For once, we didn't stay late last night. Senate hearing on JPEPA (Japan-Philippines Economic Partnership Agreement) was postponed to Tuesday next week. Yesterday wasn’t as stressful as I had expected, but I have a few pending tasks (thanks to late submissions…grrrr!! Men.)

I must admit that I haven’t been focusing much on my spiritual life and therefore been unable to write reflective entries. I’ve only been working and studying. I hardly interact with family because most days I get home when everyone’s asleep. For instance, I left the office at 1am Sunday last week because there was a Senate interpellation on trade and economic issues scheduled the following day and we had to consolidate and update a lot of reference materials and get binders upon binders of documents ready hours before the interpellation. I considered spending the rest of the evening in the office just so I wouldn’t have to take a cab alone at such an unholy hour, sleep in my cubicle or whichever and go home at 5-6am just to take a shower and head back to the office again. However, since there were a few other things to rush in the morning (again late submissions…perennial problem I swear. I can’t consolidate materials on time because of that) and that I might also have problems getting inside Senate if I don’t go with my boss and officemates, I risked leaving the office at 1am. I got home safe thank God.

I’m thankful that I’m done with my first round of presentation and draft research plan but again have to start seriously reading and working on the next researches lined up. The week before last was a different story with work deadlines coinciding with school deadlines and that only meant one thing: All-nighters. You see, I’m a caffeine-dependent government slave/grad student zombie - no complaints, might I add. I feel kinda schizophrenic with my critical (ermm Neogramscian) approach to theorising and my overtly neoliberal work orientation. Oh wells, my days aren’t so dragging anymore. Before I know it, the school term will be over and I’ll be getting my OT check in a few weeks and salary increase come January. The downside though is that I’m becoming a household lightweight more and more. At least my mom understands me now and doesn’t nag about me being to lazy to do household chores. She now sees I’m actually working hard.

A small disappointment with myself though is that at times I don’t get things perfectly done the first time around. How many times do I have to remind my perfectionist self that there is a difference between perfection and excellence?

Okay, time to go…

Swamped in history

Yep, that's what I am. The problem though is that I'm not good at remembering historical details, so I hope I remember enough when I present in class next weekend.

I'm stuck in early Southeast Asian history; I'm careful not to be biased in my presentation on the Philippine-Malaysia dispute over Sabah. This means I have to keep on cross-referencing so as not to obscure a certain perspective. It's a lot of work because I'm essentially doing a comparative type of historical research, but even though I feel lazy today, I must admit that I enjoy it for the most part. I learn things as I go along and this makes me feel a little less historically detached and alienated from Mindanao, particularly the ARMM region. Prior to the national coordinating/planning work for humanitarian assistance in Sulu and Basilan I was involved in last year, Sulu was just another place in the map. I was just as lost in the demography, ethnograpy and history of the place. It's quite interesting to be assigned this topic for class a year later.

One thing I observed so far about Southeast Asian history is that most of written history, at least the historias of Brunei, North Borneo and Sulu (a lot like Philippine history in general) do no date earlier than the 1500s, the period of colonisation. In other words, Southeast Asian history has obviously been chronicled by people from the West. One of the articles I read implied that records written by locals are dubious in terms of their objectivity. Could this be symptomatic of Western positivism? Thinking aloud again.

For some reason, I'm interested to read a history from below - the one written from the perspective of the original inhabitants - local voices, local stories if you will. Not sure why but as I was reading last night, I just felt like a puzzle piece is missing. I'm always interested to learn things in the intersubjective realm.Yea, right. But when it comes to living my life, well...

It's storming. Research work desensitises me from real life. I guess that's why I always tend to turn to it.

I'm beginning to love writing lists rather than free-flowing prose.

1. I cut class today. For no reason.
2. I crashed at Marley's place last night. I got home 9-ish this morning.
3. I took Marl's offer to go drinking last night. I didn't think twice. Imagine that??
4. I figured number 3 is not at all pathetic as what I had in mind for Friday night: wine and cheese party after work BY MYSELF. What a loser.
5. My party plan included reading articles that talk about the politics and ethics of humanitarian intervention. Stuff that read: Are states moral agents? It scared me. Why did I choose this issue area? I really am such a mental masochist. Why do I have this seemingly perpetual tendency to complicate things??
6. In relation to number 1, I did not cut because of last night. I was in school at class time, but wasn't in class (whaaat??? @_@). I was at far-flung Asian Center renewing overdue books and borrowing another one for my Sabah presentation.
7. I was supposed to go to class but traffic was unusually bad along Katipunan so I texted my friend/classmate/colleague that I'll just cut instead of arriving at class 30 minutes late.
8. I am slacking off at this very moment and not yet feeling guilty about it.
9. I was informed that my Sabah presentation was postponed again. Yaaay! Thank God for that. Lesson learned: work hard, have fun, leave the rest to God. To self: Don't be such a Martha.
10. One of the kids I met at the bar just messaged and called me ATE again. Why am I such a kid-magnet?? @_@ Let me qualify: guys 2-3 years younger are kids to me. They're my brother's age. I have been asking since last night what this ate business is about?! (Ate, you wanna dance? Ate, where do you work? Ate, you're studying again?? Wtf?!) My own brother doesn't even call me that @_@
11. Footnote: at least it's not manang.
12. Owner of the bar who sat with his friends (the kids are their friends too) at the table next to us kept glancing, gave us drinks, actually...lingered the whole night but never approached. One of his friends whom I met last night (Marley's friend) was trying to play matchmaker.
13. I don't even remember bar owner's name but I learned from Marl's friend that we all graduated the same year. I'm pretty sure we know people in common because we had a school-organised soiree with them guys way back sophomore year of high school. Eh... your usual all-girl-school-all-guy-school interaction @_@ Whatever, I blurted out that what I remember about that interaction was the fact that there were so many gay guys from the top section that my section "interacted" with.
14. Marl said he did approach early on and it appeared to her that he wanted to join us. Apparently, I was busy ranting about Professor Monotonous M while she was being very attentive and so didn't pay much attention to bar owner. Poor guy seemed hesistant to interrupt. Yes, he's cute and he's not cocky but oh well...@_@ Whatever.
15. I don't understand why bar owner's friend wanted me to approach him and not otherwise. Kept insisting that I take initiative. I'm still stuch in the Middle Ages, I know. Sorry, personal rule of thumb: guys ought to make the first move
16. In relation to number 12, I prolly appeared self-absorbed. Haha.
17. I am still not used to guys leaning so close @_@ I know I was in a bar so yea...what to expect.
18. I should end. I'm sleepy. Slacker.

More mental throw-up

1. It's Marley's birthday today. I greeted her this morning, unfortunately, she can't take my invitation to have dinner tonight because she is just as busy, perhaps even busier than I am reading up on Crim Law etc etc and digesting cases @_@ I have concluded a long time ago that law school is not for me but I very much support my dearest friend.
   
2. I have forwarded Lani's survey to some friends. She needs as many respondents as she can get asap for a mini-study she's doing for one of her grad school courses. We have decided to have early dinner at Tacobell on Saturday because we are both craving something from there. Afterwards, we're off to Araneta again to watch Lifehouse. Lani begged for me to watch with her so I agreed even if I have civil service exam at 7am the following day. Too bad Marley can't join us.
   
3. I'm thankful that I get to meet the girls, albeit separately, every other week weekend. I see Lani in the QC area on Saturdays after class and Marl on weekdays after work (after class for her) in the Malacanan area because I live there and she goes to school there.
   
4. Our plans to check out this Christian community is indefinitely postponed. We haven't had quality accountability sessions in ages. Great.
5. The SS never learns. We are swamped, and are masochists for deciding to go to grad school and to work at the same time. But then again, we will die if we don't study again. I am not exaggerating.

1. Information overload: I've had enough Sabah readings today, so I dropped it. That explains why I'm blogging and I'm quite sure I will feel guilty for doing so afterwards. I don't like the book on Sabah I borrowed from the library weeks ago. I need to go borrow the other book I reserved.
   
2. Sabah presentation was moved to next Saturday but I'm cutting class this Saturday not to rest but to make time for another research paper. I am learning to do things one at a time.
   
3. I dislike cramming. It causes more stress. I already am thankyouverymuch.
4. I'm going to read articles on humanitarian intervention when I get home tonight. Soon (I hope). How vague.
5. I want to strangle professor M not because of his class requirements but because he seems stuck in the post-Cold War era. For a theory teacher, he lacks theoretical jazz. There is nothing seductive about realism and neorealism and liberalism and what have you...so yesterday. Can we please problematise these? @_@
6. Two of my classmates dropped this class. So now there's only 9 of us. I think I know why.
   
7. Going back to Sabah: The Brits wreaked havoc on history. Well, colonialism in general did. the 'great powers' made pawn of their colonial subjects.
   
8. I didn't know that pre-Spanish period, the Brunei Sultanate spanned as far as the Visayas. Damn textbook [Philippine] history for obscuring that bit and most of all for it's Christian-Hispanic centrism.
   
9. I don't have an alternative solution for the Malaysia-Philippine dispute. It's rather dormant anyway. I am not a nationalist and I am tempted to argue that annexing Sabah to Sulu will only bring more liability than benefit. If it is to be annexed, will it a) be grouped with the autonomous Muslim region or b) form the umpteenth region of the archipelago? Sabah is not culturally homogenous; it's as diverse as the entire Philippine archipelago. Almost
   
10. Pushing the supposition further, would it be wiser for the Philippines to federalise? I don't know. I am too tired to think and I'm not grounded in Philippine political history.
    
11. The only good thing about this Sabah 'rival claim' is that it's not bloody like Israel-Palestine, Kashmir, etc...but hello?? Do I even have to mention that the problem is more developmental than political? Where are the Brits and Spaniards in the present scenario? Nowhere.
    
12. In relation to number 8, ever since I read Benedict Anderson's Imagined Communities, my whole understanding of nation has changed. Damn the Treaty of Westphalia for dividing the world into constructed political units known as territorial nation-states. Those freaking political lines divided ethno-linguistic groups which eventually caused all these ethnic conflicts. Exhibit A: Africa. Some bloody lazy Brit did not know he was dividing organised communities with these straight lines he drew to map out Africa.
    
13. I rant but have no proposed alternative in mind. I cannot undo history.