New Years (well it is still sort of new) resolutions!!

Ok....I will share my new year's resolutions - well, the ones pertaining to the people who read this ummm blog? weblog?  whatever.......most of them will have to take effect (or affect -who knows??) when i arrive in the mother land. p.s. - actually i am 1/8 indian, 7/8 scandanavian, and 100% dead sexy - in a wholesome Christian way of course!! btw - don't correct any grammar, or any statements you think are false, like any of you are smarter than me....well, paul is better in math -and jeanne in....ummm...mass production of children....Susan in well affection for nasty creatures that are God's way of reminding us of sin and should all be destroyed(i mean cats, not paul)...and laura in......well nothing....and joanie in.......well nothing either....and ok- you get the point - don't be all smart and correct me!

#1 - I will try to quit being so sensitive about people correcting my grammar (re-read portion above for example.)

#2 - I will try not to make any references to cats being squashed or eaten around susan (top of page doens't count!)

#3 - I will try not to make fun of Becky being skinn- i mean thin (as long as there are no fat jokes coming from skeletors mouth!)

#4 - i will make more references to cool, obscure cartoon characters from my childhood who only "the cool ones" among us will know (see #3 for example.)

#5 - I will figure out if when adding a side note in parenthesis whether or not you include the comma inside or outside the parenthesis (anyone who wants to tell me needs to re-re-read the intro.!).?

#6 - I will try not to gloat more than 7 times a day that the Cardinals are world champions and Stan's pathetic Cubs should maybe try entering the little league world series(Brent and I can be accountability partners about this!)

#7 - I will try not to make too many references on how i like katy better than the other girls so maybe they won't realize this obvious fact!

#8 - I will try to eat whatever food the weird little russian chick who lives with the jorash's cooks as long as it isn't still moving like the giant worm was last year (I left her name out so maybe she won't realize i am talking about her!)

#9 - I will offer my services as the lead singer in a cool new Ukrano-folk band with carl on lead guitar -joanie on rythym - brent on well - something cool and folkish like a flute - and Becky -well.......some light instrument so her skinny little arms can hold it - oh, and paul -well we have 2 guitarist already so you can play the........how about a xylaphone- probably not how you spell rythym or xylaphone but who cares- folk singers don't have to spell..........................or shower!!

oh no - i broke one of my resolutions - Becky....i meant - .....a tuba - since you are so large and hulkish!!  - in a delicate feminine way of course!

#10 - I will try to be more expressive when I speak to jeanne so i can match her conversational style - maybe more handwaving, pained looks and dramatic pauses!!

hold on -i am laughing  - i am just playing - p.s. - if you were offended by that go eat some of your wart medicine!!

ok - i'm ready

finally #11 - I will sit on and attack laura at every possible opportunity! yes, i know i already do this, but i needed at least one i know i can accomplish!!

ok - i have a lot of work to do to accomplish all of this - Merry New Year!!

the latest happenings from your hero

ok, here are a few observations and an update on my recent happenings...

I went to Chicago last weekend- it was fun -here are a few thoughts from the trip.

1 - Everyone has an accent but me...............weird

2 - As i was looking at the giant buildings and amazing architecture i was thinking "man, i am a moron, i'm not sure i could make a grass hut!"

3 - friends don't like when you drive down the interstate with your eyes closed -i wasn't asleep - just a fun game to pass the time.

ok, also, my Wonderful man-truck was hit yesterday!  Some woman hit me from behind!  Fortunately, being the super powerful monster machine that it is, the man-truck didn't receive any injuries.  However, her sissy car did get a big gash on the hood - i consider her to be fortunate the man-truck didn't inflict more pain for daring to challenge him! ....a couple more thoughts on the incident

1- I considered killing her for a brief moment right after the accident - thankfully for her there was no convienient place to hide the body.

2 - Her dog wasn't so fortunate - i chunked that thing off the overpass - which brings me to something i learned........despite their big ears, dogs are not good at flying....................................or landing.

3 - Women drivers are the worst  -the only thing worse than women driving are women talking!!

ok, that was a joke - i don't mind women talking :)

as long as they raise their hand first.

ok, no hateful comments - all that was mostly a joke - not the updates, just the comments (guys you notice i said mostly -don't point this out to the women)

Currently Reading The Uncommon Wisdom of Oprah Winfrey: A Portrait in Her Own Words By Oprah Winfrey see related

Well hello all of my thousands and thousands fans around the world!  I know everyone has been anxiously awaiting my return to the xanga world! Well, wait no longer...........unfortunately i have no great original material......i wrote a poem the other day - since someone claimed i had no skill in that area, but i lost it into a cyber-black-hole!   Yes, i just pulled off the random double-hyphenated word!  So, instead of origian stuff, here are a few qutoes i find amusing.... i will even dedicate them to some of my thousands of fans!

#1 - Laura - "It seems that common sense isn't as common as it used to be!"

#2 - Joanie - "Fascinating conversation is the art of telling people a little less than they want to know."

#3 - Kate "Love may make the world go round, but so will a big swallow of tobacco juice!"

#4 - Jeanne "A teaher's constant taks is to take a bunch of live wires and see to it they are grounded."

#5 - Stan - "Packers are terrible - Go 'Boys!" - i made this one up myself!

#6 - Paul - "Some people use statistics like a drunken man uses a lamp post - for support instead of illumination!"

#7 - Susan - "The medical world has its problems....it's hard to give a man shock treatment after he has seen his wife in curlers!"  -it was either that or a mean cat one!

#8 -Sveta - "Every time I hear a 10 ten song these days, i get the shakes wondering what the bottom 10 must sound like!"

#9 - Carl - "You don't have to be much of a musician to toot your own horn!"

i don't know.............don't ask............and none of you look for hidden meanings - i just thought these were funny...................i'm going to sleep - maybe i'll add a few more tomorrow!

Currently Reading Twelve Ordinary Men : How the Master Shaped His Disciples for Greatness, and What He Wants to Do with You By John MacArthur see related

Have you seen this person?  She was last seen about to board a plane to Russia! Doesn't she look excited?

haha - see beck -i told you i would post this pic.......i mean, it isn't too bad.......................i guess!

I'm sorry about getting cut-off on the phone -i think my phone died!  I hope that you have a great trip, and are happier in russia than you seem to be in this pic!

Seriously, I know you will have an exciting, amazing, time full of experiences and challenges!  I'm not even sure you will see this before you go - but just in case - i am so proud of who you are and excited that you are beginning to live that dream God has given to you!  I will be anxious to hear how God is using you in your new ministry!  I know everyone will miss you, and you will miss them, so i hope all of your good-bye's aren't too sad!! and remember to fear not tomorrow because God is already there! I love you and look forward to (as Casting crowns might say) reading the next verse in your lifesong!!                             

All righty................here are some tidbits of information I wish to share with my vast viewing audience....................stop making fun of me......

 great state of tennessee to columbia

to visit Jeanne, Jack and the Queen.  I spent monday with them, traveling up into kentucky, then served as the Queen's personal driver and brought her back home to memphis.  "btw, if you are wondering why i included a map of directions from memphis to columbia it is because i wanted to see if i knew how to include a pic!"  Then after working tuesday, i drove back to columbia, returning the queen to her temporary castle.  Wednesday, I ran a few errands with Jeanne and the gang, then spent the whole afternoon sitting in traffic in Nashville, looking for a mall i've been to 10 times........... basically because I am a moron!  No need to agree with me about this!  Finally, after giving up on Nashville and going to a mall in an entirely different town, I took some back roads back to memphis. 

Oh yeah............i think maybe i saw an alien spaceship on this remote highway as i was driving home.  It was about 12:15 at night and I saw this massive metal object.........I seriously have no idea what it was.  I remember seeing a bright light and the next thing I remember, I was in a tall tree, wearing overalls and a racoon hat!  Also, now everytime I stomp my foot the channel on the tv changes.............weird huh! 

ok, i made the last part up but i seriously don't know what I saw.............and don't give me this "there are no aliens" stuff................I've seen Michael Jackson!!

Hi Kate and Joan and Laura...............I wish I could have seen you guys too!  you don't yell at me as much as the queen does!! ok, j/k ...................you guys yell at me too :) bye