This thing used to mean so much to me. It was self-expression. It was my facade. It was a place where I could go to reaffirm that people actually cared what I said. How stupid. I relied on this thing. 8th grade and 9th grade, especially. I used to come here to see what everyone else was doing. What was going on in their lives. The drama. That sort of odd thing. I used to update everyday, if not more. And now I don't even look at this thing. I forgot my password, haha. I can't believe I used to look at David's xanga to find out what he was thinking. What a medium. I guess that was because we still couldn't ask each other what was wrong. We weren't prepared to be honest face-to-face. Things are so far away online. It's real... but it's not. You can get away with saying anything. Things you wouldn't say otherwsie. But the internet makes it so easy. Well, I dyed my hair again. What else is new. Yesterday was our 17th month, but I think we forgot to celebrate. We forgot that we said we would go have dinner. Oh wellz. I don't miss this thing. I have too much of a life. I guess the more involved you become, the less time you have to sit around pathetically reading other people's blogs. Sometimes I go a week or more between getting on the internet. I'm not really sure what I've been doing lately, but it beats this. I've been enjoying music (both making and listening to). I've been trying to do better in school. I've been preparing for college. I've been hanging out with David and Lacy. I've been watching How It's Made and the Dog Whisperer. I've been sitting in the sun. I've been organizing my closet. I've been aquiring new piercings. I've been running up my phone bill. The usuals, I guess. Sometimes its interesting to see your past. I have some journals I kept when I was in 7th grade. God, I was so stupid back then. I can't even believe it was me writing that shit. Anyways, I found them but I'm too afraid to read them. I think I kept them because I needed closure. I needed physical proof that I've changed. But I don't want to have to face that old person, because it's a girl I don't recognize anymore. I think its time I throw away those old journals and diaries. I don't need to hold on to them anymore. I'm not as creative as I used to be. I'm not as origional or unique. And my sense of humor definitely went downhill, haha. But you know... I think I'm more comfortable now. I'm not trying to be different. There are a couple of people I know right now who remind me so much of when I was trying so hard to be different. They're cute and "unique" and all that bullshit... but they're just trying so hard. I think to myself, God, I'm glad I grew up. I guess they will too. On the up side... I'm already garunteed to go see The Early November. After that is Norma Jean and Brand New. I haven't been to a concert since summer. Jesus. That's so long ago. I can't wait (= | 
