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| i guess its just one of those nights. =D
up late again. its like... 420. waaaah? FADED?! naaat. hahaha. iono. i just wish sleep wasn't so necessary. like... people were more active so that life could be more interesting.
o0o wee. a walk to remember super woke me up. hahaha. mann... and i'm supposed to wake up to go with ate mia to her insurance company. then hang out all day with kat? wow...
perseverance? something that you should be asking God for daily. the strength and endurance to keep running His race. at least you can keep in your heart the fact that even if you get tired of running the race, you can always know that you aren't running it alone.
i DARE YOU to move.
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| anthro research paper. simple task or feat of God?
it just goes to show you that God truly works in mysterious ways and can use anything for His glory. ANYTHING.
so this paper right, really stressing me out. i hate writing papers. blah blah blah. But when i got crackin on it and started talking to my parents, it was so great having a conversation with them. i just sat on my dad's bed listening to him tell stories about his childhood growing up in the provinces of the philippines. iono. it was just such a blessing to be allowed that time to get to know my parents a little bit more. i complain a lot about disconnected my family is. but with this... iono. i just feel really great. i love my parents so much. i understand what they went through and all the crap that was so hard for them. they could have taken the easy way out but they didnt. they didnt because when they saw their work or whatever challenge the had to face, THEY SAW ME. they saw the life i could have if they worked that extra day. if they held on a little longer to get that job.
omg. its hella making me emotional because it just makes me feel so stupid for all the times i get mad at them because they wouldnt give me something i wanted or denied me anything. how selfish am i? like... who am i to be asking so much from them when they're the ones who i should be working for and making their lives easier. i do so much that make them sad and hurt them, and yet at the end of the day, because they're my parents, i know that they love me. always have and always will.
and when i see them doing this for me, i see God because i know what is going on is His will. my parents are a stunning example of what God has done for use, His children. it just puts my whole life into perspective. like... what am i doing in my life? do i want to live it just for me, or have some meaning in life and take a step to live to help others.
romy and dosie coloma
mom and dad, i love you so much. always and forever.
=.D
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| xanga is hella feeling neglected. poor xanga. hahaha. i've recently replaced xanga kinda with my new buddy composition book.
sorry xanga. no big blog for you to keep. too much homework to do. maybe sometime whenever i get done with all the homework i got goin on.
just wanted to remember.
happy day. i could sing of Your love forever. better is one day. He knows my name.
killer set. probably the best worship i have ever lead at church. EVER. it's quite a feeling opening your eyes from the set and seeing people totally being moved by the Holy Spirit because of your leadership in the Lord. something i've never really been able to accomplish the way i've wanted to.
praise GOD.
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| BIG sighhhhh.
it seems just like yesterday when they asked me if i could come through with being on pcn's tinikling team. so many mixed feeling. i DO NOT want to do this because i want to have a life yennoe. practices till midnight or later? hell no. ohhh how wrong was i? the practices didn't take away time for me to have a life. the practices became my life. i don't want to practice till midnight or later? i wish practices everyday would never end. they were SO right when they said PCN is the greatest experience pac had to offer. it's so much bigger than friendship games and all the meetings and things we do. oh my gosh. it's still hard to think that next week, i won't have any idea about what i'm going to do. over the last few weeks, we in tinikling have grown so close. we were just students before that just wanted to dance. after all the hours of practice, we've grown into so much more than that. we became family. it's just like i talked about in my essay for my pcn class. i wanted to join to meet new people and make relationships with people. i came out of pcn with so much more than i anticipated. those hours of nervousness and anxiety thinking about every step of the dance so we don't mess up don't even compare to the feeling once you step out of the wings onto that stage. you see everyone cheering for you. the ENTIRE building of 1000+ people are there to see you show what you have accomplished and what culture really means to you. but ass soon as the feeling comes over you, it's gone in the fastest minutes of your life. the feeling at the end of the dance just posed in completeness, i wish we could have sat there forever. sadly, TERRIBLY, they shut off the lights HELLA quick during our amazing deafening standing ovation. i'm still in awe that we did it. we've come so far. time flies so fast. i have no idea where all the time went all of a sudden. seriously, i hate time. all i have left are just photographs and memories of the times we had. all the MILLIONS of inside jokes and things that got us through every night. there was never a night that i truly hated. yes our coords were super hard on us, but it was ok because if it wasn't for that, we might not have done what we did at pcn. ahhhhhhh. iono. it's not so much pcn that i'm going to miss. mostly, it's just being with those great people everyday of every week.
ughhhh. pcn withdrawals suck.
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| emo music has been my forte for the last few days.
but yeah. with emo music comes unnecessary feelings. it's like... certain music brings out different things in me.
jealousy?
sucks. i hate the idea of being jealous. but yeah. i think i am a really jealous person. iono if it's jealousy exactly, but it's like... i see people with these things and they're soooo happy. and it just makes me wish that i could have what they have. or it makes me think about like... what's so wrong with me that i can't be like them. ugh. how depressing right? it's just that time of the night i guess. maybe this is all that's left in my head when i get to the end of my days. everything else is spent. and all i'm left with is emotions. the crap left at the bottom of the bucket that know one wants to know about during the rest of the day. stuff that i don't even want to deal with. pretty wack.
ugh. i've been really slipping lately. drifting. it's so bad. things have become so different the last few weeks. i guess i am pretty week when i comes to being committed in such a hard environment to work in. things that i thought i'd never get into. ever. iono what's going on. i really needa get my head and heart in the right place.
terrible.
i hate thoughts. it's like a voice that just won't shut up and i can't stop. ever. thinking things. assumptions. man. im such a hypocrite. i always tell people not to assume because it's not really good. but then yeah. im sooo guilty of assuming things about people. what the hell. who am i? today, who am i? i don't even know...
i wish things didn't have to change so much. some of the things that brought out the best of me and made me feel like nothing else mattered and everything would always be okay have seemed to fall away from me.
i feel so alone right now. like... wow. i have so many friends, but when can i ever talk to them? ugh. i think im failing at being a good friend right now. ones i hold so dear and close in my heart, i don't even keep close tabs with them anymore. then the friends i see a lot now, they're only friends at school or practice. i can never really talk to them on the phone or ask them to hang out. ugh.
oh man.
arrested by your truth and righteous
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit lead by your word
your love will never fail
your love will never fail
this is probably one of the hardest times in my life because i know what i should be doing and what's right, but i go along with the crowd. and i claim to be such a great representative for Christ.
what is wrong with me...
oh Lord. i find hope in your love and how You always provide for my needs daily. no matter how dirty i am and how many times i've made you cry, You will always take me back. no matter what. to love someone so unworthy of anything more than a glance from you leaves me in awe and calls me to surrender who i am to you. in you i find my greatest happiness. you give me peace and rest when i grow weary in this world.
thank You for everything.
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