we've had about 3 unofficial social gatherings, and already i'm blown away at how God has orchestrated all of this... they are such fantastic people and i can't wait to journey with them in the years to come.

five of us went to the tulip farm/festival a week and a half ago. it was beautiful. stunning, really. here are some pictures:

it's amazing that we all met each other a mere three weeks ago. when God is in it, it's always good. 

hope you are doing well... i'm not sure who the "you" is, but i hope you are doing well, and experiencing the goodness, beauty and steadfastness of the Lord.

the heart of God...

do you remember the Jesus pictures you were shown in sunday school? even though i lived in the brown-skinned country of the Philippines, Jesus was always white with long, dirty-blonde hair and a fluffy beard. what i remember most about Jesus was that he was always smiling. maybe in the garden of Gethsemane he showed some perspiration and tears, but predominantly he had a big grin on his face, perhaps with a hint of laughter on the corners of his mouth.

someone asked me a couple days ago why i couldn't just "get over this grief." a bit harsh, but i knew what they meant. after a few more hours of crying and praying, i realised why i couldn't seem to lift the heaviness of grief from my heart. yes, part of it is because i love nathan dearly and care for his life, but there was something else... it was as if i was grieving for more than just nathan.

in the last week, i feel like God has let me share a minute part of the grief within his own heart. this isn't just about the sadness of broken bodies and physical agony, but the excruciating agony of knowing the judgement of God and the state of rebellion so many are in. this is about realizing that while i have hope and comfort, so many do not. this is about realizing my part to play in this brief time on earth. this is about ridding myself of apathy, and frankly, laziness, as i live each day around those who have no future or hope to speak of.

i find myself between the impending hammer of judgement and the lives of those i love, crying out with one word: MERCY. friends, this is our calling. itercession is the act of intervening... that is our role. we have been given hope we don't deserve. we have been pardoned though guilty. now we, the pardoned ones, need to re-enter the courts. we have an agenda. we have a calling to fight, plead, and petition God for the lives of those we love... and those we don't.

i'm sure Jesus was happy while he was here. but i wonder what his times were like when he was alone on the mountainsides. i have a feeling there might have been some tears, some pain, some wrestling. i have a feeling he might have grieved knowing that one of his beloved disciples would choose rebellion. and i know he grieved when he realized that even after his astonishing sacrifice on the cross there would be those who would turn and walk away.

and yet, here we are... though we are "prone to wander" God has kept us faithful by his grace and has made us partakers of his glory. what will we do with this hope? what will we do with this faith? what will we do?

numb...

...that's what i feel right now.

i just found out yesterday that one of my closest friends from the Philippines was hit by a taxi in Austria. he broke nearly every major bone in his face, and both of his legs have multiple breaks as well. he is in critical condition and in an induced coma.

after about 15 hours of praying, and weeping, i have to wonder... what does it mean to trust God fully for the things out of our control and be governed by peace? i'm not upset or angry. but i am grieving. i hope we're allowed to cry and scream and feel broken and still trust God.

so, for anyone who is actually reading this blog, i beg of you to pray for Nathan. pray for an encounter with God even as he is in a coma, for healing, for restoration... pray for his parents who are on the way to Austria, and pray for his older brother and younger sister. please, please pray.

i remember praying for Nathan a few weeks or months ago, and asking God to encounter him in a powerful way while he was in Austria... dear God, if this was the answer...

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Currently Listening Albertine By Brooke Fraser see related

it's been awhile...

but i'm still alive.

my sister started posting on her xanga a few weeks ago. and while i don't copy her in everything, getting back into the xanga-swing-of-things seemed like a good idea... and after being reminded of my rather long absence by a friend, i decided i would break the silence. it isn't that i don't like xanga... it's more that facebook has changed my world. however, the blogging crave doesn't quite get met there, so here's to hoping that it won't be 5 months till my next post! 

i thought i'd go easy on myself and fill this post with pictures. besides, they speak a thousand words, right? hopefully you can get a glimpse into my life... and maybe even feel like you're a part of it, even if it's just by looking at pictures. cheers.

about three months ago, i went on a 3-week holiday to perth. the main reason was to fulfill my promise to naomi and be there for her wedding; but in the meantime, i got to rock around my favourite place in australia with some of my favourite people in the world. here are a few highlights.

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naomi's hen's night & wedding. aussie weddings are extremely different to anything i've ever known. let's just say this: we were laughing from beginning to end. i don't think there was one tear. so strange. but still beautiful.

with benjamin, sonya, and nathan. children grow up too fast!

sending lainy off to south africa. this picture was before the tears... i love this girl.

grandad & i at the beach. spending time with this man had to be one of, if not the, best highlight of my time in perth. i have officially adopted him as my grandfather, and he calls me his granddaugher. i feel so very honoured.

me & the aussie bush. uncle mike and aunty joss took me around the aussie countryside, which consists primarily of bush. very fun and interesting.

mindy, her family & i in albany, western australia. ladies and gentlemen, this might be one of my favourite places in the whole world. i wish these pictures did justice to the majestic beauty of this place, but they don't, so you'll just have to come and see for yourself.

perth skyline & airport goodbyes. about 4 hours before i left perth, i went on a whirlwind tour of perth city at night with uncle mike and ben. the city is gorgeous, and it was a fun ending to my time there. but then the goodbyes came... funnily enough, saying goodbye to them this time around was so much easier... like i knew for certain it was more of a "see you later" than "goodbye"... that felt inexplicably good.

i was going to post pictures of my day out in the tulip gardens with my growth group, but i think i'll save it for the next post. i've got to pace myself.

in the meantime, i'll leave with this thought. Christ came that we might have life, and life more abundant. i've been thinking about this recently. if we are not living the abundant, Spirit-filled life that Christ died for us to have, what life are we living? my contentment with the things that hinder His abundant life in me is astonishing. may we have eyes to see what those things are and do away with them with the power of His Spirit. Christ died that we might truly live. i want to live.

talk to you soon!