I love this guy, but he is not by my side anymore... I loved him... I..... really loved him. He's not in..... this world now... My age is twenty two. I have a friend who grew up with me for 20 years `nd also a boyfriend. His name is Jun Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last winter when he went to a trip from a club. Before that winter was over, I took a big step `nd confessed my love for him. `nd soon, we became a pair of lovers. But he `nd I loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one `nd to him I was just another person.

Me: Jin, Do you want to go watch a movie

Him: I can't.

Me: Why? You need to study at home?

Him: No. I'm going to a meeting.

Me: A meeting? Again?

Him: Yeah. It's alright right?

Me: Oh.... yeah.

He was always like that. He met different girls in front of me like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word "love" came out, but only from my mouth. He never said that he loves me. To us, there weren't any anniversaries. He never said anything starting from the first day `nd it continued for..... 100 days..... 200 days. He just handed me a little doll everyday before we say "goodbye" for a pity. One day when we were saying goodbye:

Me: Um.. Jin....

Him: What? Don't Drag, just say it.

Me: I... love.. you

Him: .....you.... umm just take this `nd go in.

That's how he ignored my confession `nd handed me the doll. Then he disappeared like he was running away. The dolls I recieved from him everyday filled my room one by one. Another day came it was 22th birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him `nd stranded myself in a room, waiting for his call. But... lunch passed, dinner passed, `nd until the sky was dark, he still didn't call. I was already tired to look at the phone. Around 2AM he called me `nd told me to come out of the house. I felt joy come over me `nd ran outside.

Me: Jin...

Him : Here...

He again handed me a little doll.

Me: What's this?

Him : I didn't give you one today so I'm giving it to you now. I'm leaving..

Me: ....wai..... WAIT! Do you know what today is?

Him: Today? What?

I felt disappointed. I thought he would at least remember my birthday. He turned around `nd walked away like nothing happened.

Me: Wait!!!

Him: What? You have something to say

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me.

Him: What

Me: Tell me!

I just put my pathetic mind behind `nd clung to him. But he just said simple, cold words `nd left.

Him: I don't want to say I love someone that easily. If you're desperate to hear those words then find someone else.

My legs felt numb `nd collapsed down on the ground. He didn't want to say it easily? How could he say that so easily? I felt that maybe he isn't the right guy for me. After that day, I stopped calling him `nd stranded myself at home, crying. He didn't give me a call `nd I was waiting for it. There was just a little doll outside of my house every morning. That's how those dolls piled up in my room everyday. After a month, I got myself together `nd went to school. But I saw him on the street with another girl picking out a doll. He had a smile on his face, the one he never showed to me before as he touched the dolls. I ran straight home, looked at the dolls in my room, `nd tears fell. Why did he give me these?? These dolls were probably picked out by some other girls. I got angry `nd threw those dolls everywhere. Then he phone rang, it was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop. I calmed myself down for the last time `nd walked towards the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I'm going to forget about him `nd that it's going to end. I saw him holding a big doll today.

Him: I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn't help hating him. He acted like nothing happened as he joked around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual.

Me: I don't need it.

Him: What?

I grabbed the doll from him `nd threw it on the road

Me: I don't need this doll! I don't need it anymore! I don't want to see a person like you anymore!

I spitted out all the words that were trapped inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes were shaking

Him: I'm s-s-sorry

Jin apologized in a quiet voice `nd walked over to the doll to pick it up.

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking that up?! Just throw it away!!! But Jin ignored me `nd went to pick up the doll. Then... --HONK!--with a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards Jin.

Me: Jin!!! MOVE!

But like a deaf person, he squatted down `nd picked up the doll.

Me: Jun Jin!! Move!! Move!! --HONK!----BOOM!--BOOM—

That's how he went away from me without opening his eyes, without saying one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guilt `nd sadness of losing him. `nd after spending 2 months like a crazy person, I took the dolls out. Those dolls, I couldn't even look at. They were the only gift that he had left me since we started going out. I remembered the day I spent with him `nd started to count the days, when we were in love. "One.... two........ three....." That's how I started to count the dolls without noticing that the night was going by. "Four hundred... eighty-one.... four hundred eight-two..... four hundred eighty-three....... four hundred eighty-four...... four-hundred eighty-five... " It ended with 485 dolls. I started to cry again with the dolls in my arm. Then suddenly... "I love you. I love you." I dropped the dolls, shocked. "I...love...you??" I picked up the doll carefully `nd pressed its stomach. "I love you. I love you." It ...can't be... I pressed all the doll's stomach that I piled up on the side. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...." It came out non-stop. Why didn't I realize that his heart was always protecting me by my side? That he loves me this much? I took out the doll under the bed. The last doll with blood stains left by Jin. I carefully picked up the doll `nd pressed its stomach. `nd the voice came out was his voice that I was missing so much. "ChaeYun Ah, do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? Um, I couldn't say that I love you since I was so shy. If you forgive me `nd take this doll then I'll say that I love you everyday till I die.... ChaeYun Ah, I love you." He can't be by my side but he loved me until his last minute. For that `nd for that reason, to me, it became encouraging to live a beautiful life.

----

A girl and a guy were riding a motorcycle; they loved each other.

Girl: Slow down a little...I'm scared...

Guy: No, this is so much fun.

Girl: No it's not. Please, it's too scary.

Guy: Then tell me that you love me.

Girl: Fine...I love you, now can you slow down?

Guy: Now give me a BIIIIIIG hug...

Girl gives him a big hug.

Guy: Hey, can you take my helmet off and put it on? It's bugging me while I'm driving...

The next day there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into the side of a building because the brakes were shot. There were two people on that motorcycle, but only one had survived.Halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes were broken, but he didn't want to let the girl know or else she would have been scared. Instead, he had her say she loved him one last time and felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

----

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons andcauses, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens, to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that made the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.You need to know this about love, and to accept it.You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and she/he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don’t choose love.

Love chooses you.

All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it in your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, it will come again.