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Name: Zee
Country: United States
State: New York
Birthday: 10/7/1985
Gender: Female


Interests: Cosmopolitan; anything to do with puppies, especially Pugs; hot, fast, curvacious cars; movies that are worth watching; "books-turned-into-movie" movies; relationships; teen angst shows; obsession with The Simpsons; black and white pictures; meaningful things said by ordinary people; old school songs; foods from asian countries; how the way people act conflicts with how they feel.
Expertise: Having an endless list of nicknames: Zee Zelda Zorro Zeemo Zeebra Bunnie KPLz #32 *Purity* ~*ViVacIouS Boobie*~ Zeeti ZERO naZi
Occupation: Student
Industry: Business


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AIM: kplzpurity


Member Since: 12/14/2003

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

How do u decide when to move on? Is it when you can't bear the frustration anymore of 'working things out"? How do two people heal from a wound of mistrust? Once you lose that trust, how do you rebuild it? I can't remember a time when someone truly hurt me and I let them remain in my life in any significant way. I may still treat them with courtesy and respect but they seldom mean more than a common acquaintance. You grow up and you learn and you change, hopefully stronger and wiser. Your childhood friends moved on to different paths and distance moves in to take over the empty spaces left behind. I need to fill this void left behind by someone I once knew. I don't know how to start anew when everything is tainted by betrayal. What should I do when neither of us are willing to not only try, but try harder? How much one can take in and forgive is measured by one's willingness to remain strong for the other. How much sacrifice is enough when you feel nothing is returned? There are times when I feel as if I'm an idiot. Other times I feel as though what I'm putting myself through and the pain that I'm swallowing is worth the criticism by anyone outside our coupledom. All the fighting is deteriorating the love and respect that we shared and yes, it hurts like hell.


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Love is such a paradox.

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they use to be?

::edit::

"On Bended Knee" by Boyz II Men

I was listening to this old school song on the subway and realized that it's hard to find songs that sounds like this anymore. Yes, things have shifted but maybe some time & space can bring us back to the next level with a new perspective.

From my Dec. '06 Glamour magazine:

7 Levels of Relationships

1 - Infatuation - Can't keep your hands off each other...actually thinking about having kids, etc.
2 - Free fallin' - First "honeymoon" phase...adventurous enough to do the deed in public?
3 - Getting Emotionally Naked - Admitting your fears and shames.
4 - ESP? - Don't even need to explain yourself because the other person is already thinking the same.
5 - Breathing Room - Taking space to redeem your own separate lives.
6 - Second Fall - Fall in love with him/her again over breakfast.
7 - As Good As It Gets - Where we all want to end up to be.

Which level are you on?


Thursday, September 14, 2006

In my mind I went to an island where the past meets the present and I had a conversation where I wish I knew the answers to all the curious questions from my logic and reasoning. I found no answer at all but just another series of possibilities that dominoes from one to the next. Brainstorming a map of daydreams, desires, fantasies, hopes and wishes. Fear shakes the foundation of believed truth and honesty. You are always reshaping since you are never born the real you. True self is shaped by the many flavors that you taste along the way and is life sweeter because you learned from tasting the bitter? Are any of us ever naked to the point where we can't hide behind the almightly proverbial mask? Will we ever admit our true self to ourselves? Or are we just rationalizing what we created in our minds so that we can ease ourselves off the guilt? Tragic circumstances bring out the morbid curiosity. Why can't I put down my real thoughts even now? I felt free on the island. Stripped of all the restrictions created by others. Why does a question always lead to another question? We can't decide and stop fluctuation. Can't choose one, ever. We're all fat kids that want our cakes. How will I feel tomorrow? Do I need the illusion of infinite paths to ease the suffocation on the very island that I begin with?

"Addicted"

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

::edit::

Your Birthdate: October 7
You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July


Saturday, July 15, 2006

Buy The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger 

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. 

Pick it up from B&N, or better yet, I'll lend it to you myself. 

This is to those who knows better than to sit and watch wasteful hours of television. 

I ignored Eric for many hours, refusing to talk to him until I was finished. 

It was worth it


Sunday, June 18, 2006

the greatest irony of love
loving the right person at the wrong time.

having the wrong person when the time is right.

finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.

 

sometimes you think you are already over a person,

but when you see them smile at you,

you will suddenly realize that you're just pretending

to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that

they will never be yours again.

 

for some, they think that letting go is one way

of expressing how much you love the person.

in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love

being held by someone else.

most relationships tend to fail not because of

the absence of love. love is always present.

it's just that one was being loved too much

and the other was being loved too little.

 

as we all know that the heart is the center of the body.

but it beats on the left. maybe that's the reason

why the heart is not always right.

 

most often, we fall in love with the person we think

we love but to only discover that for them,

we are just for past times, while the one who truly

loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

 

so here's a piece of advice:

let go when you are hurting too much.

give up when love isn't enough, and move on

when things are not like before.

for sure, there is someone out there
who will love you even more



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