| WOW. wow. sdkfjsldjfasldf. i dont even have words. im so sick of not being able to do ANYTHING. i hate being fucking powerless. i HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| well...its been...a while. things are still...mending. its a long process. hindsight is amazing is it not? wow... i wonder what presentsight is called...they should call it blindsight. that seems like an accurate description. i had a really good time with the fam this weekend. i miss them. i didnt even realize how much i missed them. they're there for me. always. its a good feeling. having people around you that you KNOW will never hurt you. because they truly love you. its amazing. i thank god for my family. without them... i wouldnt be...well, alive i suppose. haha life is hard. really, really hard. no one can tell you what to expect or when to expect it. but a good friend once told me, its not what happens to you in life that matters its how you get through it and grow as a person. whatever happens, you're better for it. this is difficult to process when you're going through a difficult situation, but i realize more more each day how true it is. i had an amazing spring break with my best friend in florida...and i wish i was still there...but i had to say goodbye to the ocean and head back to good ol' MO. ugh. yet another realization of this weekend...stl is a ghetto piece of shit. i mean, i love it, but i understand how people with, say, less tolerance may NOT love it... it takes a strong MF'er to live in the lou. i have two parties this week...woohoo! cant get too crazy though...i've learned my lesson on that the hard way... you can have fun without uh...forgetting the fun you had. haha i <3 my roomies and my sorority sisters....but i miss my best friend. no one can replace the ONE person who always...just...knows. its good to have that. i miss her. i should have seen her when i was home for easter...but i made some poor choices and didnt get to. :( sad. this summer will be OUR summer though... like old times. when we were both single and STILL had whole hearts. can two broken halves make a whole?... we will sure as hell try. |
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| things are MUCH better. time heals all wounds, time heals all wounds, time heals all wounds......... |
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| one month. 7 days. and counting. my life is still a confusing piece of shit. of course. |
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| how could this happen. i dont understand it. why. why? why? why? why god? really. i'd like to know. i cant do this. i need help. i need someone. i need something to get me through this. guess id better start praying. never would i ever have expected something like this to happen. why me? why now? why him? nothing makes sense. nothing. someone rescue me. please... |
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