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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Xanga looks so foreign now. The only reason I came back on was cuz I want to keep my old blogs...at least for now. LOL. I want to read those suckers and re-live my dirty past. J/k about the dirty part.

Later.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Eh. Random. I just feel like typing...

You, my friend, were the one who was all trippin that things would be hella different after a while. You said I'd hate you and that I wouldn't talk to you anymore. When I try to talk to you like we did before...you give me nothing. We used to hella talk... We'd talk about anything. And now...conversations suck...that is...if they actually happen. I try to make things cool, but you gotta put in, too. It can't be me starting things all the time. It shouldn't be like that at all. I try to bring up a random topic to talk about and it doesn't get very far. You talk a little, and then you question why I want to talk about it and you won't stop until I give you a reason. Why can't we just...talk? I guess I'm gradually slipping out of your life. Kinda makes me feel like I'm nothing. I like to think that I had some sort of impact on you... You poke fun at my attempts to make others feel like they fit in. Tell me, where would you be if I never started talking to you? I can picture you quietly sitting alone. Head down. Earbuds in. Eventually you would talk to people...but I think it would have taken longer. Where would I be if I never met you? I'd probably be fine, not worrying about hanging on to one more friend. But of course, I had to say "hello."

I wonder why you get hurt when I don't pay full attention to you. You want my attention? Give me yours.

I guess it's out of sight out of mind. Maybe you've pushed me to the side thinking that I'll always be there...
Please don't get the idea that you can always come to me when you want something...it won't always work if I get nothing in return...

But knowing how I am...I'll probably give in.

Whatever. I don't know what to do with you. I leave it in your hands now.

Monday, April 23, 2007

I think I'm getting homesick. Err I just miss my friends. I blame PCN. Withdrawals. I feel so lonely now. Haha. I went to BJ's with Sharyl, Catherine & Ron the other night. Hella good. Tell my why it was hella funny though. 3 waiters. 2 pizookies. Extra whipped cream, cherries & ice cream. Plus Sharyl hitting her head on Catherine's glass of water.

I keep living like I'm baller status. I'm really broke. Hah. I need to pay my credit card bill. Minimum. Bleh.

I'm so bipolar. Ha not really. But it's like the time after shedding the lining of my uterus is the time for me to bitch. My apologies. Hah. I was wondering why I wasn't all ass-hole status last week...then I sat down and just realized that I'm all bleh right now. Hah. Nice, right? Sooo once again I'm un-motivated to do things.

Whatever.

I'm being a block. Ha. And this is where my bitch truly says hello...but only to two people. ...it's my room, too. Fuckers.

You know what makes me mad? I get mad when my sister gets all bitch status at me in the morning. She gets all angry when I don't get up because she wants to get up. Eh that's kinda hard to understand. So my alarm clock went off at 7 this morning. I stayed in bed until 7:20 cuz that's usually what I do...I started to get out of bed & my sister jumps out and runs to the bathroom. She pees and whatever...but by the time she's done I'm here...checking the weather on my laptop. Then she starts getting mad at me...asking if I'm going to take a shower cuz she'd like to take one too. I said yes...and took my shower...got ready and everything. While I was getting ready she took a shower & left. Her class isn't that early. Ok, fine. Her wanting to get ready early isn't really what makes me mad. What makes me mad is how she bitches at me...when I really have some place to go...and in reality all she's getting ready to do is have josh come over. Bitch.

Sooooooo. I'm over it. I'm done with that. And the thing from yesterday.

Oh. So someone is confusing. I say fuck you for hurting my head. :]

Good girl time. I miss my dogs. They're both menstrual. That's precious...right?

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Hi hello. My head hurts. =[

So. Kinda frustrated.

Sometimes I feel like you always take your anger out on me. You always ask me to do things for you. Sometimes you tell me to do them. Tell my why you got so frustrated that I didn't put the damn toilet paper in the bathroom right after you told me to? It wasn't going anywhere and nobody was going to see it. Ok. Lame thing to bitch about. But seriously...why does it seem like I always let you get away with things? When I want to do things my way you get mad. Like over the weekends when I'm in Newark...we never agreed that my bed would suddenly turn into the place where you throw all of your belongings. But when I get back San Jose I don't go crazy or anything. I simply start putting your things on to your bed and you get mad at me. You don't take care of your things...so they don't work anymore. I let you use my things. Your laptop was acting up. You never told mom or asked to get it fixed. I let you use my laptop...and sometimes you would use it when I needed to. Your phone is fucked up right now. I let you use my phone. I share my things with you, but I barely use your things because you get mad. It's always "WTF. You use that more than I do...and it's mine." I've never said that to you. Never. It's great when you tell me to bring things to you. You make me bring your damn backpack that's hella heavy. You make me bring you your laptop. You make me go out of my way to get you something. I asked you to take my money home & put it in the bill envelope but you couldn't do it. Oh, that's right. Bringing something like money to a place that you're already going is so much harder to do than all the shit I've done for you. Seriously my head is pounding.

Right now my favorite is how you were bitching at me while I was asleep this morning. Ok. So your laptop isn't working again...or so you say. Maybe it would work if you stopped stressing and took some time to fix things around. Instead you decided to bitch at me cuz my laptop wasn't on. Oh. I loved how you stomped off and slammed the bedroom door. Loved it.

...and you wonder why we don't have a close sister relationship.

Maybe things would be different if you thanked me once in a while. What if we both had each others backs? Things would be better if you did a favor for me without me having to beg and bitch about it.

I'm done. I'm going to wait for mom to come over so I can do another damn favor for you.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Wow. It's been ages since I've updated. Last update was like...the beginning of the semester. Now it's pretty much the end.

Yea. So...

October was a rough month. Pua got sick. Whole story? K. I guess I'll put as much as I know down... Might make me sad...but whatever. So...one weekend manang and I were home. Things seemed normal...kinda. Mom said Pua wasn't eating and she was being really down and stuff. They just assumed that she was all depressed because my dad had gone back to Texas. Saturday night I had Pua on my bed as usual...it felt like she really missed sleeping on my bed. Sunday morning she started throwing up like crazy. I was super worried parent status. We called Pua's vet and they were fully booked for that day...so we ended up having to take her to the emergency vet. We found out that Pua had lost weight, she was dehydrated and they wanted to run some tests on her. My mom decided to hold off on the tests because if we had gone through with that then the bill would have been extremely high. So that vet gave Pua some liquids and stuff to get her through the night. Monday morning my mom brought Pua to her regular vet & they ended up keeping her over night cuz the test results would not be ready until the next day. They also told us that Pua's kidney may be failing...and if that was the case then there was nothing that could be done. Pua stayed in the hospital for about four-five days. We were going to put her to sleep because she was dealing with chronic kidney failure. Pua's case was very rare. Older dogs' kidneys fail. Not 3 year old dogs. =[ The vet said Pua had a urinary tract infection...and she was one of the very few who's infection traveled to the kidney. So yea. Everyone here in Newark was brought down by Pua's condition. My dad was losing sleep in Texas. Anyways. Pua came home. We hoped that her being home would pick up her spirits...make things a little easier for her since she's with family. We also had some antibiotics, liquids & some other medicine to give Pua to keep her going so that dad could say bye to her. Pua was such a fighter. We didn't put her to sleep. She appeared to be normal when she was home. She was running and playing like before. She even started barking normally. We all got really excited when she was able to hold down some food and water. Unfortunately Pua would would get really depressed once Manang and I were back in San Jose. We could all tell she wasn't ready to leave us.

I went back home on October 28 with my mind as ready as possible to hear bad news. My mom had already told me that Pua was really lethargic. We didn't expect her to make it through the night, so I took her collar and said my goodbyes. Sunday morning I was too scared to go downstairs...but when I did I saw that Pua was still breathing. It made me so mad that she was alive. I was mad that she wouldn't give up. I knew she was hurting...and it was hurting me to sit there and watch her struggle with every breath. I couldn't take it so I came upstairs to my room and just listened to music. I sat here reflecting on the couple of years that I had Pua. Honestly, she was my best friend. I loved going home and being greeted by the jingling of her name tag. I loved the way she would know I was sad and she would come over to me and just stay there. I fell in love with my dog.

By the time I had gone back downstairs Pua had just passed. Mama Muks was asking Manang for a napkin to close Pua's eyes.

Ninong came over to help bury Pua. After she was buried he brought out Fiona...a French Bulldog. Of course she made me laugh and smile...I'm a dog lover. Plus Fiona snorts. How can you not laugh at that? Apparently Ninong and Ninang thought I would want Fiona...so they freaking gave her to me. Just hours after my baby had passed away and I was given a new dog. I wasn't ready for it so after they said Fiona was mine I straight up said "I don't want her. I want a Jack Russell." Then I went upstairs and cried my ass off. That made me so mad. I told my mom and she said that we were going to keep Fiona because if we didn't then she would have been put to sleep. At times I'm ok with Fiona who is now called Porky... I don't really like her. I think she's really ugly and stupid. Sure, I'm probably just being mean...but it's not easy going from a dog like Pua to a dog like Porky. Pua and I were perfect for each other. Porky shits on my bed. Really. What the hell is that?

It's been over a month since Pua's death and I still cry. I'm crying now. Thanks. Whatever.

So. Switching to happy mode. Akbayan's Winter formal was on Friday...December 1. Mr Archie was the date...along with Tupac, Zoolander, Catherine's dad & every other guy who was wearing gold & black. Haha. It started off too slow for me. But the two hours of dancing was cool. Archie was drunk. LOL. Mr Drunkeoni. It's ok. He's weird. :] Anyways it was fun. I had my dress for like over a month. MAC did my eyes. LOL. I missed my appointment and was super stressed but they did a free eye demo which made me super happy. So yes. My night was fabulous. I wish Sharyl would have gone...but it was still fun.

Anyways. My head hurts. I need to do laundry. I'm hungry. And I'm cold. Sooo. Later days.