so..as i was cleaning my room, i came across old middle/high school relics. everything from notes passed about a my (pseudo) significant heart-throb, later "boyfriend", movie stubs, photos, and even programs for school plays. one of the most profound & inspiring lessons i learned in middle school..and not kindergarden per se : )

im sure many of you have read this, heard it, or have seen it (in a play form, movie form, or whatever) but i just wanted to share it once again..

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten (Robert Fulghum)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

gets me every time.. good night everyone.

even when i come home, it doesn't feel like it..

it's hard to face the fact that one moment someone can be totally healthy and the next minute..not.  if you've been wondering where i've been or why i haven't really been returning your phone calls/emo-ish away messages/and mia-ness..my dad had a severe hemorrhagic stroke last month.  i never realized what a private person i could be until this happened. my dad was totally fine and then one day..he ends up in one of the worst conditions a person who has a stroke could have been in.  at one point the doctors were calling and telling us to gather the family..just in case. don't worry. (things a lot better now and he's finally in rehab) it was traumatic and so hard to believe.

i have a new found respect for families going through their hardships and i really wonder how so many people have managed to deal with their own. at one point, i just felt the world was against me but during this..i've only come to realization that there are still people who do care about you.  the day i rushed to the hospital..it seemed like the longest metro ride ever.  i just couldn't help myself and as i sat there with my emotions written all over my face.. a woman approached me and just hugged me and told me whatever i was going through..i was going to get through it. it was comforting to know even though we were total strangers..there's still good people out there. i don't know if it makes sense, or if it'll ever make sense to me..but i know she's right. still, i feel a sense of calmness and surrealness. i can still hear my dad's voice and see him practice his golf swings in my front yard. he'll come around. i know it. from all the reading and research i've been doing..it all says that a positive attitude is the only way that family can keep sane and make it through the hardships ahead. it's confusing and i learn something new everyday but like everyone says..one day at a time.  

yet, i can't deny that the past month has been physically and emotionally exhausting. ever feel like you're in constant motion with no break? with my dad going through rehab now it's gotten a lot better but it's still tiring. in no way am i complaining but instead feeling..a sense of relief. it's going to be a long road to recovery but we're all going to get through this.  what's even funnier is that after all this..the only complaint i have is against our health care system and those who work in it. i understand the medical staff/team have to retain a sense of professionalism and can not let emotions get in the way but it's very frustrating to see idiotic nurses and technicians still being employed. seriously, how hard is it to refer to the patient's charts?  my dad can't talk right now and when he presses the "emergency call" button..don't be sitting there at your desk stuffing your face with donuts (no joke) and call back on the intercom asking what a patient needs help with. i can't even begin to list the ridiculous and absurd things i have witnessed at the hospital. also, for the first time in my life, i am truly jealous of people with money.  not being insured, it's frustrating and disheartening when we have to not only deal with helping my dad through this but with everyone constantly asking how we're going to pay for this and that. how can you put a price on a human life and health?  can you really put a price tag on one's health? shouldn't the main concern getting the patient back to full recovery? working full time, then going back and forth to the hospital/rehab, then dealing with social services/ financial assistance/ medicare/ medicaid is just.. a lot. haha. who would've ever thought that we'd be stuck in this position. i hate to say it but money does make the world go around but just for a second..i just want to pause the constant buzz of the the $1,500/day bill for rehab, or the almost estimated $300,000 hospital bill we're going to have to face. hahahaah. funny, huh?

anyways. it took me a long time to figure if this was going to go private or public but you know what..i don't really care at this point. i figure only good can come out of this. your thoughts and even prayers mean a lot. even though im not the most religious..for those of you who are..it would be nice. also, just for the sake of your loved one..get physicals. take care of yourself. don't forget that everything can change within a matter of seconds.  the morning of the 24th..my dad dropped me off at metro and we were joking about his customers and what not..and then less than 12 hours later..i see the strongest man in shambles. the man who worked to support my whole family. the one only one son who took care of his mother when they came to the states. the one dad who put my brother and through college without debts. the one guy who paid off his house and cars. if you've ever met my dad..you could probably talk about his sense of humor..asking if you had any hot "aunts", or even how he can be scary when you call the house late, or even about he's just an individual who is so determined. it's going to be a month soon and he's made a remarkable recovery thus far. he can only get better.

i just can't wait till he comes home and things are back to normal. whatever normalcy is at this point..who knows. yet.. thats when i think it'll start feeling like home again..