Weblog

Thursday, July 24, 2008

  • Leasing vs. Purchasing

     

    The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce
    is as follows:

    After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.
    Assuming he got a bang every night during their 5
    year relationship (which would NOT have happened!),
    it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

    On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen,
    an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges
    $4,000 an hour. For anything that your heart desires!

    Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he
    would've paid a total of $7.3 million for an hour of
    sex every night for 5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).

    Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no
    begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all
    requests, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no
    bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all,
    she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you
    ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.

    Sometimes leasing makes far more sense.


     

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Monday, July 07, 2008

  • Its Tough to Get Old !!!!!!

     

    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm
    count as part of his physical exam. 
     
    The doctor gave the man a jar and said,     'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'  
      
    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the     doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. 
     
    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
    'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my
    right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand,
    but still nothing". 
     
    "Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
    hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her
    mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out,
    still nothing". 
     
    "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried
    too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even
    tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing". 
     
    The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor'? 
     
    The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open". 
     

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Monday, June 30, 2008

  • An Italian Mother

     

    Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner... who lives with a female roommate Maria... 
    During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. 
    She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more 
    curious. 

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there 
    was more between Anthony and roommate than met the eye. 
    Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, 
    Maria and I are just roommates.' 
     
    About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been 
    unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' 
    Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote: 
    Dear Momma, 
    I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' 
    take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. 
    Love, Anthony 
     
    Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Momma which read: 
     
    Dear Son, 
    I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But 
    the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. 
    Love, Momma 
    Lesson: Never lie to your Momma... especially, if she's 
    Italian
     

     


Top Tags - Weblog

[no tags]