t'is an amazing feeling, to be back here in the library of med school.

somethings barely change. the atmosphere. the environment. these don't change.

the people certainly have changed. i dun remember some of the faces. there are many new ones.

i have changed. perhaps to the point where had i seen where i would be last year, i would simply refuse to accept it as probable or possible.

but here i am, back after a good what...15 months. i'm not sure if i'm opening a new chapter, closing old ones, or continuing what was always there. quite frankly, these highly embellished words are perhaps utterly meaningless.

the same thoughts no longer run through my head. the proud ambitions that i had. they've changed, so fundamentally that i'm in a sense not exactly the same person. my aspirations have altered at least somewhat. my general direction has not been shaken however. if anything, it has been affirmed. by God's grace, i'll run this race, and run it well.

i do not know how ready i am to face what is ahead. but i have prayed many times and i am confident God will answer. not necessarily in ways i expect. but He will answer. i've been asked many times if i am ready to take on what's in front of me. i always reply, i don't know. that is the truth. i am neither overconfident nor overwhelmed with fear. i am just unsure. but i have been praying for strength and guidance. and that, is something i am sure of. because where i have stumbled, He did not. where i have faulted and erred, He had not. where i am weak, He is strong. and therefore where i am unsure, He is my assurance. strength, wisdom, guidance, everything.

let's bring on the show

the most unthinkable song

God has within Him a humungous sense of drama. and mindblowing surprise. and just downright awesomeness. this conversation will stay with me for, i believe, a very very long time.

'we have songs in our religion. do you sing songs too?'

'what we? do you mean, do we sing songs in churches?'

'yes. do you?'

'oh yes,' with a bright smile on my face, thinking about all the marvelous music and songs i've heard and sung,'we sing many many songs.'

the conversation did not end there.

'can you sing one of those songs?' asked my friend.

mind racing towards my maker. O God, what are you up to this time?

'you want me to sing you one of those songs?'

'yes'

'now?'

'yes'

heart emersed in prayer. joy more than anything. amazement. awestruck.

'ok. can i sing?'

'yes. please sing.'

and so i did. the one most unthinkable song i could have ever sung, here, in this place at this time. and i sang it, or as much as i tried to, with every bit of my heart.

                                                     Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound

                                                           That Saved a Wretch like Me

                                                     I Once was Lost, but now am Found

                                                             Was Blind but now I See.

thanks to the advancement in information technology and cyberspace expansion, the level of ignorance regarding my home city of hong kong has in recent years decreased in delightful proportions, and the usual stereotypes have also been going down the drains. (with the exception of deliberate racist taunts). however, one thing remains exceedingly annoying/irritating/aggravating to anyone from or have spent a significant amount of time in hong kong. and trust me, if you're a tourist/student/visitor elsewhere, this will eventually come up.

'you're from hong kong?'

'yes.'

'i love jacky chan!'

several things.

first off, i personally am not a fan of jacky chan, so putting his name out there is like inviting me to a fight.

secondly, jacky chan is a serious misrepresentation of hong kong. people seems to get the idea that everyone, every boy and man in hong kong has a deranged urge to run around naked and beat people up with tin cans and what not whenever things foul up, usually because of a stupid mistake on the part of the protagonist. from that comes the usual deduction: 'you're from hong kong? do you know kung fu?' well for your information i do fencing and i suck at what little taichi i know. btw, if you really fight like jacky chan with all the impossible moves involving hours if not days of stage planning, chances are you'll die within the first 5 minutes of the fight.

thirdly, jacky chan's movies tend to feed stereotypes regarding hong kong. needless to say, i resent that. strongly. if you'd like to know what i mean, check out rush hour. any of them.

fourthly, jacky chan always gangs up with people who feed the worst stereotypes about their ethnic groups. you wanna see the perfect white trash? shanghai night. wanna laugh at an african american. rush hour.

and finally, lets say you're american. how'd you feel if the following happens?

'you're from the states?'

'yea.'

'i love backstreet boys!'

hong kong. jacky chan. not the same thing.

even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.

(from david crowder band)..

and ... after all, our hands have wrought

He forgives

oh the glory of it all ...is He came here

for the rescue of us all that we may live

for the glory of it all, oh the glory of it all ...

i'm home.

it's hot and humid. i head out late in the evening to the sensation of being in a sauna.

it's crowded. i journey to the heart of causeway bay to find my eyes dazzled by the many many moving figures.

it's hilly. first thing i learnt driving back from pacific place is you need the brakes on because it is steep.

but it's home nonetheless.