| - Chop 'em Down Dear Journal:
I know that there are people out there that love me for who i am: a crazy, outgoing, loud, obnoxious, lively young man who has to much love for other people. Who listens to all kinds of music, and will make friends with anyone given enough time. and god knows im thankful for them. Without them i dont know what i would trully do.
I guess the thing with me is, im not upset that i dont have enough friends. its just i hate losing friends. i can count numerous people that i have loved as a brother or sister and i no longer talk to them, and it upsets me. i miss them.
I think the scariest thing for me is when i can feel myself losing my best friend. its happened many times before. i can no longer make him laugh as much. i cant keep him entertained. he doesnt call me to hang out anymore that often. He seems bored with me. and no matter what i do, i still cant get his attention. and i just want him to know that he has helped formed me into what i am today. this might all sound really wierd to anyone reading this. but if you were in my position you would understand. we had a relationship like brothers. i love my brother. i loved him like a brother.
This is probably going to sound completely rediculous. but i dont want to lose his friendship like ive lost so many in my past. and it really scares me. because he has taken me into this "public school" lifestyle that i was not used to. and without him there for me the past 2 years, i probably wouldnt know half the people i do now, and i wouldnt know how to be myself like he has tought me so well.
And i know this might seem wrong, but i look up to him alot, and i know some of you reading this might say "woah...Grant, your wierd" but its true. i mean he has been through so much and he used to tell me all of that. and i know if i was in his shoes i wouldnt be where he is...id be somewhere completely differant. I would be in alot more trouble, and have no real hope for my life. and for that i look up to him, he can do something that i cant. he is strong.
Now it feels like his is going downhill with his life. he has no love interest. and the one thing i want for him is to be happy. ive looked and tried so hard to get him with this girl. and its not that the girl didnt like him, its just that there was some wierd distance between them that couldnt really be conquered and they just werent really right for eachother. god knows ive tried.
I am far to weak to save Hollywood.
Grant.
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