Danger Danger Warning Warning!!!

This may be a bit late, but if it saves just one life, it will be worth inconveniencing millions of others.  Just what is this grave danger, you ask?  Pirates of the Carribbean 3, that's what.  In fact PotC 2 is more of a danger, but at least it's not still in theaters.  I can sum up the plots of both these movies with this sentence:  Johnny Depp and crew sail the seas in search of stupid people who will pay to watch this garbage.  These two movies make the first one actually look pretty good, a cinematic phenomenon, even. 

What I want to know is, are movies a reflection of the warped and confused society in which live, or do warped and confused people make movies in order warp and confuse impressionable ( stupid ) youngsters.  If you have the misfortune of being familiar with these movies, let me ask this:  Does anyone out there actually like pseudo-plots that are so twisted with backstabbing and betrayals, gratuitous violence that serves no purpose, views of death and the afterlife that are totally inconsistent from one scene to the next, multiple lame attempts at humor, etc ad nauseum?  On this last point, take for example the line from #1 , "Why is the rum gone?"  At the time it was kind of funny, so of course it was also used in #2, (Killing the horse)  Then it was used again in #3 (Beating the dead horse)  I guess it saves money over actually hiring someone to write something new and creative.

If you're still not sure what I think, maybe this will clarify things: Two hours and 45 minutes of my life and twenty five bucks of my hard earned money down the toilet.  The 25 bucks includes treating two ingrates who say they liked the movies, but I know its just the peer pressure talking.

I'M BAAAAAACK!

My long Xanga hiatus if finally over.  Of course I was just testing everyone out there to see if you cared whether I continued posting my high quality opinions or not.  Obviously, the answer was "not", which of course motivates me to continue torturing you.

I have been considering becoming a kinder, gentler Grouch.  As time marches on, some things get more rancid and bitter, and other things mellow and improve, like a fine wine.  While I find sauerkraut more palatable than chardonnay, I would still rather be compared with the fine wine.

I confess that I am out of practice after all this time that has passed.  I won't, however, treat you to any play by play details of my most interesting daily existence, just as I hope not to hear about yours.  I do intend to try to provoke you readers into intelligent debate and discourse, but if the past is any indication, I won't be holding my breath.

Long awaited.....

I needed to wait for the right inspiration, which is the reason for not posting in so long.  Unlike many of you, who write a bunch of boring nonsense and useless information just to have regular updates, I wait until I have something of great importance before I burden you with a new update.  It's about Quality, not Quantity.

The other day I stopped at BJ's Wholesale Club to look for some deals.  I don't know why I bothered, because every other time I've gone there looking for deals I've come out empty handed.  Except this time I came out with something to rant about, so my effort was not totally in vain. 

I've always been under the impression that when you buy things in "bulk" quantities at a place with "wholesale" prices, you would save a lot of money.  Apparently this is not the case.  Why does a single package with 48 rolls of toilet paper cost  5 bucks more than 12 four-packs cost at the local Shoprite?  Why should a 1 gallon tub of ice cream cost 3 bucks more than 2 half gallon boxes?

As usual, these questions are rhetorical, since I already have all the answers.  Further observation has helped me to conclude that the type of person who shops at wholesale clubs has these characteristics:  Wealthy -  They don't care about the prices, because they can afford the stuff at any price.  Fat -  The "bulk" items to these people are considered normal size.  The word "bulk" also applies to their bodies, as well as their fat, lazy children's bodies.   Stupid -  Even though they don't care about the high prices, their depression-era parents taught them from their youth to shop for bargains.  They think they are getting good deals by buying at "bulk, wholesale" prices.

I close with a comment about one of the great ironies of this world:  You can be fat, stupid, and waste your money, and still you can be wealthy.  I guess that's why I'm not.

ATTENTION ALL BMW DRIVERS!

Please  don't take offense yet, this is just a survey to scientifically determine patterns and relationships in order to better serve your needs, and to make the world a better place, since that is what I do best.  The questions require little thought, are Yes or No, and have been designed specifically for BMW drivers after careful observation over many, many miles.

(1) Back in the old days when I used to insult my intelligence and fry my brain by watching TV, I recall a BMW commercial stating very simply, " BMW......own the road."  When you are behind the wheel, do you literally think that you do indeed own the road, and anyone in your way really is in YOUR way?    Y  or  N

(2) There is a rumor floating about that I want to either confirm or dispel.  When you buy (or lease) a BMW, is it true that along with the official ownership documentation, you also receive an official JERK ( the Holy Spirit has restrained me)  license, allowing you to drive like a maniac, weave in and out of traffic, flash your headlights at anyone in front of you with the audacity to poke along at 5 to 10 over the limit, and once you maneuver past, you stomp the gas just to prove how cool you are?   Y   or   N

(3) You possess a finely crafted, German engineered perfomance automobile that can go 0 to 60 in 5.3 seconds.  Do you feel the necessity to accelerate this fast every, single time you start after coming to a stop?   Y  or  N

(4)  The day you purchased your BMW, did you put your shades on, look at yourself in the rear-view, and say, smugly,   "Dude, you have arrived." ?     Y   or   N

There, wasn't that easy and fun?  Please answer honestly, since this survey will be forwarded to the big shots in Bavaria.  Hopefully you answered everything before scrolling down to here, because just between you and me, they are hoping for all Yes answers.

Currently Listening Absolutely Right: The Best of Five Man Electrical Band By Five Man Electrical Band see related

AND THE SIGN SAID.....

......long haired, freaky people need not apply.

 Those of you with any awareness of music written before the 21st century will probably recognize this golden oldie.  ( Yes, lots of cool stuff happened before you were born, believe it or not )  And if you do indeed recognize it, you'll remember that the ultimate message was that God can accept you even if you look like a hippy scuzball.  I'll grant that God can (thankfully) be quite liberal with those who seek Him.

But let's not forget the other important messages of the song, namely, that long haired losers are out of sync with the rest of society, and should be treated with respectful contempt.  I know I've used a word that bodes ill with you "enlightened" slacker types:  the word "society".  You think that accepting societal norms means not being the "real" you, that you're caving in to "The Man", and will be doomed to a suit and tie materialistic life where you are always ruled by someone else.  "Societal norms" are not just arbitrary rules set up to elevate some and keep others down, they're that and so much more.  There are some things in this world that are there from its creation, and one of them is that women look good with long hair, and men look like freaks.