| | what the hell happened. one day i had ambitions, now when i look around, where i'm at, i just don't get it. it was like i had everything going for me and i stopped it all. to go back to "i don't know." makes me think there's something wrong with me. of course i think that everyday, nothing too obscene of course:: i just feel lost in myself. i'm not sure if anyone knows what i feel like especially since i cannot describe it. ( it... ) what is it?? who knows. i've sort of slumped into a serious funk. and who wouldn't want to blame that on certain dependencies of sorts that i have. tempting, true. to stop blaming would be a start. i think most things aren't my fault, but that must be denial. since most of the time we do things to ourselves, but never recognize. i don't intentionally try to write and make it sound depressing, it only comes out in that narcissistic cynical way of hatred.. well, i wouldn't go that far but it's understood. i hide from myself; in turn being hidden from the world. even if we shouldn't love the world it wouldn't hurt to be a part of it. i'm finally starting college this year, if anyone hasn't heard, but already i'm having doubts. because once again, the end is too far from my sight. i'm just not seeing the point in it. mostly because i'm afraid there's nothing out there for me. i hate people, but i love people. there's just such a vast spectrum for how a human can be. i am a people person, yet i have shyed myself into this... place. not too sure what i'm talking about. but fear has taken over me. well i shouldn't be too scared of hurting anyone, i feel like i've already done that to everyone in some sort of asshole way. because i don't think before i speak, think before i do things.. are these consequences or fate. the latter. and again no one is perfect. people can change. it's all in your head. where is my mind. i must not be honest with myself or something. because i don't know what the hell happened. |
| | Posted 6/5/2007 11:27 AM - 56 views - 6 comments
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] ...etc, --sadly, I haven't done as much as I should to fulfill them. Upon reflection, maybe I would have been more successful, if I had formulated a sound plan. One that is reasonable to attain. One that describes the goal with specific details, so that having something concrete will give me a better idea of what exactly is the change that I wish to make. The 'how' part will come easier once the goal is clearly defined. Recognize and reward progress as one achieves milestones. Hopefully, this will help getting the right motivation to stay committed.
