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| hey all! sorry its been a while. my grandma is better. she is driving herself around now. so..im babysitting... again..lol
its midnight. yeah...i know..pretty late. im also babysitting next friday and Saturday night till one in the morning..ugh.. well im glad she has the internet! anyways, not much going on still. but its kinda nice to not be so busy all the time. i cant wait till school starts! next week i also have this camp called colorgaurd camp. im in the marching band, and this year we are trying something new. we are adding flag twirlers! and i decided i should sign up since its my last year in high school and all. so we have this like four hour daily camp thing at school. im not so sure about it! i mean, they said its a lot of memorizing the dance moves and getting the flag twirling/throwing and catching down. cause we are going to go to competitions and stuff next year.. and i know nothing about flags...but i think it will be ok.
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| hey guys, just wanted to thank you for the comments about my grandma! She is still in the hospital, but i think she is going to be let out tomorrow. they did several tests and MRI's and scans. They concluded that she had a mini stroke, and they also discovered that there is some brain shrinkage.. im not really sure what that means though. im just glad she doesnt have cancer or anything! not much going on this week. been babysitting everyday.. but thats about it! just wanted to update you guys! thanks again!
love------------------------------------> ohh9baby! 
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| mkay. so... this week has been pretty hectic. been babysitting daily still. but on wed, my grandma called me and told me she fell on the floor. so i was only next door, but i had 2 kids to watch. one was sleeping, one was watching a movie upstairs, so i thought if i ran to my grandma's house, they would be fine. so i sprinted there, in flip flops, and found my grandma laying on the tile floor with her head in her closet. now my grandma is pretty heavy, and so i had to lift her up on her bed. but there was one problem. she couldnt move! some nerve in her back had errupted or something, and she couldnt move without screaming. she told me the pain was worse than childbirth. i didnt know what to do. and at that time, it had already been 10 mins. that i had left the kids alone next door. so i really wanted to get her on the bed, so i just had to lift her, regardless of the pain. i felt so bad! by default, i had called the kids i was babysitting mother to see if she had any ideas on what i should do. she was more concerned about the kids being left alone. she actually got mad at me for leaving them there. but one cant walk yet and the other has down-syndrome, so i thought it was best i left them there. and it wasnt like i was a mile away or anything! anyways, my mom was out of town so i coudnt call her for help, so i called my step-mom. her and my brother rushed down to my grandmas house. when i was let off of babysitting, i went back to grandmas house, to find that she really cant move, and she really is in a lot of pain. we ended up calling an ambulance to come get her, because there was no way we were going to move her. so we went to the hospital, and comforted her. the hospital was awful. they didnt seem to care that my grandma was in pain. we kept asking for water for her and stuff, and they never brought it. they gave her 6 shots. im pretty sure they over-dosed her. so my step mom and i went back to my grandmas house while she was still at the hospital so we could tidy up her house some. the hospital called us at 11:30 at night, and told us that grandma was ready to come home. we asked them if she could move or walk..they said no. and they expected us to take her home??!! crazy! it was just my step-mom and i. and the both of us could never carry her home. especially if she still cant move! we were so mad at the hospital! we just couldnt beleive they would send someone home if they are in the same condition that she came in with. so we took her home. she was in a lot of pain. all she could do was sleep! but today she was acting very confused and was throwing up and was just being very strange. so we took her to the hospital agian. they are going to do a cat scan on her head and stomach soon. they also admitted her to a room. they know for sure she has a major infection, but they arent sure where. so this is all weird for me. i just hope she gets better. if you are reading this, please pray for her! thank you so much! much love,,,
-----------------------------------------------------------------------> ohh9baby<3
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| OK,, SO TODAY HAS BEEN.......a train wreck been babysitting since...11:30 or so. it is now 5 o clock. the kids are being horrible for me! they arent listening at all, and then it makes me look like the bad girl
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| ok. why am i sooo freaking desperate???? im tired of it! all of it! if a guy has a heartbeat, i go out with him. if he calls i freaking get my heart racing. if anything happens dealing with a guy i get flustered. im f****** sick of it! i wish i wasnt so d*** desperate. its just me. i just always fall head over heals for someone i cant have and it just drives me nuts! i guess i just dont understand. or something. i wish i would just treat guys like i do girls, and there wouldnt be a problem. no awkward moments. and nothing embarassing. no more trying to start a converstion. nothing like that. i just need to learn,,that i can do wayy better than that. way better than my past relationships. i need to start fresh. i need to throw out my regrets because they are done. i cant change them. so why waste my time worrying? about the past? sounds kinda stupid to me. but i always find myself thinking of past events. replaying them in my mind like i was there again. its useless. i can assure you that they arent thinking about me right now. or anytime! they dont give a s***. about me at all. so why should i?? im going to be a f****** senior! i deserve none but the best. im on top. the cream of the crop. so why should i get all worked up about nothing?? you tell me. the past is the past. and i hope to keep it there. i really really do. thats what i want for myself. i want to just stop spending all my time remembering, and start spending my time doing. creating new memories, with new people. and if i have to hold out for that person, then so be it. i will wait for that person if it means better memories and no regrets. thats all i have to say.
sorry.. im just a little bit upset with myself right now.
anyways...,,,
love-----------> ohh9baby
    hopefully i will go from that....to.....   to this. soon.
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