okimanerd's Xanga

Friday, August 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 15:13:40 GMT

ok just to update: the feeling has passed from the meanspirited comments of yesterday to one of, oh, just mild disdain, perhaps even apathy. yes.

forgive me.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 21:36:08 GMT

wow i cannot explain how deeply i despise those little dogs with the beyond-annoying, high-pitched barks that sound like a cat yelping after getting its tail stepped on, except over and over and over (and over). how can anyone stand to own one?

i feel similarly about infants. they freak me out. what with their creepy gurgling and creepy jerky-motion limb-flailing and creepy face-making and creepy not-quite-eye-contact cuz, i dont know, they don't have control of their muscles quite yet or something, so they're like those creepy old men with lazy eyes and you're not quite sure they're talking to you when they are. plus they're all wrinkly and need their every need attended to at every fucking moment. this is not to mention the crying, which is almost as bad as the yelping dogs.

there was a baby shower at work yesterday for a co-worker, who brought in her 2 mo. old baby. i did not hold it. for all of the afforementioned reasons. also i was positive i'd drop it. and even if not, it's the only baby in the room and the focus of the party and therefore, people would be looking at me (well, the baby, but me WITH the baby), which i dislike. and also, it would start screaming immediately, i know it would, and then everyone would see that i will be a horrible mother.

i have way way way less patience when it comes to children birth to....mmm...four these days. i'm waiting for it to go away. but what if it never does?

i feel like i have written this post before...

that is all.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 04:44:19 GMT

it has been decided that whenever i someday obtain a kitten (aka live where one is allowed), it shall be named mikka, after calgary's goalie. it is a cute name for a kitten, and he is a very good goalie, so it is worthy (though i have my suspicions that he would be honored to have a "cute" name, especially after being robbed by detroit tonight...).

anyway. i may in fact name all cats/pets henceforth after hockey players. they have such cool names.

oh playoff hockey. how i love thee. :) and also that show about cheating boyfriends with the swat team cameras and stuff, haha. oh latenight tv. gooood stuff.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 04:25:43 GMT

bar church, reading, nap, last 15 minutes of georgetown/nc bball, football, laying in the grass, shoes-off frisbee, baseball catch, basketball, swings at the park, the simpsons, playoff hockey, steaks on the grill, blazing saddles, hugs

twas a happy sunday.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:56:32 GMT

i am capable ignoring and/or of walking past/over/around something not in its place (for example, let's say HYPOTHETICALLY, an empty cardboard macaroni box on the kitchen floor. orr a sock in the back seat of my car) for days upon days upon days. MONTHS even.

my mother, either by nature or through ingrained repetative behavior (habitualness) (word?), cannot. is incapable. reeeally really doesn't like to.

it is one of our several fundamental differences. and one that contributes to her conclusion that i'm lazy, immature and generally not fit to make adult decisions.

nonsense! nonsense i tell you!

2006 Recap

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 18:54:13 GMT

This is the third year I’ve filled one of these suckers out. I find it to be a nice little summary and also an exercise in serious reflection on the year. Or, rather, an exercise in seeing how much of it I can remember. but anyway, here’s to a sweet 2007 (wow!). happy new year!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Lived in South Dakota. Signed a lease for an apartment (last time, I just kinda moved in haha). Lived alone. Stayed at a hotel alone. Helped lead sorority recruitment, hah! Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota, South Dakota and Montana. Chicago, Fargo, Minneapolis/St. Paul and Thousand Oaks, CA. Ate at In and Out Burger. Bought a song off itunes music store. Read Faulkner. Read Ulysses (well, substantial chunks). Graduated from college. Got a real job. Owned a car. Was in the vicinity of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Saw Mt. Rushmore and Devil’s Tower. Took a yoga class. Joined a bowling league (haha!). Bowled over an 80. Bowled over a 100.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t recall making any last year. I usually don’t. This year, I think I’ll try to exercise more consistently. at least once a week (haha, hey, start small eh?). Maybe make an effort to eat better. Like one good meal a week? How sad is that? Other vague resolutions include: Be more decisive, assertive. Think seriously about the direction of my future/life, and then actually do it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Josh, unexpectedly, in a motorcycle accident….high school classmate, locker buddy, Iraq war vet. Friend. Not clo-o-o-se per se, but very close to people I am close to, and too close for comfort. RIP Josh, I'm sorry i didnt make it to that bonfire at your house....

5. What countries did you visit? None. Sadness.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A full bank account. Assertiveness. Extroversion? Well, maybe a liiittle more haha. Better attention span, longterm motivation.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? All instances of uncontrollable laughter. Last rugby game (sad!). Graduation (rainy). Bowling league haha, and bowling on Christmas. Hanging out with Kels, Ken, Matt, etc. in Columbus last new years. Schnuggling with Erika haha. "This calls for a lap dance." The happy glow of the apartment at night coming down the stairs from Stuy. Running back to Kappa on bid night. Meeting Byron Pitts. Watching Sex and the City and sleeping in my empty apartment. That last kiss on the porch before I left. Sleeping in backseat in Sundance. Sleeping in the backseat in Fargo. Photo shoot in sunny California at the sista’s graduation.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting a real job. Making progress on paying off loans. Living on my own. Swallowing my fear.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hurting the boy (yet again). Not even trying to start the novel haha. Being too shy, cautious. Losing my favorite HUGE Bowling Green hoodie.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? My knee suffered huge trauma from this INSANELY huge bruise/blood pooling/lump from rugby (not helped whatsoever by that three-game tournament I played on it the next weekend…but whatevs) that took many ice packs and months and months to fade and three doctors visits and talk of lancing and two rounds of steroids to cure. And actually its not fully cured. But good enough I guess.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Car. Bike (it was free though). Ice skates. Bowling shoes. This little tray table thing (very useful). Happy red microwave.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Me graduating! Me getting a job! Amy graduating. Steve’s band (pretty cool new stuff going on, no?)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My mom’s overkill criticism. Roommate’s drunken antics.

14. Where did most of your money go? Car payments. Student loans. Apartment. Gas. Groceries. Bowling league haha.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Ohio State beating Michigan! Um. Job/Aberdeen. Copy editing, haha! Um. I don’t get really really really excited very often.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Family Force 5. Alt-country (thanks for the intro Scott, I really like it). Rollerskate Skinny and others, Old 97’s. Kings of Leon. Anything by Scissor Sisters. Joy Electric Christmas.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier maybe.
b) thinner or fatter? Same.
c) richer or poorer? Richer cuz I have a job but then I’m paying off loans, etc. so it’s probably evened out to the same haha.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? More hanging out with Steve. More pushing my lazy brain. More writing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Less feeling guilty. Less feeling shy.

20. How will you be spending New Years? Working till midnight haha. suck! Maybe something fun afterward.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? “We are all a little weird, and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” –Unknown. Oh love, haha, every time I think I’m almost straightened out, I get confused again. I guess finality scares me a little bit. I possibly wouldn’t mind a playful date here and there, but it always gets serious fast. Usually on the other end haha. And then I have to feel guilty cuz it’s not cool to string boys along. Mmm, Foxy knows what I’m sayin, right yo?

23. How many one-night stands? Hah.

24. What was your favorite tv program? I barely watched tv. Maybe college football.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don’t really ever hate anyone. But there are people I’m more annoyed at.

26. What was the best book you read? Katherine Mansfield’s short stories – great! Plath’s The Bell Jar. All the Harry Potters. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Austen’s Emma.

27.What was your greatest musical discovery? Family Force 5 = greatest live show ever. Scissor Sisters. Nightmare of You. Old 97’s. Ok Go. Fishboy.

28. What did you want and get? A job I liked. A newish car. A fairly cheap apartment.

29. What did you want and not get? LOTR dvds, jerks. Teach for America. Writing program in Maine. Toledo City Paper. Three of the four turned out probably for the best, but LOTR though, man, come on!

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I’m still missing seeing some from this year, but Tristan and Isolde was probably the best of the lot I saw. Xmen 3, yah, many didn’t like it, but I did. Maybe even Brokeback Mountain. And Capote, which was really from 2005 but I saw it in 2006.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 23. I was off and I read magazines at the library and made frozen pizza and it was pretty much amazing haha. And later, scott brought me happiness in the form of blockbuster gift card and muffin haha. And we watched good night and good luck.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? It would have been fun/comfy to live with Steve, etc. in Toledo. Or do that magazine internship right after graduation.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Lazy. Hoodies. Converse.

34. What/who kept you sane? Pepsi. Frozen pizzas. Movies. Laughing. The library. Magazines. The baby sista for her understanding commiseration of the parent situation. The foxy Fox for being my lifetwin and the chats about life and love and all the craziness. Steve for (mostly, haha) unwavering support and always having my back and being a phone call away. Scotty for making Aberdeen feel more like home.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Eh, none?

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Abortion probably made me think the most.

37. Who did you miss? Erikkka. Stevie. The Amykins. Rugby girls. The kittens.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Scott. Todd. Bronson.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Nothing like ending with a doozy, eh? Umm, perhaps just learning to make my own decisions for what is best for me (aka not defining success by other people’s standards) and knowing I shouldn’t beat myself up about how it affects others (even though I usually do anyway). I sort of redefined my definition of success. Um, I feel like this was less a year of learning life lessons than one of just refining/relearning old ones. Like all the ones learned LAST year. I think I’ve gained a greater appreciation of the fact that (at least I believe) things happen for a reason, and the people and places that intersect our lives are a blessing you’ll see later if not now and really do serve a purpose. One of my fave quotes kind of sums it up: “Success is this: to laugh often and to love much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better…and to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.” – emerson.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 00:00:45 GMT

some thoughts/mainly frustrations, confusions/one goodie.

1. the city FINES people for "failure to maintain financial responsibility." i dont know how that is helping anything. it seems to go along the lines of that old practice of throwing people in jail until they pay off their debts. duh! no one's making any money stuck in prison. clearly, if someone apparently can't manage their money properly alone, adding a fine on top is certainly not going to help anything.

2. there is also a fine for "ingesting an intoxicant other than an alcoholic beverage." what are they talking about?! i really want to know what this beverage is. all i can think of is something like drain-o (does that intoxicate someone?) but it seems to occur too often for it to be that. plus, those idiots should not be fined, they should be given medical attention!

3. some stupid girl got a $20 ticket for not wearing her seatbelt. then she didnt show up for court as promised and got fined $119. haha! what a retard.

4.my computer at work often freezes up while it "communicates with the server." after minutes of this, it pops up with this happy message that says "while outlook waits for a response, you can continue working in other applications!" LIAR! EVERYTHING is frozen. grr.

5. WinAntiVirusPro!!!! EVIL!!! this fake virus protection program that re-signs itself onto my computer pretty much every time i turn it on!! ive removed the program from my computer at least 3 times. each time it returns, it claims it has found 93 viruses. oh my! what a nice not-quite even, believable number! also it gets in the way of my perfectly good REAL virus-protection, because it is recognized as the virus it is and my computer sort of goes slow and crazy. also, just annoying, is that unlike my perfectly fine norton anti-virus, which has a nice yellow doctor-looking icon, WinAntiVirusPro's icon is this red/gold flashing circle thing that looks like an inflamed cold sore. it looks evil. virus protection should look strong and calm and happy.

6. today i was mistaken for a boy while entering a used sporting goods store. it happens fairly regularly, about once a year or so, usually because im wearing some sort of hat. once, it was at a skate park with a helmet on. then at a bank when i was wearing a ball cap backward. today it was cuz i was wearing long basketball shorts, a hoodie and a stocking cap. the clerk was like, hey man, or something like that. and then was like, oh sorry! it was a nice moment of commeraderie though, the immediate unquestioned good-will put forth toward another sports-loving male. haha! fooled him! happily, i did find a pair of used hockey skates for $10 though. and all was well with the world. tomorrow: outdoor ice rink at the park. joy!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 05:37:42 GMT

A HORRIBLE THING HAS JUST HAPPENED: no more than 15 minutes ago, i was asked to work on january 8. (though, really, i don't have a choice.)

TRAGEDY!!!

sarah doesn't get to watch osu/florida!!! (at least in peace...i might be able to catch some at work on a tv in someone's office...) :( !!!

i WILL get to lay out the game story in the paper. BUT THAT'S NOT WORTH IT. no way. sigh.

AH! and ill also have to miss bowling for like the 5th week in a row.

dude. this blows. i knew it was too good to be true i was off that day...

stupid people going out of town for christmas...GRR.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 22:14:30 GMT

i was off today.

i ate a turkey sandwich, went to the post office and the bank, took out my trash, procrastinated, leafed through a magazine and thought long and hard over which wilson brother i preferred.

i decided on owen.

this better matt?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 06:04:18 GMT

lately i've been inexplicably (but extremely) annoyed at all children under 3. they are so freaking self-centered and screechy and i can't stand it. even though i understand they are still learning and its completely natural, i still can't stop the wave of loathing that washes over me.

im possibly more disgusted with anyone who fawns over them. especially their parents, and especially when they talk about them in that smug, my kid is so cute/great/special/smart/let me tell you what they did the other day way. i just want to punch them in the face. they aren't cute and they aren't great and they aren't special. they are all the freaking same and no one cares.

im especially thinking of this girl i work with who has two kids under two. the other day she was watching a 10 minute video of her son on her computer. at the unmistakable baby-cooing sound, everyone in the office kinda looks up and looks around, confused where its coming from. and there she is, just sitting there, head cocked, dreamy look on her face. she watched it several times in a row.

her son is a baby. he cannot walk. the video is him just looking around, kinda smiling/cooing, chilling in his crib. camera close up in his face. for 10 minutes. the only way i could tell it wasn't a still photo was cuz of the sound and the face that he blinked or jerked his head every few minutes. ok. THIS IS NOT INTERESTING. SPARE US. IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER FREAKING BABY.

thankyou. haha sorry. that is all.