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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Desicions...Breathe easy..

I'm meeting Yousif in about 20 minutes.
I have no idea what to do...what to say...What decision is right? Which is wrong? Should I stay with him or should I let him go...?
All I know is that he loves me...from the bottom of his heart.. But do I love him? How do you know?
How do you know that you're in love? I can't say..
I just don't want to regret my decision...when it's too late...Should I just follow my heart? But what if I don't know, what my heart wants? What my heart needs?
I will never be able to give him what he is ready to offer.
Or is it just another excuse of mine, a part of me that is scared? Scared to let someone in? But what if it's not love...? What if' it's just his presence that makes me feel good...
"Crushed me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Crushed me inside
I left the one I was looking to find "
How do you know?

I don't...
I wish I knew....

I guess I'll just let it go, let the conversation begin. Let him begin.
"Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for "

I'll need all luck of the world.

I'm 2 steps from falling into a huge hole. It's a 50 - 50 decision....God. I just want love. Is it too much to ask for?

I hope not.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Dear god,..

^{_{Dear God,}}^{_{Let me be able to look in the mirror, without wishing my reflection wasn't what i really saw.
Let me be able to face the world with confidence.
Let me be able to believe I can do anything once again.
Help me make my wrongs, righted.
Help me see things, that i can't, that are right in front of me.

Help me accept things, i refused to accept before.
Teach me to speak the truth.
Teach me how to sing.
But most of all,
Teach me how to love.}}^_<3

-Hiba.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

y o u t h ;; [[-is-wasted-on-the-young-]]

“Here ii am..
[[ so ~~try to~~ forgive me ]]
ii.dont.believe.in.fairytales”

Kayyso;;
When I was little
I had faith in everything
no joke.
ii mean...most of those childhood ideas
I understood weren’t true
but I just loved the concepts of it all.]

Santa clause
The tooth fairyy
The easter bunnyy
Halloween pumpkins on my doorstep

I loved to pretend.
because that’s what being a kidd was about_xo

&& my belief above all other beliefs
[you guessed it]
Prince . Charming

[ohh. but of course;;
be reasonable
I didn’t want the guy from cinderella
chasing around after some girl
with nothing but a smelly shoe
I wanted the real deal
in other words..
the prince charming from snow white
because he could dance <3]

ii LOVED that guy
&& although yes, he was just a cartoon
i just knew that somedayy
I would meet my own prince charming
&& we would trulyy fall in love_xo
&& it would last forever

happy.ever.after
end.of.discussion
curtains.closed

but every little girl grows up
&& learns the truth

that every santa is just a fat man in a suit
every pumpkin is just a vegetable
every cinderella is just a housemaid
every frog prince is just a frog

you learn
that happy ever afters are only in books
that when the curtains close the dream is over
&& that there’s no such thing as

~~forever~~

ii miss her though..
that little girl with the cutest smile,
the highest hopes
&& the Disney dreams

&& ii despise her replacement..
this cynical teenager with the tear in her eye,
the hate in her voice
&& absolutely NO dreams

Like ii said;;

~~`what’s-wrong-with-me-??`~~

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

confessions;;; &b r o k e nhearts;

Why is it that my first thought in the morning is always of you?
Why is it that the first thing that pops into my head when I wake
up is a song that you sent me that always reminded me of you?
Why is it that I always end up singing along to your favorite songs
when I'm walking down the school hallways alone? Why is it
that whenever I walk by the river I remember that golden afternoon
we had together by the riverside? Why is it that whenever I wish on
dandelions I always wish for you? Why is it when I pass you in school
I always walk away having ~~no idea~~ where I am or where I'm
going? Why is it that I'm still craning my neck to look at you from across
the cafeteria? Why is it that I always expect to see you on IM? Why do I still
feel like I have to call you every night? Why is this ~~hurting~~ me so much?
Why is it that I waste so much time forgetting about you that I just end up
thinking about you instead?
My heart still beats as fast as it did when we first met.
So what do you think of me now?

Monday, May 19, 2008

So{LetGo};.x.;CauseTheres~Beauty~In`TheBreakDown`

so TAKE from me this blade
[[sign.your.name]]     Across;; ~~mywrists~~
so EveryoneWillKnow;;
Who _LeftMe_ Here     {Like.This}

I somehow always come back;;
to this fear and this anger

Because;; For reasons unknown

i.AM.scared
&&
i.AM.angry

I’m angry at myself
[for;; w a n t i n g
what i can’t have]

I’m angry at him
[for;; w a l k i n g away]

&& you know,
I’m angry at society.
[for;;   how   we   deal
with the u.n.k.n.o.w.n]

I mean;;

Nobody would dare make a joke
If someone dies
of cancer.

Yet;;
In movies, in music, on T.V
They joke
about.suicide

We’ve finally learnt
not to make f.u.n of
the `special` kiddz

Yet even adults and teachers
Turn a [Blind.Eye]
To the bullying of children with;;
.Anorexia.
.Bulimia.
.Depression.

In life,
from a young age
They’re trying to teach us
Not to discriminate because of race or colour
Yet they say
!nothing!
Of sexuality.

In life,
They don’t reward
The kiddz who deserve it..
They reward
The kiddz who need it.

If they expect you to succeed;;
[[and you do]]
it’s nothing special.

But if they expect you to succeed;;
[[and you don’t]]
it’s tragic.
it’s .wasted. potential
it’s just lazy.

&& If they expect you to fail;;
[[and you do]]
it’s ‘oh well, maybe next time’

But if they expect you to fail;;
[[and you don’t]]
it’s sensational
it’s.miraculous
it’s extraordinary!

i mean,
I get lectures from ALL

because i’m
[[`wasting my talent`]]
when _the truth_ is
w h a t TALENT ?

because,
it’ s not like
i’m CHOOSING to `waste` this `talent`

because,
if I HAD a choice,
I would CHOOSE to write.
.Obviously.

B!Ba <3