|
| AliveI'm still alive. More than ever.
I have a new apartment, a new roommate, new people around me constantly, a new pair of shorts, and a new adventure of sorts (www.jeffreyisacampusmissionary.blogspot.com).
But I'm still here, still much of the old. I feel like the scripture that talks of bringing out treasures old and new. That's my life. The old and the new, all mixed together and served up amass. I'm still loving those songs I talked about a long time ago by Angels and Airwaves. Particularly The Adventure and Do It for Me Now. G.K. Chesterton has a lot to do with it, all he says about adventure.
"...an adventure is, by its nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose."
"We are to regard existence as a raid or great adventure; it is to be
judged, therefore, not by what calamities it encounters, but by what
flag it follows and what high town it assaults. The most dangerous
thing in the world is to be alive."
I will return here shortly. I am spending much time with new friends and much time thinking. This week I am going to go hide in the woods somewhere and think some more (not the entire week, just like one night, with a tent). I've been writing a book in my head. I want to get it on paper. Tell me, is "Having a Beer with Jesus" to offensive of a chapter title? Eh? Maybe if I make it "Having a Shiner..." I could get some endorsement cash like Tiger Woods.
| | |
| PenuelI've been listening to this MTV Unplugged of Lauryn Hill most of the day while packing and cleaning and it is truly amazing. She really bares her soul beautifully, and it is finally her soul and not just a soul or a commercial fabrication. (I say finally, even though the record is five years old, because I'm just now getting around to it).
She keeps mentioning the word deception over and over in antithesis to truth and freedom and God and love. It's something worth thinking about. Perhaps it's true that all that's required to keep a man from God is a little comfortable deception. Sometimes though, people out grow that little box others put them in and refuse to be deceived and play the pawn in deceiving others. It really is beautiful.
Think of Jacob. His name means one who grasps the heal, or deceiver. What does God do with him? He is with him throughout his life. He watches over him and does not let the deception of others bring him down. But later on he must show him that Jacob himself is a problem. He changes his name. No longer can he be a deceiver.
I wanna get out from under
The reign of my own thunder
Deception (Get Free) lyrics | mp3
| | |
| Jumbled Thoughts and MeditationsI.
The most important thing is not how you appear, how your life
looks on paper or how you come off to others. It is your character. If
I had to theorize what the soul of a man is, I would say it lies here.
Character is a thing that we know not full well in this world. "How
shall I tell even who I am? Which of us is other than a secret to all
but God! Which of us can tell, with poorest approximation, what he or
she is! Not to touch the mystery of life—that one who is not myself has
made me able to say I" It is a hidden thing, a thing invisible.
IN the light it can often be concealed by flesh and smiles, but in the
darkness, true nature and character are revealed. This is why we learn
most about a man and of our own selves in crisis, in times of challenge
and stretching. At zero hour, all acts and farces are done and we see
man fully himself, not as he knows he ought to be, but as he is. There
is great horror and comfort in the fact that one day all that is done
in darkness will be revealed in the light. This is the only way justice
can ever exist. How fearful is the One who can see into the depths of
our soul, who knows all that is done in the darkness! How true it is
that, though I fear not hell, I fear God. How certain that only One
like that could save us from an eternity of darkness. We can only
change what we can see; we can only alter that we know.
"I would
that not God only but all good men and women might see me through and
through. They would not be pleased with everything they saw, but
neither am I, and I would have no coals of fire in my soul's pockets."
(Quotes from George MacDonald, The Flight of the Shadow)
II.
What fearful light comes
To take the shadows from our lives
What horror to know
That all will one day be revealed
What fear to be seen
All of us as we truly are
I imagine the pain in my soul
Would overwhelm my heart and lungs
And I would cry out for death
And death would not come
How vile am I then
When Death won't keep company
I who have loved secrets
And myself more than truth
But all this woeful pain
I would suffer even now
For but a moment's time
To be known fully and truly
And however vile an end met
Loved still by He who is holy
And how great a joy then
To not be cast away from Thee
My reason would fail
And my heart burst at the seams
And though now for a lifetime
Thou mend my brokenness
It would take an eternity
To put aright my joy-burst center
III.
It
is a sad thing to confuse Rome for the Kingdom. One is a poor shadow,
the other the reality. One ought to live to die for the people of the
one, for the sake of the other. We are to disciple men to be good
citizens of the Kingdom, rather than the world. We err when we set out
to merely make good men.
IV.
Our country again needs
to know what it is to come to God through the Cross of Jesus Christ
alone. We cannot preach that it is by faith alone, or by works, or by
believing in the "finished work" or by being a good and kind person,
but by the Cross alone. The Cross takes all our goodness, all our evil,
all our kindness and belief and faith and opinions and crucifies everything.
It is an odd thing that man has made so many false Gospels when the
truth is so simple. Lay down your life. Repent. Humble yourself before
God in light of your depravity. Weep as Christ wept for you, and die to
yourself as Christ died for yourself.
"We can only come to know
God by the way taught in the gospel... We can only keep hold of God by
the way taught in the Gospel." - Blaise Pascal
What is the
cross? What is it like? It is not a nicety or a thing out of precious
moments; it is not a trinket or a symbol. It is a collision and a
contradiction. It where the ugly road of sin comes out into a clearing
and all is reveled to the man, and he knows that God knows and he lays
down his own nature and character to take up His. This is the
collision, man meeting a holy God. This is the contradiction, life from
death. It is ugly. It is the road of humility. It in washing in the
dirty nasty Jordan river because God says so (2 Kings 5). Other rivers
may seem cleaner and purer and easier, but only through obedience can a
man be saved. It is to come stand before God naked and say change me.
Not make me better, but ravish me, transform my whole being for I am
woeful. You can run from God without ever moving. To run from God is to
resist his changing of your character.
V.
I know a
few men of God that do not get the recognition they deserve. This is
fine, for they would not have it so and God would not have it so. But I
know a great many fools, that despite this, are fools because they do
not recognize what God has given them. It is as the Word says, that a
prophet receives no honor in his own town. If it happened to Christ,
will it not happen to you? But how foolish was that town? How foolish
are we that we listen to someone because they have a name and a T.V.
show and enough money and personality to keep us entertained. How
foolish are we that what edicts our world views is the music that
surrounds us and bytes from television and movies and not the honey
from the lips of wise men who have spent time with God. How foolish are
we that we do not cherish every word.
I have a few close friends
whose names I will not mention, that if a man does not listen to them,
we are not friends because I will not keep company with fools.
VI.
What
does it mean to be fully human? We often think being human as being
weak and of holiness as some other-creaturely experience, but in
reality it is to be fully human (in regards to man). Righteousness
means that things are as they should be or were inteded to be i.e. not
perverted, but pure. To be fully human is to be fully refined by God.
Jesus came not to destroy life but to bring life abundantly, full life.
When we sin we are not "only human" but very inhuman, very against what
should be natural (is it that our nature is corrupt now inherently, or
is it corrupted by our attitudes and ideas?) But what is the aim of
God's refining: to make us like Christ. Therefore the life of Christ is
the ultimate model of humanity. It tells us why we're here and what
kind of attitude to have towards the world around us and toward God.
"If people attempt to serve gods lesser than we are, we deny our minds;
if we serve gods unlike us, we deny what it means to be human." We look
at Christ and see that he is so unlike us, but in reality it us us who
is unlike him yet ought to be like him since we were made in his image.
To deny that we can aspire to such a lofty purpose is to reduce Christ
as man and model. It is the same as to deny the incarnation. Christ is
the ultimate revelation of God, therefore in him is the ultimate
revelation of the personality of God. To deny our likeness to him is to
deny a personal God, is to serve a god unlike us and deny what it is to
be human.
Therefore to be fully human is to not "give your
life to anything less than fellowship with him" and to aspire to have
the attitude of Christ.
VII.
What do you do with your actions? Do you push someone towards the Lord
or away? Are you a blessing to those around you, or are you provoking
them to anger, lust, judgment? In a sense, they are the ones
responsible for their actions and attitudes, but are you helping? Or
are you making it harder on them? Are you a blessed burden to your
small group leader, your pastor and community, your husband or wife,
your roommates? Or are you a thorn in their side?
It is true the
Bible says to love one another, to be patient with one another, to
forgive without limit, to also bear each other's burdens and so fulfill
the law of love, but are you placing that responsibility on your
neighbor only to do so toward you and not attempting to honor them and
so make it easier? The Bible also says a lot about provoking someone to
anger, lusts, and the like.
The question is this, though you may
not be intending to do so, if you know something bothers someone and
causes them to be angry with you, why continue to do it? Some girls
understand this with lust, a lot don't. Some girls know that modest
dress is good not only for people's opinion of them, but to help those
around them not to lust. Good job. But what about other areas? If you
know your roommate gets upset when you never pay the bills on time but
continue to do it each month, are you honoring them? Why not get the
money to them the day the bills arrive or very soon afterward rather
than two weeks later and a day after the bills are due? If you know it
bothers your roommate when you eat his food without asking, why
continue to do so and provoke him? In one sense the roommates should be
patient and more giving with their food, but are you helping them or
provoking them to anger? To provoke someone to anger because you think
their attitude is wrong may work in some way, but it is a skewed form
of justice.
Dishes, laundry, cleanliness, lawn care, dress,
words, the things you do, the things you spend your money on,
hygiene... are you honoring those around you and God with all this?
Give it a try. Be a blessing. Honor people; see what happens.
| | |
| Hello worldHello again. Once again it has been a while. I am well. Just a lot going on. Making adjustments for the Fall and taking everything a step at a time.
I read a play for the first time outside of school and it was very enjoyable. It was Arthur Miller's Resurrection Blues. I'm wanting to read more and maybe go see some sometime. I may trying writing one, since the format seems to fit my writing style more. I've been struggling to write short stories and haven't been happy with the results. Perhaps plays allow for a more poetic approach. I have this idea I've had for a few months but I don't know where to start. I wish I were more talented. I watch interviews with authors and stuff like that and listen to them give their expertise and inside I'm saying that they're full of crap and they're just like me struggling to produce anything beautiful and hoping someone will be moved by it. Then after the fact they're like, Oh, this is how I did it, but they don't know.
I want to resurrect The Invisibles. For those of you who don't know, it was this artists collective and online web journal of sorts I tried to get going. No one who said they wanted to be a part of it really did anything, including me. I don't know where to start though.
And that new old computer I mentioned last week screwed me over. It crashed and as far as I know I've lost everything. Every song, poem, story I've ever written, pictures, old school stuff, websites, all gone. All my music was on an external drive, so it's ok. Hopefully I can recover most of it, I just don't feel like attempting it right now.
Maybe it's time for a new beginning. Maybe that's what all this means, all these thoughts and occurrences. Maybe it's already happening and I don't even know it.
I really don't understand this peace I've had lately.
Check out the band it says I'm currently listening to. Very beautiful music and lyrics. Very.
On the oldest day
That the world has known
I will meet you in the place we share
And it's not okay
But you're not alone
I will find a way and meet you there
And all the ships are lost on the river
I'll swing a light on the safest shore
And it's not okay
But it's not too late
Cuz we're not alone anymore
*edit: While reading over this post as I often do because I'm self-conscious of blatant errors, I realized that all is not lost, that I had printed out about 15 poems prior to the Crash of 2007. So I'll share one. It's based on an odd phenomenon in my life that I have come to notice, that at the lowest of my my depravities and actions, I often find that there is a song in my head completely contrary to the situation. It's a really hauntingly beautiful thing.
Mockingbird
Between the low and high
The mighty and week
I find but one redeeming value in this man
That though it oft is muffled
Mangled and off key
You have put a song in my soul
That I walk through meadows
And stumble through rocky ridges
But always these songs are there
And I find that I who wait
For the mockingbird to sing
Am he that has known not his feathers
| | |
| It's been a while. How are you?
School kicked my butt Summer I. I won't be graduating in August. I'm kinda depressed about it. But I've finally learned to take life in segments, a day at a time, a month, a semester, 100 years, Etc.
I got a new computer. It's actually a new old one someone gave me and I pretty much had to replace everything in it but the motherboard and processor. Those are the expensive parts though, so that's good. It's a good bit better than my old one, but still outdated I guess. I was hoping my iTunes stuff would work on this one that wouldn't work on the old one, but no luck. iTunes stinks. I bought movies that I can't watch even though I have the minimum system requirements they suggest. Jerks.
Been a while since I recorded anything too. This one's kinda dark and serious (sorry, I've been reading a lot of Flannery O'Connor lately). Sounds cool though cause it's in the tuning CGCGCC. I couldn't sing at all on this one though. Worse than usual. It's about life questions and grace and a lack of grace and pure motivation. It's not really how I'm feeling, but I was thinking about a story our friend Daniel told us about how he asked a young kid what you have to do to go to hell and he replied, "Be good."
Blind Man: LYRICS | MP3
| | |
|
