Yesterday, the MIL drug me out with three kids to see this place.  I understand that bugs are a vital part of the ecosystem and all that jazz, but really, a bug zoo is just a bit much for me.  And this place did little to add to my "love" of bugs.  To start with bugs are evil which is why I spend so much of my time cleaning in an effort to ensure that they stay out of my home, and generally killing the hell out of them outside.  I HATE BUGS.  But, this trip was for the kids right?  Well stupid me forgot that kids are generally stupid, and they like things that are a) disgusting, and b) scary-and this place served up both. 

First of all, they had the requisite lady with a live tarantula showing off how disturbed she was by carrying the thing around.  She gave this great speech about how harmless these GIANT SPIDERS are, but was quick to dismiss anyone who asked to touch the thing because the spider might GET SPOOKED AND BITE!!!!  For real?  And this was just the start of the day.

In addition to hating bugs, do you know what else I hate?  Closed in dark places where there are things that either pop out at you or touch you or any shit like that.  Have you ever been to Honey I Shrunk the Audience at Disney?  Well I haven't, because just one experience with Bug's Life in Disney's animal kingdom was enough to show me that that type of "entertainment" just wasn't for me.  Of course, the MIL loves, LOVES to see me in any state of weakness, so she literally dragged me into the Bug's Life rip off movie at this bug zoo.  I was poked, stung, and generally harassed in a dark small movie theater.  I finally went and sat on the stairs just hoping that I was breaking a fire code and would be thrown out, but no such luck.  Then the MIL had the nerve to tell me that EVERYONE LOVES those types of "rides".  Stupid me told her that no, not EVERYONE likes that shit, because I personally hate it.  But that wasn't the best part of my day either...oh no.

There was a "cave" that was dark, and small, and the highlight of this cave was a giant spider that pops out of the walls.  Isn't that cute? 

But perhaps the "best" part of the bug zoo was the demonstration about "local" bugs, and how they are so very 'useful".  To illustrate this fact, the powers that be decided that they would have a Volkswagen Beetle set up with a movie showing on the inside of the windshield.  The movie was a riveting two parter, with the first part being a long show of what our cars look like down here in Louisiana in the summer-namely covered with squashed bugs because bugs are stupid and if you can kill a lot of them at one time then you are a hero!  No, actually, I'm not really sure of the point, but I digress...the second part of this was a "game" where you are "driving" the car and have to clean the dead bugs off of your windshield...I shit you not.

Either way, at least they were honest about it.  Still, if I ever find myself having to go back to this place, you can rest assured that I will be going with a rolled up newspaper and a huge can of Raid.

Today, I'd like to dedicate this entry to the MIL for kindly explaining to me that Bobby Jindal is (despite any FACT to the contrary) indeed a BLACK MAN, which is why McCain would never even consider him as a running mate.  Because you know, racism above all else is the best reason to discredit someone.  Thank you, you small minded ignoramous-even when you disgust me, you still manage to make me feel good about myself.