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officialwonderwoman
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Name: SHY!
Birthday: 2/9/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: BrandonBoyd, MyMommy, WonderWoman, Blink182, Green, BigRings, EasyBakeOven, Non-MatchingSocks, Emo, CottonCandy, RaspberryIceTea, Tamagotchis, Rainbows, GarbagePailKids, Casey, Paintings, GwenStefani, Nordstrom, Tony&TinaMakeup, AliceInWonderLand, Stars, Cookies, IceCream, JonesSoda, Josie, Prisims, TuTus, Extacy, HandSanitizer, MakingGreen&PurpleCakes, Computers, Bacon, ColoredEyelashes, Water, CleanLaundry, Sunflowers, DiscoBalls, Reflectors, ColoredHair, BeingDifferent, Barbies, Roxy, GodivaChocolate, TheNumber "5", Spiders, SeaMonkeys, FuzzyPillows, Monkeys, PopTarts, Toothpaste, and...did i say Brandon BOyd?
Expertise: Computer programming, Multimedia, Graphic Design, Drawing with Charcoal, Wonder Woman, making people think im crazy (for some reason), and telling the truth.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  anadragonfly
Yahoo:  officialwonderwoman
Member Since:
11/24/2003
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| ok so its not like im trying to be a fucing bitch or anything, its just i told him to leave me alone, i just need some time to think about it, its not a big deal i just was to consier things, and i am also tryign to lok at it from his point of view becuase i dont think that i do that enough. and anyways, who calls someone at midnight? i mean i have school, even though i didnt go but i mena i was tired and i mean i didnt want to talk i was sleeping for goodness sake, but yeah.
he said heknew why i was mad, i wonder what he thinks it is, i kinda dont want to talk about it but i want to know what he thinks it is... maby i cought him in somthing i dont know i dont know what to say anymore maby ill just call him. | | |
| OMG, this is making me soo mad, i mean WTF, i just called him and its like i think that i would feel better if he was atleast sleeping, but fuck THE REASON HE DIDNT INVITE ME INSIDE, the reason he didnt want me to be with him is whhhatttt again? i mena his roomate has his girlfriend over, but im not there, wtf, its like he doesnt even want me over there, thats fine im not gonna call that fucking ....errr.....
he doesnt even care, fuck that, i dont care, its
really im sooo mad because its like
i just miss him,
a lot, and its like it jsut never seems to be fair, like he never misses me like i feel like i miss him i mean his trying to hard is just saying nice things to me because hes not used to being nice to people so thats just him trying. but im nicer, so i have a higer standard to be nice, bringing him dinner is just a casual nice to him, its like, why did i have to call him if all he was doing for 1 hours was watching tv? i call him when i know hes at work, but i still call. I hate our reltionship, i just want this shit to be over with, i hate this shit. | | |
| ok so I'm not telling anyone but I'm seriously considering doing suicide girls, like I really want to and I have been doing all the paper work, I did everything its just coming down to the photos, I'm scared, and I need a photographer, and I don't know its just a lot but yeah , so what I did come here to talk about was yes,
but so I m thinking,
its like well if I'm not coming in then why do you let me take you home?
I know he told me that he didn't want to do anything
but HE always says that.
so its like I want him to want me to come in
I mean ihave a hard day too, and really its getting to the point where I really don't want to tell him what's going on or how my day REALLY is, becuase its like i feel like i complain too much but its like if I don't to him then who am i going to talk to? and if i was going to talk to someone else, then he would get mad, and its like i just want to shuddup now and not say anything, but i think a lot when i drive and i was thinking about things taking him home and i don't like how things are i don't like how we party separately we are together that means we go together right? but i mean not all the time but when i need him there for me he should be and not bother to even know what his boys are doing i mean hees always coming first to me, and it like he says .. oh i miss you but its like I've been waiting for him to call me since i left his house just so i can ignore his phone call because its like, man, i just am always tired, but I'M STILL TRYING, i feel like im the only one who is trying if i didn't go and get gas and go and see him all the time we would NEVER see each other, NEVER, its like he misses me but its like he doesn't want me to come over? even when he misses me so much? that's not missing me i mean if it is then I'm obsessed, i mean when i tell him i miss him i go over there i used to WALK over there. i mean that's MISSING SOMEONE, i will GO OVER THERE NO MATTER WHAT, i will see him, no matter what, and its like i feel like we don't do anything together were always working and school, adn just busy and its like when he can he wants to hang out with his friends and skate, and its like just like when is this going to end, i think and i think and its like this isn't going to be ending anytime soon, not in a YEAR! unless like me or him get a new job, but i don't think that's going to be happening for a while.
its not fair, i want to see if I don't go over there, if I don't call him, what going to happen? HUH>? put him in my place, like its so easy to stay over till 4 am and then go to school at 8!
it just like i want him to know what "miss you" really is, because i missed him so bad i want to pick him up from work, drop him off at his house and not be bothered to be invited inside until he finally understood that there was something wrong, so yeah, im sick of this shit, i try hella hard, i hate that shit toop because hes always saying shit like"ohh i try sso hard" YEAH! like i fucking dont? he works a lot, but i mean i go to school study and go to work a lot too, and even tho im soooo tired sometimes i STILL go over there whenever he asks me too because i REALLY miss him. even if i just saw him.
i love him, but its like i have time to think how this relationship truly is, i mean he can do whatever he wants, and i mean I'm too busy to do things i want most of the time and if i could be hanging out with him instead then that's what i would be doing.... that's not the same for him, when is HE going to plann something nice for the 2 of us to do? when is he going TO TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES instead of wasting it on BEER? or CIGARETTES? | | |
| so last night was so sad for me i looked like a torn up woman, all crying n shit, i left my house because i couldnt stand to be here alone, when i was supposed to hang out wiht my cousin to make me feel better, but instead i dont know i think she didnt want to hang out with me for some reason, which made me feel even worse, but so then i was talking on line, crying and my friend nestor said that i should go over there and hang out with him, and well i really wasnt even in the mood to see other boys at this time, i stunk, had no mackup on because it jsut ran off, my nose was stuff, adn i just looked bad, so i was like no but he said that it didnt matter and at least he could comfort me even if i did start to cry. so it made me feel better, it was nice, for once. i got to find out a secret HA HA HA HA, yeah i know i feel special, but like i didnt stay there for too long, i was tired, and well i havent eaten since yesterday at about 3'oclock, so yeah im not feeling well either.
so ... he wants me back really bad, i just dont know what to do thonbecause i mean i dont want him to think that he can just do this anytime he feels like it, but i dont know i want to be with him, bnut also....
i mean estiban called me last night after i was all asleep and he told me somthing that kinda gave me goosebumps, "everything happens for a reason" and i dont know i guess it does, but his intentions werent the same as mine, he was just kinda drunk telling me that he thought i was sexy ha ha i thought it was funny and i mean honestly it DID make me feel better, but yeah, he wants to try it out with the 2 of us, but i dont know about that yet.
everything is just going to fast already, but its like im still stuck, just in the middle of it all, i mean its not like we would ever really have any real problems at all, and so i mean there is no reason that we shouldnt be dating its just that THOUGHT of being single again, being able to do what i want, and not have to think about who im going to hurt or what im going to say, or what i have to do or who to call and who to not call and where im supposed to be at a certian time. idk i just dont know right now i just need somt time. | | |
| I feel so horrible i dont even want to go out anymore, i just keep thinking about him, and crying, crying, im confused, just sitting here wondering about what hes probably doing right now, which is a lot more than what im doing. I cant even look at his picture anymore, i cry, too much at WORK., it was so embaressing.in front of everyone, like i was a big baby, which made me cry even worse, just because that makes me think about him. he used to call me that, but then iget back to what hes doing....
I went on break thinking i wanted to call him, i dont know if i want to, i mean i know, they TOLD me that he didnt mean to break up with me, but you DONT JUST say things like that crushing me, i mean sure we got into a STUPID stupid argument, even about something SOOO STUPID, which i would take THE WHOLE blam for if i knew that he was going to go to this extent with it. i didnt think that he would give up this quick just like that. i think its so unfair. Im in the middle of choosing weather or not i should call him back and try to make things all better again, but i mean its not like hes calling me, and i mean hes the one who ended it. THe things he was so hurtfull to me, i just remember, thinking, " OMG he has never called me that before, whats GOING ON!" i kept thinking what am i doing this i s stupid, why is he saying these hurtfull things, when i got off of work today, i just wanted to go to his house, burry myself in his blankets and him lye there with me,"holding me kissing me" i jsut thought that we would have made it further than this, i was just telling everyone at work how 4 months seemed so long, but i was so happy that it was working, valentines day was comming up and my birthday, and i just wanted it to be nice, but i mean i think all ill be thinking about is him now.
I dont want to see him with any other girl.
he told me that he didnt want anyone else other than me, but i mena he gave up so quickly. I would never have done that, i feel so unwanted.
IM SUPPOSED TO BE THERE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW. were supposed to be happy and kissing, and together! but thats not whats happening!its not fair. i love him, and .... he doesnt want to be with me?
where have i heard this before? this is horrible.
i jsut want him to be ok i guess, he told me he didnt want my love anymore, or me or me caring or whatever he hates about me, so i guess hes happy, i dont think i have ever wanted this for one of my boyfriends before when we break up, but i just want him to be happy. i dont mind that much if he doesnt want me anymore, but i guess he got it over with brfore it was really bad or whatever.
he sure had a lot of time to think about it, 45 min? of text arguing? over the phone the first words were "i think we should break up"
ok thanks, i love you too. goodbye then. my love,
im hurting so bad inside, i cant eat. i didnt eat, i just keep thinking about him,
was i that bad? was i that wrong? i dont know what to do with myself i would always think of myself as always so busy, but now i dont know waht to do with myself. im lonely. and i miss him. | | |
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