joint core was great! i saw certain things that shouldnt have been seen. called people that i should have called. laughed at jokes that were hilarious only when drunk. meet so many weird but fun girls. and most of all just was forced to love them all! haha

just kidding! but i do love these darn chi delts!

i had a great weekend up at the retreat with the girls. but the end of sat night i was feeling a little off. i mean i was sore all over... EVEN MY TEETH... sleepy, hungry, and itchy from all the bug bites... i just really needed to get home and take a nice shower and hop into a comfy bed. i saw pretty stars and cute little dears and jump into a dirty lake just to ask a guy to give me a ride on this jetski haha.... drinking at 3 in the afternoon and even got to eat SMORES! it was great.

was supposed to go to church with joe today but i was totally out of it... i was SOO TIRED.. and i felt so bad because he seemed a little off after i told him that i wasnt going with him... on a better note ill be seeing him for dinner but too bad he works from 4-12 so itll only be an hour long.

visited johnny today and we went out to lunch. we visted him parents house and i saw that minney the dog had a puppy! he was soo unbelievably CUTE! fit just right into my hands and looked like little pug doggy. his name was Doche.. SO IN LOVE WITH THAT LITTLE CREATURE! hugged and kissed his fam good bye and we left. yesi's birthday party is next week and she proclaims that i must have to be in a dress... even in this weather! but yeah johnny and i left and we did a little shopping at target and then came home....

i think for the rest of the day im going to visit my parents and then pick of the rest of my things at the los al apt. IM SO SAD TO BE LEAVING there now when it comes down to it. i mean it was home for a while... ill even miss bailey haha even if he pooped in my room haha.  afterwards im going to meet up with my SMOE and then go home and baby sit the rug rats.. yeah caden and cameron..

other than that my nap was great! i love everyone in my life and things are good =) i just wish my body didnt ache so much... ahah i was probably drunk and thought that i was superwoman or something hiking up those mountains! grr  hah.

 HAVE A NICE DAY! =)

getting back into the xanga! but yeah im leaving for retreat today... i hope there arent any mountains because im not sure if my car will make it up there or not. i always thought that the older you get the easier things in life will be... but i guess not. decisions are more complicated. drama comes faster in bigger doses than usual. and trust me when i say expect the unexpected.

I did my weekly partying with the high horse eta class girls up in UCLA last night. all the usual party cats were up in that oven... hah literally it was SOOO hot in there. it was an okay night cause i found some SOCO! i taught lurch a new trick last night... everytime i snapped my fingers he gave me one of the biggest monster hugs! it was great up until the point where he decided he didnt want to let go and decided to plant himself on my lap haha he is no small man so i was being crushed.. alive.. just a little bit.. -lot-!

got into a fight with joe yesterday about some so called rumors.... i dont know. i mean i like the guy but it just feels like the next chick hes going to date he wants to marry. seriously hes done the whole frat guy who partys, drinks, and sleeps around.. (besides the sleeping around thing) but im just reaching my peak and im still finding myself. i literally go into the direction that the each morning points to while he has everything figured out.... BUT I LIKE HIM... i guess im not ready to commit or im just scared of something. i havent figured out what it is yet.

ive relocated back to paramount with the family... by force. i guess its not so bad because most of the time im working. OMG im doing about 45 hours next week... talk about OT... i cant wait to get paid. my sister is getting herself ready to pop out baby Carson soon! haha yay for more rugrats-

had a talk with lil one on our drive to and from ucla last. why is it sooooo hard to be happy in life? just a little happiness? i dont know. ive had my shares of downs and now im not going to dwell on it and more forward. the sad thing about having a great guy in my life is the fact that im sitting here missing that bad guy. i dont know how to stop being such a great person towards johnny. i know cutting him completely out of my life would be the ideal thing to do but its sooo hard! why is it that guys dont know what they have until its gone??! its sad that im actually fighting with joe and getting along with johnny now.. ironic?... IS IT BAD TO MISS HIM? OR EVEN NATURAL?

i miss hanging out with jill, glow, meeta, soriya, amber, solita, morry, and christine! its summer and we are supposed to be out and about but i only see them like once in a BLUE  ASS MOON!

i miss jayme too. a lot.

i guess for now i just have to suck it up and take it as it goes... okay im hungry now and im done complaining! until next time!

so much to do... so little time!

sometimes the best way to love someone is by letting them going. being in a relationship teaches you to grow as a person and learn as you go along. to love another person unconditionally..... to enjoy every waking moment, date, romantic night, laugh, scent, touch, kiss, ect.... to be happy for them in life no matter how much it kills you or how it turns out. that is TRUE LOVE. right now im enjoying every moment =) not all happy endings are just stories that havent ended. happy in the mean time =)

mary j blige- be without you    

its been a while since ive last blogged. after the LAST car accident ive been pretty much idoling around. its not like i can do much activity =( for some reason, being in 2 accidents in the last 4 months makes me hurt more than the others. ive been sleeping at my parents a lot lately. not only to be grounded but for piece of mind. my mom left to cambodia last weekend :sigh: she is going to be gone for about a month. that means I have to take care of a sick grandmother, 16 year old brother, 6 year old nephew, and my dad. i didnt think id ever say this, BUT I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK! at least last night i got some alone time =) johnny came over and we made dinner... without my boyfriend i think id yank out all my hair and go insane!!! although we couldnt start the night till late (had to take care of the family first) it was a nice (hah most of it?)

as for my social life hah..... hopefully itll come back together... but im in no hurry. being home and in pain gave me lots of time to think. i just need to get back on my feet. as for issues of shit talking and hatred i dont have time for it. i mean im in my twenties now and i just feel that there is so much out there then dwelling on little petty things. i mean i can hear and/or read bad things said about me, but what difference should it be able to make. i am the way i am and i cant change the way people feel about me. so im saying it right now that im just MOVING ON FROM IT. the only thing is that I just dont get why it happens. if i dont do anything to upset anyone and i go out of my way to avoid things then why is there a problem. so obviously its not MY problem.

its really hard to be a people pleaser when you finally realize that you havent even made yourself happy.

jayme's 2 year anniversary is coming up tomorrow. i got a call from justin 2 days ago. it felt really good hearing from him. :i miss jayme: not in the sad way like before but in a new way. like i miss him so much and i wish i can just squeeze him and hug him.

things that i need to accomplish this week: 1) clean and REARRANGE my room 2) buy books and parking pass 3) get school supplies 4) get my little bro stuff done ... too lazy to think right now hah

until next time