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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| I.
yes,
i want to live my life in the constant pursuit of unbiased truth.
II.
i now realize that America is so busy & blinded that we are the only country monsanto has managed to penetrate with their genetically modified foods. they said they wanted to "feed the world" but india, just for example, burned the crop they sneaked in. these companies are backing the media financially, so they can't afford to speak up against these organizations. that should say something to us.
III.
i've been devoting my entire energy to writing - real writing. i'm busying myself with the most meaningful things i can find to do. i'm filled with passion and i can't leave or stop moving. i may not be posting for a while...
-kidd strange
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| i don't have any expectations.i did some bad things.
i wrote bad words on my arm
all over the pages of my journal
about myself and what i think i am.
i inked out the skin over my heart
and when i washed it off in the shower
it matured to a scar-like red.
i cut my hip and took pictures
so i could remember what first
few days looked like.
i took a mirror and forced myself
to stare at my tear-stained face
and draw what i saw, and it's
a hideous portrait.
i am a monster.
i don't deserve to be in love with such a carefree kid.
i'm so happy to be with him. so why do i cry every time i think about it?
i get so nervous i can't even keep ahold of myself. i never know what to do, how to feel.
i can't even show him who i am. i don't know how. i don't want to.
i just want to be with him and not have to think. to somehow decide that having fun isn't a sin.
i'm going to end up being that crazy, mentally insane ex-girlfriend.
the worst thing is it's only in my mind.
-kidd strange | | |
| this is all new and totally frightening to me.i've discovered an intense fear of intimacy
which mirrors my lack of self-esteem.
the closer i get
the more lonely i become.
and when i admit that i'm not dominant
it takes this huge toll on my ego
and i hate that.
he wouldn't get that!
i don't know why i feel
or even how i do
so i sit there and cry like a baby.
that's stupid.
i don't want to feel this way.
i want to stop feeling.
i want to stop wanting to talk to hannah
because i'm pretty sure she doesn't
want to talk to me.
she's got better, more sensuous,
more all-consuming things
to focus on, but i'm still here
and i miss her.
i wish i could tell her all these things,
but i have to quiet the tip of my tongue.
i wish i could be honest with her,
but i haven't told anyone
any of these things
anything that's been going on
anything i've been feeling
and it's such a burden.
it's weird.
kissing makes my chapped lips heal faster
but it doesn't make my stomach any more at ease.
but i haven't liked anyone like i like him
ever.
i wish i could tell someone about all this.
la la la.
blah blah blah.
-kidd strang
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| 1. i would be perfectly happy if i never saw you again. i hope i never do; i hope to renounce you from my existence.
2. you are my inner soul at 13. i have so much empathy and respect for you although you frustrate me because of how immature and egocentric you can be. we are so inter-connected a this incredible level, and once we both grow up and understand more, we could be uncommonly close friends.
3. you almost made me cry when you told us how much you loved that friend you were talking about, and how you were laying in bed thinking and crying, and how you still didn't know what will happen to all the people walking the wide road. all i could do was nod and nod.
4. you're changing my life, slowly but surely. i would never have guessed that this would be my fate, but something so strong is stirring inside of this concatenation. it's making feel a part of something so much bigger, something so outside just myself. i would've never picked this, and i'm so glad i never got the chance to turn it down.
i went to bed at 6 PM on friday and woke up at 6 AM the next morning a changed person.
i never really realized how much God chooses these people that are completely unsure and unready.
God likes to do the most unexpected, beautiful things, and i love that about Him.
He makes it that so that humans always think they've got everything figured out, and then this one event simply manifests itself, and, so easily, they're back to the beginning of their gorgeous but flawed conceptions. it will always be this way. people will always choose to think they can survive on their own. it makes me smile, yet feel so sad.
the only reason why the ministry i'm a part of even flourishes is because He reveals Himself - our successes - through the broken people that we are. we're all so young and incompetent, but somehow we can touch people because He extends our fingers to reach the last inch out to touch.
You're so amazing. i am in awe of You.
-kidd strange | | |
| now. NOW i have a future.i walked over to the bench
you followed me there
we sat down and
you kissed me in the softest way
we stayed like that and time stopped and
the wind wafted my hair toward your face
embracing both of us
as if nature couldn't be more elated
that we were together
you actually realize i'm alive
you try your best
i get that
i remember hoisting her up
hurting myself tent times over
when she thought she was gonna die
basically every single night
it made me have heart-attacks
and i took it so damn seriously
because i actually cared
i shouldn't have
and now it's finally over
i'm so happy to finally be starting again
forgetting i ever dreamt
my old life
-kidd strange | | |
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