wake up in the morning, to find out you are not who you used to be. you dont recognize the behavior or the spelling of your name & the shape this is in the mirror. well you'd swear it is not the same

kiss me on the forehead, angel, before i go to sleep. i cant remember if its thursday or december. ive been keeping track of days by counting hangovers & bottles on the floor. my mangled memory is making me mistake misfortune for forgiveness. i dont think ill make it out alive. so promise me that you'll survive to bury me. just empty all the alcohol & chronicle the chemicals, but dont forget the cigarettes. remember every ember. alright, i admit that the past few months were broken & abused. now im used to the bleeding & unspoken words that kept me so confused. maybe we can get past these addictions, but the bodies piling up are a whole other story unless your stomachs strong enough. hell, maybe we can just pretend that this recovery wont depend on moderation. & in the end, the same routine wont leave me dead. just empty all the alcohol, or baby, we're dead. tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide with kisses laced with cyanide & one last look through blood shot eyes. i guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.

Today, as I heard the glass cracking The fiberglass smashing, and the tires screeching I was almost too scared to look to see if you were ok. In that moment, it hit me. How much your love means to me. And it scared me to think, that in that one second... It could have all been over.

I hope the worst isn't over, I hope you blink before I do. And I hope I never get sober. And I hope when you think of me years down the line, you can’t find one good thing to say. And I hope that if I found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way.

Her eyes screamed the saddest apology the world had ever heard. but he wasnt listening..

 Well I'm still waiting for the world to come crashing down again. And I'm still waiting for someone to call me up and tell me you're dead.

And I guess I just hoped that I could be yours. But I always knew deep down that I didn’t have a chance. your lips scream friendship but your eyes scream romance

Yesterday you asked me why I was crying, and I told you I didn't know. But it was a lie. The truth is, you were holding her to keep her warm, while I was freezing deep down inside.

I haven't updated in a long time. Sorry, I just haven't felt like it or had the time to.

This one boy has ruined my life.

And I don't want to do anything anymore.

So, sorry.

This is may be last entry.

Knowing that something will never happen doesn't make you want it any less.

People ask me what I want to do when I'm older and I say "I don't know," because they would call me crazy if I said I wanted to spend my life with you.

Look into my eyes. I'll be your winter coat, buttoned and zipped straight to the throat, with the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

You tell yourself over and over again that it isn't worth it-
That it could never last. That the friendship would be ruined.
But everytime he calls you, you wonder if this will finally be
The phone call when he says what you want him to.
And everytime you look into his eyes, you're gone again.

And now everytime someone ruffles your hair or asks you to dance, everytime the full moon is out and everytime the sun paints the sky, he'll be all that's on your mind.

Laugh until your body aches, cry until you start to shake.
Live like the world is yours to take, love as though your heart won't break.

I make a lot of mistakes, but with you, they're beautiful.

I'll never be perfect, but you make me want to be.

Things will happen in your life that you can't stop. But that's no reason to shut out the world. -Now and Then

Sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't, because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid. So, if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking, so we'll never be able to get the chance to make things right again. -Gilmore Girls

Love isn't easy; it's damn hard. It makes you go through things that you hoped you would never have to. But the marvelous thing about love is that it's always worth it in the end.

Some people make the world special just by being in it.

You made my life like a storybook, and I'm dying to know what's on the next page.

We danced until the lights went down, until the night was through; until your fingers were laced in mine and I was holding you.

You're not even mine and I'm scared to lose you.

Life Is Like Photography:
You Use The Negatives To Develop.

There's something about your hand on my neck that gives me chills and makes the hair there raise, and I can't help but wonder if that's why you do it.

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
Maybe graditude as nothing to do with joy.  Maybe being grateful means reconizing what you have for what it is.  Appreciating small victories.  Admiring the stuggle it takes simply to be human.  Maybe we're thankful for the fimiliar things we know. & maybe we're thankful for the things we will never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we will have the courage to still be standing is enough reason to celebrate.

painted skies
i've seen so many that cannot compare
to your ocean eyes
the pictures you took
that cover your room
and it was just like the sun
but more like the moon

I've never been scared of death. I'm only scared of living a life without you.

Girls wear lipgloss on their lips; guys wear everything we need to hear.

Every story has a soundtrack, and I'm just asking for your heartbeat to set the tempo.

I'd rather argue with you
than kiss someone else.

There’s nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone
and I wash the windows outside in hopes that
the glare will bring you around.

And the skin you call your home
Holds a heart that quits and knees that buckle in
And lungs that can't breathe when they're alone

I don’t mind waiting if it takes a long, long time
and I don’t mind wasting the best years of our lives
and I don't mind racing through our goodbyes.

I felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east
And thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees
And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind
Give love to make more, try to stay alive

Your tears are only alibis to prove you still feel sorry for yourself.

The flowers you gave me are rotting;
and still I refuse to throw them away.
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so i'm waiting and staying awake.
Things I have loved i'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep.

whether it's your eyes in the dusk
or your hair in the moonlight,
all I can see is stars and all
I can feel is your heartbeat.

The heat is chasing off all your friends
And their scattered bodies part to the shore again.
And I feel nothing, not sane.
It’s a hard day for dreaming again

and during the moments like in the movies, when the fireworks are going off over the bridge, why don't you just reach over and grab my hand? why don't you lean in and kiss me?

"Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs.
I wonder how they feel tonight."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I can't listen to my favorite songs anymore
because each drum beat is a massacre
each keystroke is a regret
and each chord is a memory of you.

you are what you love;
and not what loves you back
and that's why I'm at your doorstep
pleading for you to take me back.

i'm a modern girl but i fold in half so easily.

It's amazing what one person can do. Some people build you up just to bend and break you. Some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed. All throughout life we meet people and every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. We come across people that will hurt us so incredibly much that it seems impossible to go on with our lives, but the truth is we can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough. If we have faith in ourselves and who we are. The most important thing in life is to find yourself, know who you are at all times, and stand by that for the rest of your life. No one has the right to tell you who you are or try to control your life because it's yours. Your life is meant to be lived by no one else but yourself. We sometimes let people get the best of us, destroy us, and change our opinions on what we believe is true. Only you can know what's right for yourself. You have the power, you make the choices, and you learn. Each experience we go through in life is a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes, why is that so hard for some to understand? No one should be judged by the mistakes they have made. It's past news. Everything happens for a reason and without hard times, how would we ever realize our true strength? It's only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with and deal with before we eventually break.

I want someone to fall in love with the way I laugh and fall in love with my smile. I want someone to listen to the ramblings of my inner child. Someone who touches my face and brushes the hair from my eyes. I want someone who loves me or at least holds me like they do. But I only want that if it's you.

There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.

The thing that hurts the most is pretending that it doesn't.

and airplanes they always leave the ground
with confidence in safely coming down, unlike us,
we crashed and can't be found.

whistle, baby, while we walk.
don't say anything. do not talk.
the journey is over. it's time to exhale.
wherever we were going,
we're already there.

Nothing you love is lost... not really. Things, people-- they always go away, sooner or later. You can't hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they've touched you, if they're inside you, then they're still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart.

Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't expect someone to read your mind,and don't play games with heads or hearts. Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better then lies. Don't be cold to someone you care about - indifference hurts more then angry words.

And I lay down on the top of a cliff,
confessed my sins into the wind.

driving home the sky accelerates
the clouds all form geometric shapes
it goes fast, you think of the past
and suddenly, everything has changed.

Here's a black top road with a faded yellow center line. It can take you back to the place but it can't take you back in time.

The bad thing about a girl with a broken heart is she starts
to hand out the pieces of her heart to anyone who comes around.

i've tried to burn your picture
to throw away your lies, but all i
end up doing is burning my hands
and digging through the trash.

your life is like a drawn out tv show.
all of your friends are at home on their couches,
talking to their technicolor screens.
"tell him you love him."

All my life I thought I needed the perfect setting, the perfect opportunity, & the perfect way to tell someone I loved them, but suddenly I realized I don't need any of that because I know it will be perfect as long as I'm saying it to you.

All my life I thought I needed the perfect setting, the perfect opportunity, & the perfect way to tell someone I loved them, but suddenly I realized I don't need any of that because I know it will be perfect as long as I'm saying it to you.

"Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood."
-Donnie Darko

Take me to that summer past
And tell me is it really worth remembering?
I realize that music then
Was really just a song inside my head
And though the fun has past
Those mythic dreams are meant to last.

All the good that won't come out of me,
and all the stupid lies I hide behind.
It's such a big mistake
lying here in your warm embrace.

Hop the wooden fence, run past the sleeping hens
If you had any sense, you'd meet me here at dawn.

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like."
-Garden State

Paperback scrawl your hidden poems
Written around the dried out flowers
Here we are still trading places
To try to hold on

We look for love because it's the closest thing we have to magic.

Crisp leaves, coffee shops, and long, plaid scarves
Autumn winds, photographs, and starry nights
Our hands laced together & you squeezing me tight
I can't remember a Fall ever feeling so right.

So set up your camera and wait for the light
Fine tune the settings and hold me tight
Wind up the film and focus the lens
Give me a kiss & pretend we're just friends.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I remember it as though it were yesterday, the vacant frost thawing to bunches of celestial green, spring warm air lingering too long above the ancient brick structures, we’d slide beneath the skyline of leaves, life, clasped hands paying no mind to the blistering butter-melt sun. She sang a little louder then, eyes closed, skipping fast through unforgiving highway forests and down the slopes of yesterday, it brought us back to this shallow empty clearing, contempt to remember things ordinarily not in our sleepy minds. Never mind our sticky anticipating jaws, itching for love and the zest of cover-up orange peels, we’d made it, we’d found this place you read about sometimes, this true place we’d never wanted to leave, this place where (at the time) we could swear we’d give anything for; naiveté can drown us sometimes, even the best of us. There was a time when our afternoons, lazy, sun-bleached mess of melting days, were all I lived for, those out of place rain-on-asphalt, billows of sweet smoke home inside ourselves days, that was all I was. It was all we needed, too. The exhilaration of running from one home back to the next dried out chemical taste still in my mouth and I counted down, sixty-two, sixty-one, only sixty more days until I’m home but what I never realized was that I was home all along. The inevitable consequence of finding a love greater than ourselves is that it simply cannot last…so it goes.

Love has nothing to do with what you're expecting to get.
It's what you're expecting to give- which is everything.

Love is like a thunderstorm; it goes against everything around it, terrifies people, and cleanses the earth.

She looked at the world through a camera lens and at her heart through shallow, sunken eyes.

I wish I could watch a movie or listen to a song without thinking about you. Walking through the bookstore has become a chore because each title, each cover, each beautiful word sends images of you into my mind. I can't even close my eyes without you being there, but imagining you just isn't enough. I want you to be by my side so that each time I'm reminded of you, I can look over my shoulder and be reminded all over again.

I laugh at all of the girls who talk about how gorgeous he is; not because they're wrong, but because they don't know how right they are. They can't possibly know how breathtaking it is to take a look at his soul.

She read the entire dictionary and she couldn't find a single word to describe the way she felt.

and even fancy things
have finally lost their charm
wine and diamond rings
they never get you anymore
you're sleeping again
alone, cause nobody loves you.

"If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal."
-John Lennon

Your smile is a midnight kiss, a summer storm, and a shooting star all contained between two soft lips.

In my dreams
I see you asleep on a twin bed
The covers pulled up over your head
Am I asleep or awake?

Appreciate every time you're in his arms because you never know when they won't be there to hold you.

There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.

The thing that hurts the most is pretending that it doesn't.

want my advice? stay mad as
long as you can.because once
youre not mad anymore, it hurts.
it hurts like hell
& once it hurts that bad
you cant make yourself mad anymore

The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth.

cup your mouth to compress the sound,
skinny dipping with the kids from a nearby town.
and everything that i said was true,
as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.

keep me in suspense
and tell me what it meant.
the anxious air between you and me
look me in the eyes
and tell me what it meant
just before we both let it go

It's all of the good that won't come out of me
And how eventually my mouth will just turn to dust
If I don't tell you quick

comment.
i'll add more later.

Am I just another scene from a movie
that you've seen 100 times?
Cause baby you weren't the first
or the last or the worst.
and I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
and we could sit around and cry but frankly
You're not worth it, anymore.

I thought I could live in your arms,
and spend every moment I had with you.
Stay up all night with the stars.
Confess all the faith I had in you.
Too late, I'm sure and lonely.
Another night, another dream wasted on you.
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
but you won't stop crying.
This anniversary may never be the same,
inside I hope you know I’m dying.
With my heart beside me
in shattered pieces that may never be replaced.
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same.

I was losing myself to somebody else,
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend.
So this is the end of you and me.
Cause the girl that you want,
she was tearing us apart.
Cause she's everything,
Everything I'm not.

If you'd just let go,
If you'd let your heart go
take me past the color of your eyes
Take me from the past of all my mistakes
to where the future lies.
I know that my moods were changing like the weather,
Do you ever dream of us together?
Now I just want to show you who I am.
Holding on to dreams we collide
We had our futures, our reasons,
Our fingers on the trigger.
When we base our joy on the things that we see,
we lose the trust in it all and the faith we believe.

I hope you choke on every word you spoke
when you were screaming at me.
And realize how many times I've tried,
but that's wishful thinking.
All I want is an apology for what you did
and how you treated me.
Get me far away or as least as far as this car will take me.

You're so beautiful
did you hear a word I said?
You're so beautiful
I guess this is what I get.

And I can still feel you as if you were in the room
where does our story end, where does it start?
I buried you along with my heart.

Leave a message on your phone,
just to find out you're not home.
Keeping up with you is
something I could never do
and I know something's wrong,
cause you've been gone too long.
A fucking waste of my time
is all that you've become.

So I guess I'll cut my losses cause I lost a lot.
I guess I'll quit complaining and I'll start walking it off.
Because there is no point in living
in a past with that unhappiness.
Consider it a promise we both broke,
consider it a mistake on both our parts.

Before you take me home,
there's just a few things
I wanted you to know.
Take a deep breath, it's been an hour.
And we've been walking
for a million miles tonight.
Don't fight the things
I know you want to say to me.
So please,
don't make it harder than it has to be.

And if I knew that you were leaving,
I wouldn't have stayed so long.
I would have left so long ago.
And if there really still was something
left to say to you,
you'd realize just what is true.
How you made me blame you
for everything you do.
Cause it can't be all my fault,
it still takes two
to break apart the truth.
I learn, I still learn
every single day.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

Cause I'm fighting like hell for you,
and I don't plan on giving up.
All I want is for me and you to be the way we were.

I'm in a car underwater with time to kill.
thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn't care that you left and abandoned me.
What hurts more is I would still die for you.

I love you more than anyone else in the whole world.
And you don't even have a clue. No one does.
My world is such a mess without you.
Nothing makes sense.
I wonder if I'm going to feel this way forever.
It seems like eternity already
and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
All I can do is sit here and wonder,
wonder how you can break my heart in two
but at the same time, be the only reason
why I'm still here.

Search your cell for something
From which you can hang yourself
They say you need to pray
If you want to go to Heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
When your whole life has gone to Hell

but love, i've come to understand,
is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.
love is sustained by action,
a pattern of devotion in the things we do
for each other everyday.

you could say we're creative in our love.
i say god looks down and laughs from above
cause people dont understand why we act the way we do.
but i could care less, who says i really want them to?

august
something in your eyes
or was it that July
told me not to take it to heart
someday we'll meet beyond the stars
and it will be away from here
someday we'll meet beyond the limits of who we are
and it will be away from here

I've got some problems
but we've got 10 dollars
that's enough to get us wasted before the night is over
These past five days I've been completely sober
But tonight I'm getting ripped wide open

and it all seems so far...
call me and tell me you miss me where you are

your like a fiery rain
that i'm praying will never stop falling

i just might be the pleasant dream that
will haunt you for all time
sometimes peaceful and serene;
sometimes just tearing at your mind
i might be that scent of perfume
on the pillow where i used to lay...
i just might be the best damn thing, you ever threw away

theres always another wound to discover
theres always something more you wish he'd say

it's so frustrating to try to explain
i wish you could just know
exactly how i feel about you

we won't be together
no matter how hard i dream it
i might as well just wake up and face it
there's no such thing as perfection

i'm falling apart
as you are falling into place

to think i might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry

the miles of air and road and land that
separate me from all my plans, we're having fun
but something tells me i miss someone...

i am missing your voice at night time
this seperation seems a sad crime

the cracks in the concrete are just reminders
that you'll fall apart
no matter how strong you are

you don't talk to me for two whole months...
and then suddenly decide to walk back into my life
you want to pick things up where they left off
but darling, my heart was just begining to heal
now all of those things i used to feel...
come crashing back into me all at once

you exposed the vunerable side of me
and then left me feeling a little empty

sometimes i wonder what you would say
if for once, i told you not to go

since we're being brutally honest here
you were the worst mistake i've ever
had the pleasure of making