newww

my pet.

 my life's a mess.
i needed a pet.

hehe. look >

<|3

i'm hurting. my best friends are changing, and leaving. they're arent the same. i dont know if its just me. but thats how i feel. i feel abandoned. if it werent for courtnee alexis. id probably be 10x more depressed. she's the only friend that hasnt changed towards me. i hope theres more to come. i dont know.

just some thoughts.

Have you ever broke up with someone, even though you still love them, just because you think it had to be done? And even though you still love them, you just dont want to be in a relationship anymore because you're afraid of getting hurt again? And no matter how hard you try explaining that to him, he just doesnt understand? And he starts thinking all this profound stuff like that you think hes not worth it anymore, or something like that? Thats exactly how i feel now. i guess i just dont wanna be in a relationship anymore and he just doesnt understand it. he thinks its because i dont love him anymore, or that i dont care. but what he doesnt realize that by doing that, its pushing me even farther away. can i say im totally done with him? i cant answer that either. but i do know that all i want is to be single. no relationships. no broken heart. just myself. in the future? i dont know. im not in the future. i dont know what will happen. sometimes i think he thinks this is a game to me. i think he really thinks i enjoy hurting him. but the thing he fails to think about is the fact that it hurts me too. and it sucks because i know hes hurt. i know i hurt him a lot. but pain is inevitable. am i proud? no, not at all. but some of the things that happened between us were just.. painful to me too. its not a one person situation here. we're both hurting.

well, here's a quote, i love it, its so true.
Don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened.

okay, so

wow, a lot has changed since i last updated. i'm newly single. [my choice] and im not gunna go into detail because even though it was my choice its still hard and it does take a lot of courage. and i know people don't think that way but look at it this way. its a lot harder to break up with someone seeing your prents go through a lot of shit because  your mom doesnt love our dad anymore. and it takes a lot of courage to try to do something to make yourself happier too. and thats not being selfish. its being smart. you really cant be with someone to make htem happy if your not happy. just like you cant trust smoeone if they dont  trust you. or be friends with them if they're not friends with you. so it really does make sense. but hey, im just taking day by day as it comes. trying to work things out with everyone that ive hurt. which, lemme tell you, is a lot of people. but you know, at least im trying.

peace &&* love
Randi.