| | This past year has made me think really hard about so much; life, death, family, careers, money, self habits, and the list goes on and on. There's so much to think about and plan, but so little time. Each path you take can lead you to a different road in life, with different obstacles. And the most important thing myself and all of you should remember is.. EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS HARD. There IS no easy way out. Unless you want to be poor and die soon. haha jk. But really, a lot has happened these past one or two years that were real eye openers. I've realized that subconsciously I have always tried to find the easy way out, and this semester has slapped me in the face and woken me up. Not that the classes are deathly hard, but to be back in study mode (or maybe even for the first time) is something I'm struggling to uphold. I regret to say.. starting from about 7th grade and all through high school, I started not to try or care to put in the slightest effort. Therefore, making a lot of the basic skills needed to study and interpret things slowly disintegrate. I've forgotten how to study!! Not completely, but it is difficult to get into the habit of reading everyday and trying to memorize what you've read. The human mind is like the human body; to maintain strength you must work it out! It's all about repetition. I'm not there yet.. but I am trying! And I will get there damnit!!!! I have to!!!!! I've been told that study habits will get easier over time. So far, I think I'm doing fairly well in school, as oppose to my most recent years. Deciding what to do in life as a profession is megf*ckinghard. To choose for passion? Or stability? For comfort? Or for money? There's so many things you can do.. and I just don't know where to start. And it all falls back to not trying in high school.. I don't know what I'm good at! Everything seems interesting to me, and I'm running out of time. Already in my second year of community college.. and there's no time to spare. Subconsciously I find myself going towards the sciences.. but I haven't really been exposed to the business world, which also seems interesting. In the back of my mind there has always been the thought of becoming a pharmacist. I've been encouraged by my aunt since junior year of high school.. repeatedly telling me, "It's a great job for women. It has a very flexible schedule which you can work around your children's agenda when you're older. You can work maybe 3-4 times a week and still make about 70 grand. I think you'd be really great at it" It does sound appealing.. but again I didn't really pay attention in chem during HS. And science majors seem so hard! SO again.. still back to square one. I am definitely going to try and figure this out soon though.. maybe by this year or next? LIFE IS SHORT. Recently, I've experienced a death of a close family friend "aunt". It's probably the closest I've come to a death in the family so far. She was a GREAT woman. Greater than most.. she was so caring, giving, selfless, and extremely generous. My mom knew her back when she was about 19, so you can imagine how close our families were. I used to be tight with her daughter. Dancing hula for 6 years with each other brought our families even closer. Although these past couple of years our families weren't as close, ever since I took a break from dancing, it was still a great shock. I still can't believe she's gone. R.I.P Aunty Anna. You are missed very much.
When you're little you think you're invincible. Sometimes people even my age or older think they are. Not believing that you'll get hit by a bus and not be injured.. but the subconscious feeling of "I'm young.. it'll never happen to me." Reality is it can or will. Time is flying quicker than it ever has in my life. Experiencing this recent transition (HS to college) has made me realize there are TONS of transitions one person experiences in life. Right now it seems like it'll only go downhill from here (or so I've heard from many older people). Going from the high school life: having little money that would support your after school meal or whatever, having an excessive amount of free time, attending lunchtime was all you had to do to see all of your friends, to the college life: having to pay for school (books and such.. which accumulates to hundreds of dollars), and having to make lunch dates with your best friends (the ones who are still around atleast) to even see them once after a couple of weeks, seems pretty shitty to me! Ok ok.. I'm not totally pessimistic or anything.. of course there ARE good things right now.. I'm JUST SAYING . Of course there are a tremendous amount of UPs we're going to encounter.. but during, in between, or after we're gonna experience (not in a specific order) --> college to "real life", building your OWN life as in career/money etc., marriage, finding a home (a real one you've actually bought with your own money) children, life w/o your children (starting their own transitions), menopause, retirement, becoming a grandparent and the list goes on! Yeah.. so I've realized I've rambled on quite a while with this entry.. half of you are probably either Xed this box or fell asleep haha. But it's just stuff that's been on my mind for a while now. Life is GREAT.. but scary at the same time. You never know how it's gonna turn out... ...and the journey continues! peace out!! |
