Well the time has come again for me to keep up with the bi-weekly PJ checks in creative writing. So here I am convincing myself that blogging makes it all the more fun. Sarah, if you're reading this, you've inspired me to start doing this again. I still get the e-mails with your blog updates and I enjoy reading them! :]
This new Xanga layout is confusing. Everyone is trying to keep up with the online community times. I swear, Facebook, MySpace...all the new stuff is so BLAH. I remember when Xanga used to be THE THING and everyone did it in like middle school. I knew all this HTML stuff but now I'm pretty clueless.
I feel like I should update the nonexistant community that reads my weblog with the changes in my life since my last post. The trouble is that my last post was probably close to a year ago and soo much stuff has happened since then, it's crazy. I'm so different.
I started working at Milwaukee Frozen Custard in March of this year. My dad lost his around February. Needless to say I was out of my $15/hr summer steal.
I spent most of my free time last year with Grace and Michelle, pretty much 24/7. Around late spring just as school was ending both Grace and I got boyfriends. Ian asked Grace out on June 16th. Marek and I don't really have a date.
My relationship with Marek has not come without conflict. I've had so many little feuds with his then-best friend Ami who also happens to be in all my dance classes. On top of that we've had all these stupid political debates I don't even want to think about because it makes me sick. I really think he's worth it though. I'm pretty sure I love him.
(Details about any of these summaries will be provided upon request!!)
Because I'm a senior this year I'm in all the top classes at Linda's. I'm actually trying really hard to get better this year because I want to be good; I want to end on a good note. In years past I've pretty much just gone to class, done the stuff and gone home. This year I try. I listen. I sweat. I feel more accomplished at the end of each day and it's great. I'm starting to love it. But I am more nervous doing stuff when other people are watching, like across the floor exercises and such. I feel really vulnerable even though I'm not the worst person in there.
Buck left for college this year and I really miss him. Although I don't know how much we'd hang out if he still lived at home, anyway, because most of my time is devoted to Marek. That's even the reason I'm doing this creative writing stuff right now; so I don't have to after dance. Marek has exams all day today so I want tonight not to be stressful.
This brings me to the topic of school. In short, I hate it. It's not as bad as the first couple weeks; I'm pretty much used to it now. But my grades are less than acceptable (I have three C+s) and I have a serious case of senioritis. I wonder if that's a real diagnosis--if not it should be. I'm just tired of everything about it. I'm tired of being a kid, being told what to do, where to go, what to bring, when to speak. I'm sick of not being able to eat or go to the bathroom when I need to, and seeing girls whispering out of the corner of my eye. I hate the "popular" crowd, and it's not because I'm bitter; I couldn't give two shits about social status. It's just the fact that it's still so important to them; seriously, grow up. I hate waking up at six and making myself look halfway presentable. Emphasis on the 'halfway.' I don't feel like I need to impress anyone at school because I already have Marek. I wear sweatpants and hoodies twice as often as I used to.
Hmm, the sugar high from my Red Bull has kept me going all day...until now. I'm starting to crash so I need to finish this soon.
I just took a break from writing about my boring life to look back at some other people's old Xangas. Most of them have been shut down by their owners, but I came across Chris's and Marie's. They are cute. And they're still dating. I think that's adorable. I'm aware that I'm being redundant but I don't even have eight hundred words in here yet and I need twelve hundred, hah.
I was just talking to Ami on AIM. For some reason I just find her fascinating. I told Ashley Hutson this over the summer and she said Ami probably looks more interesting than she actually is. This could be true. Whatever. I just have this overwhelming urge to be friends with her. It's weird considering how mean she's been to be over the whole Marek thing.
Today at lunch Chelsea and I were discussing the issue of boys and haircuts. This was brought upon us by the fact that Zachary Goble got one like last week. Everyone notices when a guy gets a haircut for some reason, but rarely when girls do, which is ironic I think. Anyway, we agreed that boys get really REALLY upset when their moms make them get a haircut. I've heard of guys crying before, solely for this reason. It's pretty hilarious, in my opinion. It's like giving a dog a bath.
Gosh I am so sick of hearing about the election. I’ve been
trying to block it out the past few days. I’m condemned everywhere I go for who
I’m voting for, anyway. Although I saw this link in Sarah’s away message that
sold all these Sarah Palin Pit Bull Mom Products and there was this lipstick
that was ‘Republican Red.’ I got a kick out of that.
I don't talk to Alex anymore. I don't really care if this sounds like whining because I know it's true: She does not care about me anymore. The only person she cares about is her boyfriend. Yeah, she likes Becka. She probably loves Becka. It would be sad if she didn't because Becka sure adores her. Just saying. She doesn't give a shit about me though. I got really fucking tired of her making fun of me so I finally just told her to leave me alone. Not that she responded; she never texted me back. When she visited over the summer I had fun. But I didn't miss her when she left. I wasn't sad either.
That's the thing this year; I really don't have a best friend anymore. I don't really know why it's so important to me; but I really just miss being with someone all the time. Marek is sort of like my best friend but I hesitate to really say that because I always condemned those who replace their girl friends with new boyfriends. Everyone is just busier this year and it's lame. I said 'really' way too many times in this last segment.
Note to self: use 'really' less.
I turn eighteen in less than a month. I'm very excited (doing better already!) to be able to buy porn and cigarettes! Just kidding. But I'll probably take advantage of all that as a joke. It's amazing that a lot of my friends are just now turning seventeen; in fact Sarah's birthday is tomorrow. These people who come so close to being in class of 2010 seem a lot more mature than the present juniors. But looking back on our behavior in creative writing today (stamp ink all over our arms and necks and chests) ...perhaps not.
Well, I'm like little fluff ball of energy right now! Except I'm not at all fluffy.
I spent all day recovering from last night's charades at Sarah's house. I also drank a Diet Dr. Pepper so I'm wired. I'm thinking about drinking a beer to calm down hah.
BUT I will once again retell the weekend's events starting on Friday after school. I say again because I told Sean (remind me to blog about him if I forget...bahaha 'blog') everything whilst he was driving back to school this afternoon. I'm a little bitch cause I made him keep talking to me while he was driving in the snow. =]
FRIDAY: I went shopping and bought most of the presents I needed to get, with the exception of my parents' and the second half of a few people's. But never fear, I think I'm going to Ulta tomorrow to get all that and I'll probably bring Buck. Then I had to bring Grace my pogo stick because she's a crazy bitch...slut. I love her. Uhh pogo pogo. Then we went back to my house and got sexy for the hockey game, went to that and hung out there with Sydney, Sarah, Maddie, and Shawn; saw James too. Maddie and Shawn are adorable. Watching them together really made me wish my boyfriend lived here and I could see him more than once a year. Hahaha Shawn was telling us about how the hockey boys all walk around naked together in the locker room. I suppose it's like that with any sports team but it made all of us girls extremely aroused. We tried to get him to tell us who was the best...equipped...but of course he didn't want to seem like a homo so he wouldn't tell us. Typical. After the hockey game I was backing out of my parking spot and almost got hit from both directions; small parking lot=scary shit. I wasn't that scared but Grace was freaked the fuck out. So I took Grace home and met her mom and two of her brothers. Her mom was so hilarious; she called me and all of our friends sluts and I was like cracking up cause she was critiquing Heidi's 'Big UK Adventure' plans and there's a part that says something about "test driving" different ty[es of boys. I've decided I love Janet Maupin. Her dog is cute too. Her mom gave us money to buy smoothies at Tropical Smoothie Cafe but it wasn't until we got there that we realized it was 10:30 and it was probably closed...but they let us in anyway and we got some. Yummy. After we got the smoothies we walked around Harris Teeter for a while. I don't really understand why it's such a big deal to some people...it's just a grocery store. AND it's overpriced. So whatevs to that. I took Grace home, went home and slept.
SATURDAY: Honestly, Saturday is like a blur to me. Oh yeah, I remember now. I think I cleaned all day until I went to church at 6. Haha I saw Chris and Marie again. I went to Bloom after that to get some amazing salt n' vinegar chips mm and brownie mix. I bought those to Sarah's house after picking up Michelle, Grace, and Becka. Sarah's house was tight as usual. Sleepovers are always fun there. We made brownies and watched Eurotrip and some rated-X goodness (sike...it was hilarious though). SIDE NOTE: When I was little and heard of rated-X movies I thought it was just a level above R and I couldn't imagine what could be that bad. I used to ask all these adults if they'd ever seen them. This would always result in a nervous chuckle from whoever I had asked and a mumbled, "A few."
SUNDAY: Woke up around 11 because of Grace's damn phone. Ate pancakes for breakfast which were wonderful, along with some chocolate orange which was fabulous as well. I could use some chocolate right now, but alas, I have none. After we ate we went downstairs and did crazy shit but not what you're thinking. Then I went home, tired and pissed that it didn't snow. At least break is five days away and Alex comes in ten. I can't wait. But I WISH I could GO TO THE AIRPORT to get her...
Basically I slept and ate all day; it was a typical Sunday. I opted not to do my math homework but this is my creative writing I put off for two weeks.
I'm eating some cosmopolitan jelly beans right now. They're okay, but they aren't chocolate. Bummer.
Sean asked me out on the 12th, whatever day that was. It was because I was bored and he had suggested it before but I had declined because long distance relationships are shit, generally. So I decided to give it a try so I guess I have a boyfriend now. I'm kind of embarrassed of it because I feel like people don't really understand that we have a really good relationship; not so much romantically but like I tell him everything and he still accepts me, and LIKES me. It's kind of amazing. But don't be like offended if I didn't tell you about him cause I only do when people ask, and even then I feel stupid. But then again I don't look down on Alex for dating Eric even though they live in different states. Sean lives in South Dakota by the way.
I have decided that I
really like junior year. I'm done with my research paper, and I'm only
in one AP class, AP Human Geography, which is pretty much a joke. My
most challenging class is Functions/Trig but I'll most likely switch
out of that before midterms because I'm fairly certain I'd fail that. I
almost never have homework, and never a lot when I do.
Another
thing I like about this year is that somehow I've renewed friendships
with people I've lost touch with over the past few years. It really
makes me feel good because the less people who hate me, the better. I
don't like unresolved fights and lack of closure.
Well, I decided to start using one of these things again. I'm
hoping that it'll make me more excited to write freely again. Also,
hopefully I'll write in this often enough that I can use my entries for
my PJ and not be stressed on the last day to get 1500 words. Hopefully
they won't be shit, either. =] I said 'hopefully' too much but
honestly, is there any other word for it? This is when I would check a
thesaurus, if I weren't so lazy. Thesaurus sounds like a dinosaur.
One
of the things that's been bothering me the past week or so is my lack
of a real identity. I don't feel like my personality is very strong, or
if not that, attractive. I always want to be like someone else. By
being in this mindset I influence myself to act differently and it
makes me wonder how much I really potray my true personality to others.
I admire my cousin, Kim, so much because she has such a great
personality. It seems (to me, at least) that she really knows who she
is, what she likes, and what she wants in life. I wish I could say that
about myself. She seems so confident about everything. I envy her.
Then again, I only see her once every couple of years. But from what I know of her, that's what I've concluded.
Off subject:
Do you ever convince yourself something is good for you just because
you like it? When I'm tired I drink soda, not because it wakes me up,
but because it tastes good. I convince myself I need it though, even
when its lack of desired effect is obvious. Incidentally, when I drink
soda on a school night, I can never get to sleep and end up being tired
the next day. BUT on the weekends, this doesn't happen. Why? I think
it's my mindset. Like, when I know I have to wake up early, my body
wakes itself up at odd hours of the night in anticipation. Weird.
I noticed two things today.
The
first thing is that I always seem to be the one who initiates fights
with my friends. This confuses me because I'm a very nice person and
generally avoid conflict when given the opportunity. I guess it's
because little things bother me a lot. Sometimes they don't seem so
little, though. I really wish I could be more laid back about stuff. I
don't get why some people think everything is just...okay. You know?
You have to worry about some stuff. I don't really know.
The
second thing I noticed is how much I take things for granted. Did you
ever notice that when you're sick, you realize how great it is to be
able to breathe normally? You never really think about breathing until
you can't do it. Over the past week I haven't been able to hear well
out of my right ear. I never thought I appreciated the ability to hear,
so much.
I talked to Alex on the phone tonight, and I really
don't think she's coming for Christmas. I miss her so much. I was
crying today because I felt like I had nobody. That's the worst part; I
have two best friends and when I fight with the one who's still here I
can't go to Alex for support (at least not physically). The phone is so
limiting but I guess it's better than nothing cause it still feels like
I'm sitting in her room talking to her again, only I can't see her. I
can't believe her mom is so heartless not to let her come back. We need
her. She needs us. God.
Friday night was good. After lyrical I went home and got ready, then went out to Chipotle with Becka. Saw Amy. There's always someone I know at that place. Mexican seems to be the craze right now in the food trend department. Still can't finish a whole burrito. I really need to practice. Then we went back to my house and just sat in my room and tried to make a video but it was too long to put on YouTube of course, so we just made a bunch of hilarious other videos and acted crazy until she got tired and left.
Saturday I got up kinda early. Like 9. Lately I like getting up between 7 and 9 because then my day hasn't been wasted sleeping. I hope this habit carries over into the summer time. Sleep is such a waste of time. But anyway. I got to go to BJ's! I love that store, it is my absolute favorite. My mom bought my Diet Lipton Citrus Green Tea. MMM GURL THAS GOOD. Kay I'm done. We also got some other good stuff but yeah that was basically the highlight. Then I went home and did whatever until I had dance at 2. Miss Sheri (sp?) was back visiting so we learned this competition hiphop dance and it was like the hardest dance I've ever done but it was so great, it looked awesome and I felt awesome doing it haha. We didn't get a water break the whole time. It was so intense. I was just totally pumped. Okay enough. When I went home I showered and then read some In the Pond, which really isn't that bad of a book. A hell of a lot better than Siddhartha anywayyy. I attempted to drive out to Smokey Bones to eat but my parents were like majorly stressing me out so I had to pull over when I was almost there and let my dad drive. Then my mom didn't let me drive home. Typical. We did eat there for the first time and it was pretty good. It felt like a resort restaurant or something.
OOHHH I NEVER KNEW MITCHEL MUSSO WAS IN LIFE IS RUFF! Jeeeez hottaaayyy. Freakin' sweet boy. He looks a tad young though. WHateverrr.
I love oatmeal.
Today was basically uneventful. Went to church. Came home. Read the rest of In the Pond. It wasn't boring. Drove to school. Practiced/drew the range. My drawing came out quite nicely if I do say so myself. Drove home and umm ate? That's it.
I called Kristy and asked for the Chemistry homework. I told her I'd get her present tomorrow. She actually asks why I hadn't gotten it already. I was like, Are you kidding me? She was completely serious. Damnn Asian. I'm really excited for her party.
Kristen's coming over on Mondayyy haven't seen her in forever.
