hello,

damn i'm updating late but atleast im trying to keep my word to one thing that i say to myself ..

and thats updating something everyday

i was in total shock yesterday when my boyfriends mom asked if i wanted to drive home .. because shes the type of person to be soo freakishly weird to have someone other then herself drive but of course i said yes to kind of make myself feel good about myself .. after my day turned out yesterday !

today was an okay day .. i shouldn't have eaten but we had this big meeting with one of the heads of the company and it was this everyone have lunch together type of thing since there were meetings going on all day so i mean i had no other choice .. then dinner ended up being mc donalds because there was massive traffic and it took long to get home .

eh not good but it wasnt that much only like a cheese burger and a soda .. i wasnt that hungry, which was weird but totally good.

since my boyfriends mom is going on a buisness trip for the whole weekend im fasting since noone will force me to eat or watch me since my boyfriend does his own thing along with his dad soo if i dont eat noone will notice [yay]

i get paid tommorrow !!!!

and other then that theres not much to say

iNTAKE as of 3/29/06

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

no update on food .. today

it was too bad!

comments pleaseeeeee ..  i love em [=

stay strong lovely's <3

hello,

well . . like i said yesterday when im able to sleep in a little later i can't, i woke up at the usual hour i do everyday for work which is 6am-but i could have slept untill atleast 7 due to me having my road test this morning at 9 but as always i wake up when im not suppose to.

o well atleast i have an early start, i think im leaving early anyway because i need to get gas in the car and i want to go get it washed before i have to take the test in it so i can actually see alot better .. since we had the snow stroms .. its been icky but visable.

better off having it more visable anyway so i dont fuck it up !

i met a new friend llast night and we decided to fast together hopefully it lasts, she gave me some advice for when i get hunger pains what to do and when she said it i made a weird face like okay i doubt that will work but it actually did

example;;

take a hot shower [it solved my problem]

i woke up and was like feeling hungry but could probably careless in the world if i did eat because it wasnt that bad then after a couple mins it started to kick in like i was pregnant ... i was like ohhhh man whyyy whyyy me ? .. soo i just went down and got my clothes and went right into the hot shower, and im hunger free now !

thanx too my new friend <3

intake;; tuesday - NOTHiNG

well i plan on it being nothing, we'll have to wait and see what happens, im suppose to drink up to 32 glasses of water but, im not like in the mood to do it or start it right now i think i'll start after i make 12 hours.

water;; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

EDiT;; 2:00PM

how was my day ?

HORRiBLE !

i had my road test today for my license and i failed ]=

i was fasting and doing great but ended up eating lunch

i came to work to do absolutly nothing untill late tonight

soo how do you think my day has been soo far ? not too shabby

i want to purge soo bad but since im at work i dont want anyone to walse in while im puking my guts up .. i feel soo sick now i was on hour 17 when i went to lunch i wanted to say no but there was no possible way to get out of it because i have no work soo there would be no reason to stay in the building, then people would be questioning me on why i didnt go to lunch and why i dont want to eat .. exspecially since i work with my boyfriends mom .. [ i also live with her to ] so its hard sometimes to just not eat .. because i get fucking tourtured to death till they find out the real reason .. ugh my life sucks horribly

" i won`t stop untill i reach PERFECTiON ! "

stay strong lovely's <3

hello,

soo technically today was the first official day of watching what i eat, exercise on the other hand hasn't taken place yet even though it needs to.

i watched a show called intervention last night and on it was a girl named annie and she had an eating disorder, anorexia more then bulimia because she didn't seem to eat at all .. nevermind binge and purge. she was soo skinny + beautiful i started to think to myself why oh why can't i look like that ? or have the confidence that she has everyday to just not eat anything at all ?

i guess i'll never know, she was about only 98lbs and it was amazing how she looked and how she took care of what she needed to do .. such as ballet and other types of dance. i was shocked how she could keep up the workouts and practices with nothing in her stomach .. but then again i think or take it that shes used to it already.

she knew she had a problem .. and decided to enter treatment for it, but it didnt seem to help .. she relasped .. and i dont blame her she knew this way for such a long time it must have been hard to do it any different !

if i had the will power and self control such as she, i would have probably chosen the same path " the wrong one " .. but its probably the mentality of wanting and needing the feeling of being thin and staying that way to feel good about yourself.

iNTAKE;; as of 3/27/06

Breakfast: 2 Hard Boiled Eggs [white's only]

                Some Baby Carrots

                Bottle Of Water

Snack:     String Cheese Yellow American

Lunch:     Tuna Fish in a Pita

                Some Fries

                2 Diet Cokes

                Bottle of Water

Dinner: Chicken Ceasar Wrap

            Diet Coke

EDiT;; 7:44PM

well, when i got home from work i ended up going right back out the door-but for a good reason; i went to the track with kristy and walked a mile wish i would have done more like atleast 2 but she had to be home early hopefully sooner or later i can just go even by myself maybe and bring my ipod and just walk but keep track of how much i walk .. because then i know if im there walking im burning cals .. and also staying as far away from food as i need to !

i want to be thin! ;; i need to be thin!

stay strong lovely's <3

hello,

the names eileen, im 19 and i weigh alot more then i should for only 5'2 .. i have a problem with food and i seriously need some major help . . i dont understand why i cant just stop eating or not eat when im not even hungry, i dont GET iT !

i need to find that self control that i once had to just stop eating for a period of time and only drink water .. or eat healthy to drop all the weight that disgusts not only me but everyone else in america.

all everyone thinks and cares about now is your personal apperance and if you dont have that " top model " factor then you dont have anything !

it makes me sick to my stomach to wake up everyday and have to look in the mirror and only see what makes me depressed all the damn time fat double chin, fat stomach, fat hips, fat ass, fat face, fat legs .. etc ..

all i want is to be perfect .. and perfect is what you may ask ?

well to me its to be THiN, SKiNNY, BONEY, WANTED

B E A U T i F U L !!!

will i ever be that ?

who know's

stay strong lovely's <3