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norwegianraccoon
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Name: Alexandra
Gender: Female
Interests: air guitar, animals, anime, astrology, audrey hepburn, bob dylan, broadway, callie(cat), cary grant, cds, chaplin, cheese, cnn, coffee, comedy, counseling, cult films, cursing, dreaming, dvds, family, filmmaking, folk songs, friends, gaiaonline, government, hitchcock, house, hugs, impressionism, indie rock, internet, james stewart, johnny depp, journey, literature, lord of the rings, mel brooks, men, metal, nick hornby, old movies, oscar wilde, pathology, poetry, psychiatry, purple, queer as folk, quizzes, radiohead, rain, reggae, ren and stimpy, rock n' roll, rocko's modern life, salsa music, salvador dali, scarlett johansson, six feet under, sleeping, spiderman, tandoori, tcm, television, tennis, the 30s, the 80s, the beatles, the rolling stones, water, wine
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  norwegianraccoon
MSN: norwegianraccoon@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/14/2006
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| Its funny how you just break down
waitin' on some sign...
I guess I am breaking down.
In an interesting turn of events, George asked me to be with him.
Yes George, that George.
The one that took me YEARS to get over. Years to fall out of love with him and move on.
But as soon as I almost accomplish this act, he tells me that he's been in love with me the past two years, even after we broke up.
I'm freaking out about this honestly. I really thought I was over him, that I was over this whole drama. But I guess I'm not, because I'm freaking out so much.
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| She's flawless like some uncut ice...Damn I love the new JT cd!
Well it's not new. But still kicks ass.
Other cds that kick ass:
Kanye West- Graduation
Sure so that song "Stronger" pisses some people off because Daft Punk did it first, but listen to "Flashing Lights" or "Champion" and see how Mr. West has gotten his class act together.
Ok so back to my life.
Senior year. Ups and downs.
I've applied to Tulane, U Pitt, LSU. Got a few more to go.
Mr Mutchnick quit. NOO! But he's my boss so it's good.
I'm a religious school teacher now.
It's ironic now, because I'm starting not to believe that there is a greater power out there, that it's man made bullshit.
Mom and I have gotten worse. She thinks that I'm having sex and she wants to take me to a gyno and put me on birth control.
It's sad that the only person I can tell this to is George (Yes we're back to being friends) Tina and I aren't very close anymore and my other friends have many problems to deal with.
And then Richard. He's been avoiding me since London. Pathetic part is that I love him. Yes the infamous L word, love.
I love him. And he probably does not love me back, even though he said so.
Boys are so fickle. George is probably right. He is getting blowjobs from the girls in his dorm.
Oh well. I don't care, as much as I love him. Sad isn't it?
I'm just filled with this apathy. I love it.
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| Beginning of summer...And it's been boring. I wish school would go back. I want to get done with school and just leave for college. I hate this town, and most of the people, except my friends. And when I want to hang out with them, my mother has to bitch about and interrogate me. She always thinks that I'm going to sneak off with some guy and screw him. I'm not like that, and I wish she would just trust me. Maybe I'm just pissed at her because of the whole college deal. I got my grades back and overall average for both semesters was an 89. Not bad right? Well my mom is bitching at me telling me that I won't get a scholarship to any place. She keeps mentioning LSU and its great programs and the fact that I can graduate with Honors there and what not. I DON'T want to stay in the South. I'm sick of living here. I know I can get accepted to most all of the colleges I apply to, but to get a scholarship in most of them is impossible! I mean the most I can get from Boston University is $10,000, which is not bad but not good either, seeing that it's almost $40,000 dollars to get in. I feel bad complaining because at least I can get into LSU and other southern colleges with a full ride, but I know that if attend there, I won't be happy. I know undergraduate colleges don't matter, but it's the fact that I want to get of the fucking Bible belt! I hate to sound like a brat, and I feel like I am and will probably delete this blog later, but it's not fair. I know that LSU won't challenge me to my full potential, and that I'll go insane with the people there. If my parents were not able to pay, I would not be bitching, but the fact that they won't help me with college, but they're paying $7000 bucks for this trip to Rome pisses me off. I'll gladly give that up just to get some financial help from them. I mean I don't want to drain of their money and I will pay the loans, but I just wish they could help. Also there are kids that I know who are going to top schools and that they're just as smart as me, except for the fact that they parents are willing to help them out. Truth is that the fact that I'm probably going to LSU is killing me and making me less motivated to do well in school. I took the SATs yesterday and I didn't give a shit. I didn't finish some of the math fill ins and I told myself: "What the hell. It's not like it matters anymore." I didn't feel motivated to study or even review. I just don't know anymore. I'm not even sure what I want anymore, if I even want to be a physician, or if it's just to please my mother. Edit: I feel like relapsing. I'm looking at my body and thinking how a little red will give it more color, how I want to feel the blood coming from my veins. I hid all the materials, so nothing will happen. I'm losing hope though. Losing hope for everything. The motivation is not just in school, but in everyday life. Words of Wisdom for the Day: "The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly-that is what each of us is here for." -Oscar Wilde | | |
| God only knows what I'd be without you...Tina was right.
Maybe.
I
talked to George. Told him we couldn't be friends anymore. Truth is,
after one year, two months, and seventeen days since I broke up with
him I still loved him. I told him the damage this is bringing me. I
poured my heart out to him, in an act of rebellion.
This was an escape from this self-made prison known as Alex and George friendship.
He said "Well you brought this on yourself. Don't blame me for it."
Those words pierced my every nerve, rendering me helpless, except to cry.
And cry and cry. I left and I called Tina and she tried to comfort me. Patrick then called. I lied and told him that my friend was having the issues, not me. I don't want him to worry about me. One day I will move on, I will have the capacity to fully love again.
I'm realizing something. By being safe with him, by being predictable, I was really destroying myself. Being safe is not the best solution, and I rather be with someone with whom I can't predict the outcome, than with someone who I know in the end will hurt me.
Words of Wisdom for the Day: “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” -Jim Morrison
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| FREE FREE IM FREE!1. What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?
"Why did you kill Jesus?"
2. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?
Um nothing. We're all so different
3. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
Broken bones was pretty bad
4. What number of drinks constitutes your limit?
I dunno
5. Do you fold your underwear?
No I'm too lazy for that
6. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
George
7. Have you fired a gun before?
No
8. Name someone you consider a genius.
Richard
I'd never tell him though. I don't him to get that notion in his head.
9. What was your favorite childhood toy?
Boxes. I used to make houses with them.
10. Do you have pets?
One cat
11. Have you kept up with American Idol?
No
12. Sweetest thing someone you've dated has done for you?
Sung to me
13. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
Yes
14. Name a song that makes you happy?
Beatles
15. Name something that made you laugh this week?
Sarah, Molly and I's Starbucks meeting today
16. Where was your first kiss?
Restaurant
17. List three people you could count on NO MATTER WHAT:
Tina
Molly
Sarah
18. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby would you be able to?
Sure. I'd delivered a baby before
19. What do you like about being in a committed relationship?
I dunno, just knowing that person is there for you whenever shit comes up. Maybe just that feeling of being wanted and loved
20. What do you dislike about being in a committed relationship?
Jealousy, the fighting
21. If you were famous, what would you be famous for?
Being famous haha
22. Is marriage in your future?
Hell no
23. What is one thing that could make your life better?
Not dealing with mom
24. What is on your refrigerator door?
Pictures
25. Name the closest thing to you that is green.
Money
26. If someone who didn’t know you had to guess your name, what would it be?
Huh?
27. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
NHS hours
28. Name a movie you are looking forward to watching?
Shrek the Third
29. Have you ever called 911?
Nope
30. Name something you've heard about women that tends to be true:
We're inferior
HAHA
31. Do You Own An Ipod?
Yes.
His name is Igby.
32. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?
The Queen
33. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?
Yes
34. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Elliott Smith
35. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate MilK?
Regular
36. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?
Yes
37. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Today
38. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
A week ago
39. What was your last alcoholic beverage?
Yesterday
40. How is your mood today?
Ugh
41. Where was your first kiss with your current significant other?
I don't have a current significant other
42. Who is the friend you can count on the most?
Tina
43. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I'm horrible at Biology
44. Do you like anyone right now?
Yes it actually went down to two people
45. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
Yes
46. What's your favorite number?
9
47. Who was the last person to make you cry?
George
48. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes
49. When was the last time you cried?
Last night
50. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Innocence
51. What is one thing you've learned about life recently?
It's extremely unfair
52. Are you jealous of anyone?
No
53. Is anyone jealous of you?
I don't know
54. Has a friend ever used you?
Yes
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