Currently Playing This Time Around By Hanson if only see related

once again its been a while.  maybe thats because i work five days a week and between work and modeling/acting class and school i can hardly keep up with sleeping and what social life i used to have.  i dont even know when the last time was that i got to hang out with my friends on a weekend besides when i went to johns house a few weeks ago.  the other nite i was crying for like an hour and having a nervous breakdown because i can't handle it all anymore.  working five days a week and trying to balance my life on top of that is wearing me thin and i can't do it anymore.  therefore im gonna have a talk with my boss about cutting my hours to 3 days a week.  not to mention my grades absolutely suck this marking period and im terrified to even see my report card.  i havent even seen jess in the last 2 weeks which is like shock therapy cause she usually never leaves my house. 

i got my pictures back on sunday (from my 1st photo shoot)...most of them sucked.  idk its probably just my being paranoid and self conscious but i only liked maybe 4 of them. 

not in too great of a mood once again...idk everything is just getting to me nowadays probably from the lack of sleep thing and ive barely gotten 4 hours of sleep a nite in the last week and a half....and saturday morning on my way to class my dad informs me that straight from class were taking edna all the way to atlantic city for hairshow selections and wont be back til late which totally ruined all possibly plans not to mention i was up til 3 am the nite before omg i was sooo unbelievably pissed not even so much that we were going but that he didnt tell me until it was too late for me to get my mom to go along w/ us n take me home so i could sleep....and he NEVER ever tells me anything until the last minute when i cant back out and he does it alll the time...omg i was furious i called my mom in tears cause i was so tired and so pissed off i wanted to flip shit cause he didn't even care...and of course i was up til 3 am helping edna n tinz find stuff to wear and then hadda get up at 7 for classes again....then at the last second when my mom was gonna take jess n i to the mall so we could finally hang out, my uncle calls to say he got a hotel room at the trump for free and wanted to know if my mom wanted to go n see ednas show so i never saw jess n ended up driving up w/ them and didnt get home til 12 again which really pissed me off again and i havent slept much since and im just so irritable and bitchy and i just want to get away from absolutely everything....

in short, cay u need to come visit me cause its gonna be hell until u do.  cannot fucking wait until summer either ah its gonna be tight. well im gonna go before i start flipping out again.

love always.

Oh and a special Happy Birthday out to Patrick Michael Murray...love ya.

wow you know what i noticed? i was reading my diary and i realized that everything from last summer is coming back.  with guys, and cay, and making plans and everything.  its on repeat i swear.  like just reading every entry i wrote last summer it all makes so much sense and its so weird to read but it all comes together in some weird way. 

comments are welcomed.

Currently Playing This Woman By Leann Rimes nothin bout love makes sense see related

slept in today because i didnt go to school.  felt like crap all night and morning and to tell you the truth, i wouldve been ever so screwed had i gone to school.  and blablabla.  well this weekend wasn't bad.  saturday we went to my nana's house for easter/birthday celebrations and edna and i layed on the couch the whole day fighting over boys.  sunday, easter, i got up reallllly late which was soo nice (i wouldve slept later had my phone not woken me up every 5 minutes)....jumped in the shower and went to pick up edna and tina and then we came home and went to my grandma's house and didn't get back til about 930.  it was nice to see all my family again cause i don't always get to go to family things anymore when im working.  and im kind of worried about my uncle because one of the girls who was murdered in king of prussia in that triple-stabbing incident last week was a girl that he grew up with and was going to call that day and he started drawing a gun next to the murderers picture and he had that look of fire in his eyes like he wasn't going to rest until he knew that guy was dead and it kind of scared me.  i just hope hes okay. 

and yesterday of course i worked but it wasn't bad after a certain asshole (cough don cough) left and we got really slow and once again got to sit back and watch people make fools out of themselves but what else is there to do right? 

i still can't stop thinking about that certain topic thats been driving me slightly crazy for a while now.  boys, of course.  i just don't know what to think anymore theres so many things telling me to give up and let it go but so many signs telling me to just play it out and ah i dont care anymore.  i really shouldnt.  but i do.  and i know on the one hand it would never work out but on the other it would still be fun.  and then theres the whole boy-next-door side.  that i'm not going to worry about until the time comes so i guess well just have to wait and see right?  dont yall just love how i dont use any specifics in here?  i wish i could but the internet is just so impersonal.  i think im going to start writing in my journal again, which i havent done since the end of the summer.  last time i read it, i started freaking out and writing nasty comments on the backs of the pages because it was just weird for me to read something that i felt totally different about months later.  and now im gonna go get dressed and clean my room before my mom decides to do *deep cleaning* which will completely ruin my life if you know whats hiding in my closet.  i shall say no more and be gone before i incriminate myself any further.

love always.

Currently Playing This Time Around By Hanson **if only** see related

the last 2 days have been good.  woke up at 730 am due to my leaving my tv on all nite so i got an early start which wasnt bad.  yesterday my mom n i got up n went to the kop mall for a good 5 hours and met my aunt and connor for lunch (hes so funny he kept saying thank you to everyone for everything its so cute) and then they took him to see the easter bunny...the whole way down there he was all excited like WERE GONNA SEE THE EASTER BUNNY! EASTER BUNNY! EASTER BUNNY! And then they get down there and he takes one look at the easter bunny and starts screaming I DONT WANT TO!!!!  it was soo funny.  i love photo shoots because its an excuse for me to buy new clothes and things that i normally wouldnt wear.  I got this really pretty flowly/gauzy pale yellow halter dress that comes just below the knees for my formal wear, a long blue tiered skirt with sequins on the bottom and this cream colored halter with little embroidery on the top to go w/ it, and for 'schoolwear' i got these white capris with black pinstripes and a white cami and black top to go with it.....the downside was i had to pay for a lot of it.  but i love shopping when it doesnt involve school clothes so it was cool.

today i woke up at 730 once again and my mom n i went to my cousins' house...we were supposed to make easter candy but my mom couldnt find anything to make it with so we just ate lunch and chilled for a while and left.  Then i went with my mom to the hospital to visit her friend but we got there a little late so she was already in surgery (long story) and then we left and went to cvs and came home.  and now jess is here so im gonna go.

comments are appreciated.

<3.