| | ok. why am i sooo freaking desperate???? im tired of it! all of it! if a guy has a heartbeat, i go out with him. if he calls i freaking get my heart racing. if anything happens dealing with a guy i get flustered. im f****** sick of it! i wish i wasnt so d*** desperate. its just me. i just always fall head over heals for someone i cant have and it just drives me nuts! i guess i just dont understand. or something. i wish i would just treat guys like i do girls, and there wouldnt be a problem. no awkward moments. and nothing embarassing. no more trying to start a converstion. nothing like that. i just need to learn,,that i can do wayy better than that. way better than my past relationships. i need to start fresh. i need to throw out my regrets because they are done. i cant change them. so why waste my time worrying? about the past? sounds kinda stupid to me. but i always find myself thinking of past events. replaying them in my mind like i was there again. its useless. i can assure you that they arent thinking about me right now. or anytime! they dont give a s***. about me at all. so why should i?? im going to be a f****** senior! i deserve none but the best. im on top. the cream of the crop. so why should i get all worked up about nothing?? you tell me. the past is the past. and i hope to keep it there. i really really do. thats what i want for myself. i want to just stop spending all my time remembering, and start spending my time doing. creating new memories, with new people. and if i have to hold out for that person, then so be it. i will wait for that person if it means better memories and no regrets. thats all i have to say.
sorry.. im just a little bit upset with myself right now.
anyways...,,,
love-----------> ohh9baby
    hopefully i will go from that....to.....     to this. soon.
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| | Posted 7/5/2008 2:54 PM - 6 views - 1 comments
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