njc19's Xanga

my mac is sick

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:32:16 GMT

my mac is in the laptop hospital right now. it's hard drive crashed or something funky like that. i'm really sad and really frustrated but what can i do? as long as they can fix it or give me another one i'm cool. i just dont want to lose all my notes. grrr.

i'm trying to finish all my work. it is boding well so far. today i finished 2 drafts for 2 papers and i'm about to finish up the 3rd one. then tomorrow i will probably work on my syllabus project and thursday i'll start paper #4. friday is for editting as well as saturday and sunday. then monday i have to start studying for wednesday's quiz and make sure i hand in my first paper. tuesday is studying and polishing off my stuff for wednesday as well as study. and wednesday is party night unless i dont get 2 papers done by then. i think i'm in fairly good shape but you never know. eh...

my work lover is good. i'm confused by him all ready. i told him i liked harry potter and he made fun of me. then i went and saw him the other day and he tells me, "i was thinking of watching harry potter with you tonight". weird. we couldn't because his dad took his dvd player but eh..it's the thought that counts. besides cool runnings is way better. and we did other stuff too lol. damn. i'm hooked and i really didn't want to be...at least not this early in the game. argh!!

the dark knight

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:59:11 GMT

i've been a naughty girl. to be quite honest it feels good though. i've been seeing someone i probably shouldn't be seeing and it's too soon to tell where it's going if it's going anywhere at all. some people know and some people don't. i prefer if only a few people know and not a whole lot of others. not that i'm embarrassed it's just...it's not a big deal. i am harsh crushing on this guy which is a scary thought and i don't really want to be. but like kat has been telling me, i shouldn't be punishing him or myself for past men and their mistakes. some people at work know... well i believe one person definitely knows that something is going on and someone knows that something has happened but that it hasn't continued or progressed. i would prefer if they kept their mouths shut and didn't gossip but like that's going to happen. i am dreading going into work tomorrow only because he's there and im there and the other two people who know are going to be there. i get teased and he get's high-fived. it sucks because it's totally not fair. he should get teased too. but whatever. as long as he's not getting made fun of because im hideous than there's no worries hahaha. the last time we worked together (on wednesday for like half an hour) it was super weird only because we were standing there talking and looking at each other and my manager made it weird or else it would've been fine. asshole. i dunno. i dont want things to get blown out of proportion. i'm just getting out of a long and emotional rollercoaster of a relationship where i was soo miserable and i'm finally finally finally happy and i am enjoying so much being single and being free and independent that i dont want to jump into a relationship with another guy at the moment. it does feel nice being wanted and desired though. it's a relief actually because after a break up i feel like... what if no other guy wants me? lol. it's a horrible thought to have and i feel so insecure for saying it but it crosses my mind. so yes. that is what's happening and if you haven't guess it is a work fling which is totally wrong and probably is really stupid. whatever. i'm having fun. hahaha. this is something i'll look back on and think... well i dont know what i'll think. depends where this goes i suppose. it's still way too new to tell. blah.

the dark knight was a fantastic movie.

finances

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:23:21 GMT

i figured out how to pay my bills online. woooo. it wasn't difficult i'm just stupid haha. so here i sit looking at my bills and how much money i have trying to figure out whether or not i can afford anything. pretty much no but that's ok because i have things figured out in my head so i'm not worried. looks like i'll be heading to the bank with my hands palm up asking for a hand out. that's ok though because i dont need that much i don't think....i obsess over this a lot. it drives me crazy though. i have profit sharing and i applied for a bursary. i have a lot of saved up vacation pay. i'm not going to quit ct until after i get back from my semester at sea!!!! (wooooohooooo) so i'll have a job when i get back which is a nice feeling than feeling unemployed. i will be working a little more in the fall and if i can plan it out right i'll work more in the spring as well so i'll slowly be paying off my credit card sort of... at least make somewhat of a dent in it. i have no idea how i spend so much when i never use it?!! it's mostly textbooks though....and fixing my parents car. i don't know. i dont have any money for skating so somehow i'll have to figure that out. hmmmm.... i just don't want a lot of debt when i graduate but i mean...under 15000 isn't bad and that's definitely payable over 5 years, even less because i just wont move out hahaha. my poor parents. right now i have to concentrate on writing all these stupid papers. not looking forward to that but i know that 2 of them are a given and the other 2 are not. sigh. i'm so excited about my trip i know it'll be the trip of a lifetime and such a great experience and i'm so excited to meet new people and see new sights and just get out of surrey. blech. i hate surrey. it'll be super hot too which could be good and bad. i might cry. probably will because it'll be hard being away for my brother's bday, my dad's bday, my parent's anniversary (though i think i might be home in time for that), and my brother's wedding anniversary. but you know what? i'm doing this for me. for my sanity. to say that i have travelled. so there. haha. im giddy like a school girl and i love it. im sure this iced cap has something to do with it too. too much sugar all at once! aaahhhh.
soooo looking forward to camping. love camping. and not looking forward to root canal. boo. life is changing and all of a sudden i have regained my passion for life. it's awesome. i am so so so so very very happy. couldn't be happier. i cant remember feeling this happy even though i'm so completely stressed out. sitting here typing about it isn't helping the situation much on the homework side but i cant help it, i need to express myself. id scream out loud but my lisp makes me a little self conscious about talking hahahaha. god i sound like a flamer. lol. it's ok though it'll go away once the grills come off.

gonna go study outside. i hate ants.

sitting in class....

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:50:45 GMT

to avoid further misunderstandings and false interpretations...i am going to appeal to no audience whatsoever because obviously i am dealing with problems of hyper sensitivity. but then again..people will always be offended. and this is not the first time someone has read something i've written and automatically assumed it was about them. so instead of using "you" i will substitute it for random words. perhaps this will end up becoming confusing and cryptic but if that is what needs to happen then so be it. apparently i've struck a chord with some, which is funny. rather than being mature...it resorted to shameful and immature name calling and hateful words. obviously one line of randomness became a huge deal and provoked an unwarranted response. if it didn't offend the response wouldn't have happened or have been as long winded as it was. perhaps there is some truth in what i said. most likely. which makes it even funnier because it wa not intended for a specific person but more so it was a general comment. like i said...hyper sensitive. god...am i in high school again? i guess so. i guess i will have to grow up. and carry on.
I don't know why this is still bothering me. perhaps because i can't feel free to write on here, uninhibited. but apparently that's not possible so i'm constantly having to censor myself. i don't live in a communist or fascist country. it's not totalitarian. or any sort of dictatorship at all. but here i sit...censoring myself. for what? so that some person doesn't cry about what i say? that's retarded.

i have a stressful next few days coming up. paper due thursday. midterm friday. midterm monday, midterm tuesday. then 4 papers and a syllabus to write. still eating through a straw. i heart meal replacements haha. at least now i dont have to eat meat. good. blech. i hate red meat...half way through eating a hamburger i become aware that i'm eating a cow and it grosses me out.

so stoked for tomorrow night. yogi and booboo reunited and it feels so good. with kat and chris. i love exploding things. and fire. so i mean..it's just so fitting. still have to take my dad out for father's day. by the time he gets a day off it'll be his birthday so i suppose it will have to be a combination. my mom is so upset that she hasnt bought a wedding present for my brother. she's going to get them a bbq and i think i'll just buy the propane from work lol. discount!!! i dont have any money to spare. i feel bad for not buying them anything but what can i say? school is expensive. so is skating. i think coach is planning on taking us to winterfest in Ontario. plus provincials are in kelowna. and then nationals are back east again. and then i think we're going to everett too. and we have more summer ice. at least we don't have to do regionals. i hate that competition. oh and i think we may be going to rose bowl...maybe. though i think it is on the same weekend as winterfest so hmm..that may not work. traveling = expensive. it'll be an extra probably 1000 or so on top of the 1500 hmm....this is depressing. im hoping next semester will be slightly cheaper b/c i'm taking distance ed...but then again...you never know. i just figure that if i'm not in class then it'll be cheaper. will it not? eh...w/e i just have to deal.

blah...teacher keeps talking. time for a movie.

grow up

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:49:59 GMT

braces. who'd a thunk it? i hate them. i'm miserable. but then again at least i dont have to wear them as long as others have. but still. eating through a straw sucks balls. all i want is to eat normal people food and not meal replacements and banana strawberry shakes and porridge. blech. w/e i've lost a few pounds already and it's only been a few days. i cant even imagine what i'll look like in a few weeks. i don't get to see my orthodontist until august and more likely that not he's going to still leave in the thingies that are preventing me from chewing b/c he doesn't want me to bite on my back teeth. boo hoo. =( i'm such a whiner but i don't care. at least i get to eat popsicles though that hurts like a mother too. frig!

so my brother is married. finally. can't believe he found someone that will put up with him. but for how long??? hahah. j/k they are super cute. i want to be an aunt so they better get on that. (i'm sure they have). eeewwwwww. anyways. yes. seeing all their presents made me want to get married. and i just want to be the center of attention and have all these people say nice things about me. (like that would happen) mental note: don't let S say anything at my wedding. j/k olive juice. *

as it stands..i have 5 papers to write. 4 exams. and 1 syllabus project to complete before the end of july. grrr. why i subject myself to this torture i do not know. next semester i'm planning on taking 2 distance ed classes and 2 other classes so that i can work a little more and make some more money so that my parents don't have to pay for skating. i will have to apply for a loan soon also. I'm going to wait to see first if i get into u of VA before i do that just incase i need to ask for a little bit more. they sent me a brochure and it looks pretty awesome so i'm totally stoked.

choreography has started. LOVE LOVE LOVE the music and the program. i really hope k goes through w/ the dresses me and dez looked at. amazing!! muahaha i can't wait for next season. canucks game...here i come. *hopefully

i'm excited about having some nice teeth. a sexy smile. i hate the process but whatever. in the end i suppose it'll be worth it. i just wish it could be faster. or that i did this when i was 13 like everyone else.

im sad that i'm not playing baseball. though with the hardwire on i guess i'm relieved tht i dont have to wear a mouth guard.

i'm quite proud of myself. i'm making connections at school for like the first time ever. it's weird. i'm a nice friendly person but i always feel like i'm out of place at school. because the classes are smaller i've been in classes where i've been with some of the same people not for a long time. this semester i met M and S and a few others and it's been nice because i have people to sit with and talk to. even people that i dont know chat it up with me and i'm glad. that's the purpose of univ besides the education. i think now that i'm independent completely it's been helping me get back to where i want to be. with the train tracks though i wont be all that talkative though i'm trying. lol. it's funny hearing me. w/e. i look good naked. in your face.

ive been thinking about all the vacations i want to take once im finished school. vegas is definitely on the top of my list. along with disney world again. K and C showed exuberant interest in going w/ me. as well as S. so we'll see how that plans out. i hope we all can go. i'm excited to go on all the scary rides like the hulk and dr. doom!!! dueling dragons!!! just 3 more semesters nicole. only 3. too bad i couldn't figure out my life earlier on. maybe i would've been done by now or a little closer. oh well. what's done is done.

i like how people are insecure. it reminds me of me. lol. hypocrite!! i would sure say so. but i think i'm moving past that. i think i'm maturing in a way. jealousy is probably the most unattractive trait. some people just need to grow up and carry on. like...listen...no body wants your boyfriend. only you do. accept that. at least i dont want him. hahah. get over it.

megans fundraiser is coming up next weekend. i'm sad. i cant eat the hamburger. but i can drink my drank!!! woo wooo. hahaha. J is getting a ride so there goes my ride. hmmm...what to do. ??

i'm essentially procrastinating from writing a shitty paper but you know what? it's fricken gorgeous outside and i'm sitting in my kitchen staring out the window. LOSER!!! oh well. i'll just die of sneezing anyways. poo. at least my midterm was moved to friday!!! love it.
k. no more procrastinating. gotta get it done so i can go out tonight.

p.s. i love throwback fridays mlb. bluejays old school jersey is powder blue and awesome. mariners jersey..not so hot.

boo yah grandma

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:08:02 GMT

so i'm applying to univ of virg and i'm looking at my account info and low and behold i have a credit of almost 700!! i fricken got a bursary. that's right bitches!!! i'm awesome. and i will be getting my transcript sent to me to send away and i have to get my discipline sheet signed by the dean and then hopefully in a few months off i will go on a 62 day cruise around the world!!!! i will be going to rome, italy, greece, hungary, cuba, the states, and 4 other countries. so stoked. hopefully. *fingers crossed**

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:20:30 GMT

have you ever wanted something do bad that it made you physically sick? i have. and i do.

there's this thing called "semester at sea" and i'm going to apply. it's 14 weeks at sea and you get to visit 9 or so countries. I think there's more but whatever. and you take 2 or 3 classes and they're totally awesome courses and you just sail around visiting all these countries and ports and whatnot. i want to go on this soo badly that it just makes me absolutely nauseous. and then...i want to graduate soo badly that i'm going crazy. it's convocation week at school and just seeing all the grads walking in the AQ with their robes on makes me so sick. I'm close but so far but arg!!! i'm going insane i want it so bad.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:11:11 GMT

just killing time so that my battery dies on my computer so i can charge it. my brother is watching team america...awesome.

"if you promise me that you'll never die i'll make love to you right now"
"I promise i'll never die"

priceless

hmmm...school is intense. i'm exhausted. i'm ready to graduate but unfortunately that's not gonna happen. not yet at least.

um. yes. not much to say. i'm planning a trip to vegas in the winter time hopefully i will be able to do that. i'll have to see how much money i have or that i can spare. in any case kat and i talked about a trip to florida with her bf and hopefully some more people. that won't happen until after i'm finished school and have paid off my credit cards. or maybe i'll just go right away and pay the vacation off along with my existing debt. might as well because i will definitely need to celebrate surviving. unless i have a nervous breakdown.

looking forward to choreography. 4 more weeks and the program will be unveiled. so exciting. and i can't wait to hear the music. but all is confidential.

s asked if i wanted to move out. i said yes. let's see if this pans out. hopefully it does because it'd be awesome.

just like peas and carrots again.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 00:53:09 GMT

K I want to cry. I have so much work to do and not enough hours in the day. it didn't help that i worked 2 hours overtime today trying to get my work done. stupid scratch and save. i guess corp doesn't realize that some poor overworked student has to sort through all 1300+ scratch and save thingys to make sure that the cashiers did them properly and then fix the 50+ that they messed up on. whatever. at least c gave me an extra $20 for my effort, plus overtime. she's so nice. i would've quit a long time ago if it wasn't for her. this way i know she appreciates me.

this next few weeks, and months, are going to be hell. lets see

monday: speech
tuesday: study
wednesday: midterm
thursday: report due
friday -sunday: work, and annotated bibliography plus project proposal
monday: another stupid stagette
tuesday-tuesday: english paper, history paper, crying a little, maybe sleep a couple hours, cry some more, get an ulcer, dentist appointment somewhere in there...
and so it continues...eventually we come up to my brother's wedding and then that will be a load off my mind and then i can focus on school once this circus leaves town.

sign. 11 more classes....just a year and a half....

i'm so tired. it pisses me off when people tell me they're tired. you think i just sit around all day long doing shit all? mental exhaustion is way worse than physical because you can't think.

i am a disorganized/organized mess. i need a shower and i need to sleep. i don't even know what i'm doing anymore. stress stress stress

i've been debating if i should slow down these next 2 semesters and extend the length of my time in school again just so that i can make money and just concentrate more so that my grades don't suffer. we'll see how this semester goes before i make anymore stupid decisions.

run, forrest, run

Tue, 27 May 2008 01:00:57 GMT

aaahhh. my bed. it's a good place to be when i'm tired.

i've been running lately. it's a good time. i'm in training/fitness mode for grouse grind and for summer. need to look good in those short-shorts lol. yeah right. i'm already burnt to a crisp after 2 days of doing homework in the sun. as long as i'm tanned in the right places for my dress it's all good. i've already lost 3 pounds. i'm quite excited about that. when i first set out in my new health craze my goal was to lose inches not pounds because well, i'm satisfied with where i'm at. but here i sit, 3 pounds lighter and i like it. i just can't lose any muscle mass, which i am running a risk of. skating will suffer if i do so i have to be careful. i've been trying to eat healthier but i find when i'm stressed out all i do is crave sugar and starch and carbs. bad nicole. today i did all right but i'm sure the chinese food and chocolate did not help. whatever...one small step at a time. haha. as long as i can get up grouse it'll be worth it. i may die trying but whatever. i feel as though i'm in fairly decent shape so this will be a challenge. i have some time to prepare but still...it will be embarrassing if i don't make it up. next...i am going to do the chief.

school is going. school is rough. school is blah. 10 more classes then i'm finished. keep going.

indiana jones was a good time. it's a good movie. i like it.