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| welcome to the wonderful life of me. i have been on a long vacation of seven days. and trust me seven days is long if u have no tv, no internet conection, no radio, nothing. nothing electronic except for the necesary kitchen apliances and bathroom facilities. it would almost seem as if i went camping, but no, i went to the wonderful lake anna. i stayed in a nice lake house and swam all day, i went to kings dominion on thursday, and i worked all day wednesday...
o yea, i got my new scheduale...
1 math -vallone
2 science -brasfield
3 english -dutcher
4 hlth & pe -finke
5 spanish -rivera
6 social studies -root
7 german -bauman
yea, thats my scheduale...
do u wanna know whats kinda ironic? i went on vacation to mostly forget about the world i live in with its ties to secrecy and such, however when all one can do is swim, all u do is think! i cant get him off my mind... im going insane, im sinking slowly into a perilous pit of doom! whats wrong with me? why cant i just be like the normal teenager and not have to deal with this? and if this is what the normal teen does, i cant wait until these years are over.
one more thing, i got yahoo msngr, my sn for that is oinks111
i will try to move forward with my life as i have failed to do so as of now, and as Robert F. Kennedy says:
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
so i am destined to achieve greatly... but in what... forgetting?
o well. that is the story of my life. | | |
| ive been thinking how obbssessed i sound, and its its pretty sad. i know that ive allready said this in a previous entry, but its tru, i probably sound really insane. so, even tho he ocupies my thoughts and, how scary this may sound, my dreams... i will try to be less obbssessed. i will try to go on with my life, and that shouldnt be too hard, i hope, considering of what i have to do. summer is almost over, and i have a lot to do still. i still need to finish my government project, and do some more reading. i should be doing that now.....but i choose to type this instead.
this is the story of before
when i went to school in seventh grade, with heidi, when we still talked...i would listen to my country music and stare outside of the window looking out at all the people who had to walk to school and think to myself, thank god thats not me. i would see this one prsn and his dad every day with their bikes riding up the steep 23rd strt hill. mrs helgerson would say, i didnt know that "he" goes to gunston, and i would notice him. i saw him everyday.
then in the winter of eighth grade he started to talk to me as i walked home. then he threw a snowball at me and ran back to his group of friends...
thats pretty much all of the story of before...
u see, i liked him before he even told me he liked me... and then i screwed everything up... and now im going insane with repetitive thoughts. bc, before i saw him at the fair i wouldnt really put his face to his name when i thought about him, now i see his face in my thoughts. its scary, and it makes me want so badly for november 11 to come and pass. and i ponder, should i invite him to my sweet 16?
but thats so far away, and yet im already making a list. pretty much everyone on my aim buddy list is invited...
anyhoo, i really need to work on my government and get him off of my mind...
what a tedious task that shall be...
so as Jimmy Carter says:
"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference."
and i will work to forget, for now, bc i have faith in me... and my faith in forgetting demands. and i need to work hard at it.
and for those who care about my baby, leo, he's flourishing well, and hes getting bigger, but i think he knows that nemo, elise's fish, died, so even though he lives hes depressed again and hes hiding in the rocks at the bottom of his aquarium...
o well. that is the story of my life. | | |
| i saw him at the fair yesterday. i was on cloud nine, and then i got cotton mouth. i had to leave his group right after he waved me over. i had to get a lemonade... anyhoo, he looked so different, he totally ditched his old cut and was sporting an even hotter look. i felt really pissed off when some girl that i said i remember(but really dont) pulled him away just as i was about to get his sn... GRRRRR!!!! o well...
after he left, my buddy and i, elise and i to be exact, went to try and win fish...she won two and i none, so she gave me one of hers... i named him leo, bc he has a spot, and leopards have spots, but leopard is a nickname for something else, so leo... i love my fish a lot, mostly bc ive been so luv sick lately, and i have a lot of love to give. if he dies im getting another fish, or maybe even two...
i finally coaxed elise to go on the ferris wheel... that was cool...
for as Mark Twain says:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
and i will always do, and i will always try. i will always do my best.
o well. that is the story of my life. | | |
| ooooooo!!!! FREE trial of "Xanga Premium!"... so?
i promised a new topic today, so here it is...my new topic...regret...
for one thing, i regret my promise to you, the public, of a new topic...i regret not taking algebra 2 last year...i regret not studying for my dmv test...i regret shooing away "him"...i regret not doing my gov project last week...i regret not being very active in my life...i regret eating a big mac at mcdonalds when i was four...i regret...
regreting things is not a really good use of my time, but the list goes on.
my newest goal in life is to move on without regret...(but does it really count if im regreting not sending the letters sooner?)...i wish that regreting were something that could be avoided...i wish i was a better person...a better person would not regret as much...
i will try to do as Percy Bysshe Shelley says:
"Fear not for the future, weep not for the past."
how hard that is and will be.
o well. that is the story of my life. | | |
| im so obbsessed...i even had a dream with him in it last night. i found myself writing the name my friends and i call him privately on my hand in black ink. i can't even think straight and my heart hurts. why won't this pain go away? why hasn't he talked to me? why? i hate him for making me suffer so. i hate him for hurting me, my heart, my soul. but then again, i need him, i need him to be there for me. but is it really him i need? am i just in love with the idea of being in love? im so confused. i do need him to be a friend to me. if he ever reads this, he'll probably think im crazy. so, to this subject i bid adue...tomarrow i will have a new topic. tommarrow...
as Emily Dickinson says:
"Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell."
so don't be my hell. and don't be my heaven. be my in between.
o well. this is the story of my life. | | |
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