Currently Listening Lifehouse By Lifehouse see related

It’s been so long since I drank deep

So long since I felt the rain for more than a passing moment

I’m so often half parched and so often half asleep

How can I live without your presence?

Was I wise when you found me?

Was I noble when you called me?

Was I mighty?

Was I foolish, weak, base and despised, unable to add a inch to my stature?

I have nothing without of You!

I can’t even know You… without You!

Here I am like a child looking up

Arms stretched out

Impatient

But could it be… that you find me irresistible when I reach, when I call,

WHEN ALL THAT I AM CRIES OUT…. DADDY!!!!!!

I wait for the rain

I watch for the clouds

I wait for the waves

Come crashing over me

"They were hungry and thirsty; their soul fainted within them. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He delivered them out of their distress. He led them ablso by a straight way, To go to an inhabited city. Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men! For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry He has filled with what is good."

Psalm 107: 5-9

Currently Reading The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical By Shane Claiborne see related

Hold me in your arms

hold me close to your chest

wrap you arms around me

I want to hear you breath

I want to feel your chest rise and fall

and with my eyes closed

and my mouth silent

I can hear your heart beat

In being loved, I can love

In being held I can hold

In hearing your heart beat

Mine will start beating also

Forgive me for trying to love out of my own shallowness and not allowing you to show me what love is.

Currently Reading Divine Nobodies: Shedding Religion to Find God (and the unlikely people who help you) By Jim Palmer see related

Matthew 25 14-30

I am so often amazed by my propensity to waste time day dreaming. Often I ponder things that are so small in scope they rarely extend past pining over my own comfort. How many times have you thought about what if this, or what if that? What if I won the lottery (which is very unlikely for me since I don't ever play), what if I won this give away or had someone give me this or that. Maybe those thoughts don't go through your head as much as they do mine. I know its a trust issue but I also think that it has something to do with hidden (or not so hidden) Self centeredness. The truth is the more I read the word the more I can hear Jesus speaking directly to me. Speaking the foundational christian truth, that if we loose our lives we find it. So once again like many many times before I find myself grappling with this truth, trying to let go, disgusted that I'm holding on, amazed that I have been fighting the same fight since my first baby (christian) steps. And it seems that even as I am wrestling with on of these concepts, I find another place in the word that points to my faults, first stinging, then healing, like rubbing alcohol to a skinned knee. This past week I've been feeling the sting from the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25: 14- 30. When I read it I was kind of in a strange place. There verses and chapters preceding Matthew 25 talk heavily about the end times and being prepared, and these verses are no different. They tell the story of a Master going away and leaving a certain amount of talents to three servants. All but one invested the talents and saw a return. The last servant did nothing with what he was given. As I read these verses I had to ask myself, "What am I doing with what I have been given?". I have no problem grasping the fact that God has plans for me... most of the time, most of us struggle back and forth with this concept, but still I think that I have good footing in this area. Besides, when I forget that I have potential I just turn on TBN and wait for Joel Olsteen to come on;) I hope everyone gets that joke! I guess the point I am getting at is this, Are we doing all we can with what God has entrusted to us? Are we doing the "greater works than these" that Jesus talked about? Can I be completely blunt, I am tired of programs. I don't want to listen to someone giving me 10 steps to evangelism. I have started so many of those programs... just to stop not long after. And even beyond that I've grown weary of anything that gives 7 steps to accomplish this or that. I want power! I want change! I WANT LIFE! Jesus talked about a man finding a treasure in a field that had such great a value that he sold all he had to buy the field... what have I sold? I may have had a couple garage sale... you know... the kind where you put for sale signs on a the old junk you don't want any more... mean while all the stuff that holds value sits safely in the house. I guess the truth is that to find your true talents you have to give your life first. I was listening to pillar today and these simple words struck me... Nothing comes that easy Nothing comes for free Something comes from nothing If you're willing to believe Everything has meaning Everything we see Are you ready To give up everything Only time will tell

Currently Listening Spirit Songs: The Best of Bill Miller By Bill Miller Praises see related

Where I have found myself in the past...

"1 Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, 2 saying: "The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; 3 therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. 4 "They  tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. 5 "But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden  their phylacteries and lengthen the  tassels of their garments. 6 "They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues, 7 and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men."

Matt: 23: 1- 7

Where I long for my heart to be (I'm moving from glory to glory) ...

8 "But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers. 9 "Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 "Do not be called leaders;  for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. 11 "But  the greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 "Whoever  exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted." Matt 23:8- 12

Any body have thoughts on these last verses?

"14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates  his brother is a murderer; and you know that no  murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 16 We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.  17 But whoever  has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need and closes  his heart  against him, how  does the love of God abide in him? 18 Little  children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth." 1 John 3:14-18 

      So often the word talks about how we will know a person is by his or her fruit. We will know them by what their lives produce and bring forth. The truth is, from an early age most of us learn how to produce replica fruit (like the kind you see on kitchen counter, Bright and colorful but completely fake). We learn how to hide and put on a mask, how to lie and in a way make sure that only our photogenic side is seen by others. I guess that is a trait we picked up from our first ancestors, Adam and eve, trying our hardest to cover our nakedness with fig leaves. In spite of our history, God in all of his mercy and love, comes to our rescue and covers our nakedness with the blood of His son Jesus. At this point a translation from death to life happens, a change that should effect our whole being. It's a change that is immediate and progressive. The mysteries of this I can't and wont try to explain, all I know is that a completed work happens but  there is still a need for progressiveness. A moving forward, a getting up when you fall, a seeking, a thirst, a pursuit.

 In 1 John 3:14 it says that," We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brethren and that he who does not love abides in death." It is so easy to skim these verses, to read them over, nod your head and move on never really stoping and looking back on our life and assess its fruit. Asking yourself, " Have I loved the brethren or have I been abiding in death? Have I hated? Do I still hold onto bitterness towards others?" John goes on to say that, " We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."  How do I lay down my life for the brethren? How do I live my life for Others? I know that Jesus said,

"YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38 "This is the great and foremost  commandment. 39 "The second is like it, `YOUSHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' 40 "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets." Matt 22: 37-40

But do I live like this? Do I lay my life down for others like Jesus did? Do I go beyond words and tongue to deed and truth? My track record has been pretty dismal. More often caring about my comfort and welfare than what I have to give others. I am not only talking about money and goods,which is a good thermomotor by itself, but I am also talking about time and heart. I don't give of myself selflessly to a community of believers because I am scarred and often more concerned in what they give then what I can pour out from my own life. I must admit I live in a culture that teaches take care of yourself first. It's so backwards! Didn't Jesus pray that we would be one just as He and the Father are one? Did He not pray this so that the world would believe that the Father had sent him? Where is this community? I must repent for my unwillingness to give of myself to see it come forth. I know of many people who long for it, how could we not? It's part of our DNA in Christ. We are denying what the spirit inside of use longs for if we do not pursue oneness. We have to go past affiliations to being the bride waiting for the Bridegroom.

The truth is, the times I have been filled with joy overflowing is not when I am being blessed but when I have seen others blessed by God. Those times, I regretfully admit have been few. Oh Father, fill me with your love. A love that does not give to receive. A love that love enemies. A love that can say,

" whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life for ransom for many." Matt 20: 27&28

Can I come to serve? Can I walk in the same manner as Christ? Can I resolve that My life is not for my pleasure but to be used by the author of life? Father, let it be so.