| "....But here's what doesn't come out in the war against wrinkles and cellulite: women are as conflicted about aging as they are about other aspects of their lives. For example, when i was twenty and had streaked blonde hair, walking down pretty much any street was a nightmare. The incessnt yells of "Hey, Baby," and other more anatomically graphic remarks, the whistles and other simianlike sounds some men seem to spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting, all these infuriated me and kept me constantly on the defensive. Now that doesn't happen anymore-- and i love it. I can walk- no comments; I can job- no comments; I can walk along the beach- no leers. My eye bags and my "cellulite" are now my friends, my protectors, my armor, and I love them for that. At the same time, part of me will always want to sandpaper them off." ".....Then there's the love-hate relationship with the eye bag. No woman wants to look like George Shultz after a bad night, but a woman's facial lines are the story of her life. I got mine from pulling too many all-nighters in college, from smoking pot, from drinking tequila with my brother and champagne with my husband, from baking way too long in the sun, from putting in sixty-hour workweeks, from having a child unfamiliar with the concept of sleep, and, of course, from growing older. They've tracked my joys and sorrows, my failures and successes, and I'm supposed to want to chop them off so i can look like an empty vessel, a bimbette?" -WEAR THE GIRLS ARE Such an amazing book. Growing old: BRING IT ON! Life is such an amazing yet confusing concept. I'm doing the best i can to sort the negative out of my life and focus on the future and staying positive. I've finally admitted to myself that i'm unhappy with where my life's been going, and i'm doing something about it. It took a lot of guts out of me, but i won't be going back to school after this quarter. I'm trying to look at this past year as a learning experience rather than a failure. I realized what i don't want to do as a career, and that's one step closer to me finding what i truly should be doing to achieve ultimate happiness. In the mean time i'll be working full-time, searching for the right course for me. Hopefully i'll start up somewhere in the winter. I'm locked into a lease here in Chicago until May, who knows where i'll land after that. As of lately i'm really leaning towards home. Anywhere but here. The living situation i'm in consists of my brother and suge, both of which have girlfriends who stay over frequently. I feel very lonely falling asleep at night alone. I also question wether or not i have true friends here in Chicago. I've fallen into a deep deep hole of which i had never expected of me, and i want nothing more than to get out of it. So if that means escaping the bad that chicago has done to me and moving home, so be it. I may be a quitter, but i'm sure i'll be happier. Wish me luck, I have a lot to sort out. I miss you all, and love you too. keep in touch. |
