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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

  • Currently Watching
    The Jane Austen Book Club
    By Maria Bello, Emily Blunt, Kathy Baker, Amy Brenneman, Maggie Grace
    see related

    i miss this.

    i miss the feeling of anticipation before beginning a new book.
    i miss the way the pages smell when they're first brushed by the tendrils of air seeping in as i crack the spine for the first time.
    i miss the crackle of pages as they give way beneath my fingers.
    i miss the honesty of the first page...
    ...and the deception of the depth of the pages.
    i miss getting to know new characters as they reveal themselves to me,
    chapter by chapter,
    page by page,
    word
    by
    word.
    i miss the desire to finish a novel because i absolutely cannot wait to find out what happens to these people i've somehow gotten to know in a few short hours
    (has it only been that long?).
    i miss the solid weight of a thick book in my hands as it settles.
    i miss the deep breath i take before i open the cover.
    i miss the small smile that crosses my face as i read that first word...
    ...that first sentence.
    i miss the brief confusion as the characters are sorted through in my mind...
    ...as i put faces in my own life to names that had no relation to them before i put them together.
    i miss the shocked looks that cross my face as i learn the reality of their universe.
    i miss the first argument of a book.
    i miss the way my mum looks when i shush her for interrupting my reading.
    i miss the way she understands that, because she's the same way.
    i miss the unfolding plot.
    i miss the gasp of surprise as the characters become individuals within my realm.
    i miss the tears i shed over fictional people.
    i miss the squeals i let loose as they discover their purpose in life.
    i miss slaying dragons and saving princesses and falling in love and growing up and growing away and growing out and letting loose and staying put and taking over and screaming and dying and living and dancing and sleeping and drinking and smoking and being and being and being.
    i miss this.
    i miss this.
    i miss this.

    i miss you. <3

Monday, October 20, 2008

  • Currently Watching
    Grease (Rockin' Rydell Edition)
    By John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing, Jeff Conaway, Barry Pearl
    see related

    out on the town.

    thursday: work. home. park to pick up aimee! bf&b. target. wal-mart. lil bit's. fool's gold. home.
    friday: work. home. change clothes. football game in the rain. 35 - 0. way to go, big red.
    saturday: up lateish. left around three to go to sc. picked up the baybeh. brought her home. played with her. bed.
    sunday: up much too early. church. watched the baybeh. took a nap. gave her back to her mummy. night.
    monday: workworkwork-death-

    seriously, folks, i'm exhausted. and i should be in bed. and i'm not. and i hate it.

    this is my schedule for the coming week:

    tuesday: work. home. clean and find things for halloween costume. buy tickets for gravedigger's. clean some more.
    wednesday: work. home. make sure room is clean. hang out with some cool kids? yesplease.
    thursday: work. home. change into comfortable clothes. sphs play. applaud the bff.
    friday: work. home. change into comfortable clothes. amber's? drive-in for hsm3. home late.
    saturday: up late. getting ready. off to gravedigger's. party hardy. home late.
    sunday: up early. church. yawnyawnyawn. naptime.

    do you see? do you see how i'm living the collegiate lifestyle while not in college? goodness, i'm in for it.

    night all. <3

    ps. even though you insist that you wish you had just stayed and that your weekend at the hill would have been epic (no arguments here), i'm really glad you came home. i missed you. :]

Saturday, September 27, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Josh Groban
    By Josh Groban
    see related

    the death of another.

    i have been listening to josh groban for about an hour this morning. and for about three hours last night before i went to bed. and not just because his voice makes me swoon. his songs fit the mood right now.

    yesterday, i was at work, as usual. last night was supposed to be the big game between my high school and our rivals. i, personally, was stoked to attend. it was going to be a major thing, like it always is. i had dressed in school colours for the day, i was contemplating leaving work early. i had texted both my cousins who attend that school and told them that, though i wish them luck, i hope we trounce them. it was an awful morning at work. it just wasn't good. but i was okay. i was going to make it. because i was going to Black Friday.

    i walked into the breakroom at noon, sighing as i finally got to walk away from invoicing. i was greeted with "hey, you have people at this school, right?"

    "yes."

    immediately, i turned to face the breakroom tv. i saw, there, an image i don't think i'll ever forget. there was a red truck that had been holding three young boys, all students at my rival high school. this truck had been t-boned by another driver. a cafeteria worker there. the driver? he survived. the passengers? they did not. i'm a little fuzzy on the details, but trust me. this was... it was tragic. i immediately texted both my cousins and their mom (who's a cafeteria lady there) to make sure they were okay. they were, but i know what that's like.

    i know how it feels to hear the announcement come over the speaker system to alert you to the death of a classmate. i know what it's like to be surrounded by their friends all day. i know what it's like to have teachers who just can't teach because they knew this kid. i know what it's like to have to wander the halls of your high school with a deadened expression on your face as you try not to let yourself dwell on it. i know what it's like to hear someone laughing and give them a dirty look for their disrespect. i know what that is like. and i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. so my heart goes out to those warriors and their families. i know they're stronger than this. but that doesn't make it easy. and nothing will make the hurt go away. i still cry when i think of that boy. i still have a hard time with seeing his cousin. i still cry. i still hurt. you will, too. but i'm here to listen, if you need it.

    r.i.p. boys. <3

    ps. the game was postponed. but it doesn't have the same feeling.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

  • mamma mia!

    ...i want to see that movie so badly.

    anywho. today was a blogsearch day. i did nothing, basically, but read through blogs of days gone by and realise how boring mine is. i mean, really. and i'm not saying this to be down on myself or make myself seem pitiful. it's not your pity i'm looking for ( though i'll readily accept it. i'm not above pity parties ). it's just, i was reading the blog of a certain xangan today ( i'd link him, but i dun feel like it ) and realised that his entries are not only interesting and quite hilarious, but also thought-provoking and probably requiring much more thought than i'd have originally assumed people put into their xangas. now, i'm not saying i want to be a xangalebrity. i just want something to happen when people read my posts. and that's not happening now.

    unfortunately, with an eight.thirty am to five.thirty pm job monday through friday, it's hard to get online and do anything, much less anything that provokes thought. the very mention makes my head ache anymore. and i have to wonder: is this what i have become? have i really almost disappeared into the wash of the unknown? the business people who go to work daily, come home, go to bed, then get up and press repeat on their meaningless existence?

    ...

    dammit. i have. all because i decided to take a year off from college. -sigh-

    i need to marry a rich man quick. so he can pay off my student loans, then support me as i try to find a way to worm my way into the already overpopulated writing community of the world with mediocre plotlines and characters who change their personality traits more than they change underwear. -sighs-

    also, i need to stop typing these things out in size two or three or whatever, then shrinking them down to size one. it makes me result look ridiculously inferior to what i had thought was a post of average size. -more sighing inserted here-

    i'm depressed. and i don't know what to do about it.