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I'm very bored, and have decided to tell you all one of my many adventurous stories.
I was once abandoned on an isolated island with my two best friends, Heather and Tommy. it wasnt an intentional doing, for we were shipwrecked and left with nothing besides canned goods with no can-opener, which frustrated us all very much. the island wasnt very welcoming... it was green, but reminded me of a pineapple. yes, pineapples arent green, but their surface is rough and spiky, much like the land on the island, hence a pineapple. we found rather quickly that it was nearly impossible to manage any kind of crop on it, so we dug deep holes. why? well, this short side story is rather interesting in itself, so i'll tell you.
We once dug a rather deep hole (I'm not sure what motivated us, but Tommy thought it'd be useful in some unknown way in the future), and when we had finished digging, we had dugged up something similar in appearance to..a watermelon. we all looked at it, and pondered whether or not to taste of it. what if it was poisonous? we all instantly arrived at the conclusion that either heather or i had to taste of it, because Tommy, being THE male, needed to stay alive just incase we werent ever freed from the captivity of this giant pineapple in our life time; we would need to reproduce in hopes of keeping our names alive.
Of course, I didnt want to be the one to taste of such a discernible calamity whence, no less, was from the ground, but heather, in her wrong mind, discarded herself from the job as well. this could only mean one thing: we needed to see who was better at roller skating, but where could we find a rink in the middle of an abandoned island?
Tommy is truly a genius, for he reminded us that roller skating and swimming with sharks were very similar, of course. Anyone who could roller blade well should be able to tame a shark with great ease, and so heather and i set ourselves to the task.
I won.
this was no surprise to me, but after i had done my celebration dance, I began to feel bad. I couldnt leave heather to partake of the unknown fruit herself, if it even was a fruit. I told her i would eat it, and she should listen to me because i had won the contest and this was my will.
I approached the monster-of-a-digestible-product with great poise, and breathed slowly. this task was no easy one(as you can tell, it wasnt poisonous, for i am typing to you now...but I didnt know this at the time). Once I had cut it open with my sia, the one I constantly carry in my back pocket, I discovered that the inside of this watermelon-type fruit was filled with cookie dough, which is, btw, an Egyptian delicacy. i was overwhelmed with excitement. i could become rich off such a discovery! I decided to withdraw this information from my fellow...fellows....for not knowing was of no consequence to them. ohhh, the stomach ache that hit me so suddenly!
Surprisingly, Tommy is a very perceptive individual. He immediately realized that i was baffling them with bull-shit (my mother used this expression the other day, which was shockingly hysterical...and so it's only fair to include it somewhere in the story). of course, I denied it completely, but he soon won my heart over and I couldn't resist his inquiry any longer. Once told, he was perplexed, and then proceeded to tell Heather of the discovery and my plan to get rich was trodden. But this is the reason why we began to dig holes, A. to find this watermelon-shaped cocoon of cookie dough and B. to eat. It's the only way we survived on that island.
So moving on...here I was on an island with no one else in the world except two bafoons, I mean friends. It was a hard 3 years of my life. I found out heather was really a pedophile but she couldn't help it. Youthfulness is just a highly attractive quality to her, and Tommy really doesn't like cheese. It took me awhile to get over the latter, but eventually I decided that I couldn't let it hinder our friendship. So we all clung to each other, built up our self-esteem, and pressed forward towards technological advances and ending world hunger. The only possible way to do this was to go in search of someone on the island. Now I know I told you previously that this was an isolated island, but that was out of ignorance, for we discovered a rather dreadful creature, something along the lines of a cross between a fish and a man. I say this because he looked like a man, but smelt of fish; however, we did not let his appearance deceive us. Tommy and he became acquainted quite readily. I think it was because Thomas needed someone of male specimen to confide in. whatever the case may be, they became good friends.
the fish man became known as john motes because we couldn't understand his native name of johansonwabbithisaboob moapenistoes. So John, Tommy, Heather and I traveled across the island and unwillingly came across a rather odd...sorceress thing, who claimed she was our queen. This came as a great shock to john, who had lived there all his life, for he had never voted for her as queen and I could understand why. As he began to question her, she told us to shut up, and then proceeded to stab us with little pointy sticks. This irritated heather greatly so she and I gathered a bucket of water to dump on her, and lo and behold! She melted. We took pictures so we could have evidence of this phenomenon, and I had planned to steal the pictures once we got back to get rich, but hush. You know nothing of it.
I'm sorry. I'm sure by now you're wondering if this story even as a point. Well, to be blunt with you...no, it doesn't. if you've read this far already you cant blame me for not giving it a point. Actually, I take that back. This story does have a point, and it is that it's impossible to discern one's true intentions. Yes.
So to quickly summarize the remainder of the story, john stole some of the sorceress' potions, made a boat out of one of those ridiculous watermelon things we discovered, and we then sailed all the way to Egypt to get some recipes, then sailed back to the beloved grounds of America where we met up with our families. So then john and heather made many babies, Bill Gates proposed to me, and I decided to not take those pictures, but then also concluded that money wasnt what made me happy in this world. So Tommy and I moved to Alaska where we plan to live happily ever after, practicing our own form of martial art (which focuses on the extensive entwinement of two bodies), and manufacturing straws made from fossilized mushrooms that we discovered in a cave, and all is well with the world.
ZE END!
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