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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

  • I'll Turn Straw Into Gold

     


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     She's a song unsung, she's the wild orchid in your ugly swamp. She's a song unsung and the only white walls of her mind know what that song sounds like.



    A crack in the smile but she's always in style while she waits, waving goodbye but she's too tired to cry and she's wasted. A letter he wrote but it's far too expose so he throws it away. The sound of regret as it's counting the steps back to safe. I don't want to leave you with perfume and promises but we'll never know 'till we capture and bottle it because wouldn't it be such a shame if all was wasted?


    Snow falls on the city, white on white. It's the color of hope on an unforgiving night. You kissed me into ruins, sin on sin. Now I've gotta love your love letters written on my skin. I can't tell the stars from the downtown lights. If I said I was truly over you my heart would say amen but I'd give into the cold caress of 2 am. I    f I admit I can't get used to this will my heart break again? As i fall into the waiting arms of 2 AM. Someone's scratchy music through the walls, sirens weavin' through the streets, I must have missed your call. Gathering up these nights, black on black. I know your voice like it's my own and it makes my heart go slack.



    All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put us back together again. We huffed and we puffed and we blew this house down. We tried. Yeah, we tried. The sticks and the stones were breakin my bones, and the names that were said kinda hurt us. Riddle me this and riddle me that. What went wrong? When did the sun stop shining? When did we turn into two divided? I guess we will never really know why, but I remember once upon a time. Sometimes I wish upon a star to give you a reason to give me your heart. Rock-a-bye baby, you rocked me goodbye. Tell me why. I guess we will never really know why, but I remember once upon a time.


    Forever came and went,
    Forever stumbled throu    gh.
    Forever had poor sense of time and made a mess of me and you.
    Forever had us fooled.
    We fell for it again
    Now time is standing still forever.



    Hands touch, eyes meet. Sudden silence, sudden heat. Hearts leap in a giddy whirl. He could be that boy but I'm not that girl. Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are. Don't remember that rush of joy. He could be that boy. I'm not that girl.


     It's all out of hindsight now. Your rearview mirror shows everything somehow and you're all out of open road. You just want to go back home, if you only knew the way.



    If the sun went down tomorrow and it never came back and the city went quiet and we fade to black, well I won't have a single regret and I wouldn't trade a thing because I never knew I could feel what I feel inside of me. Better to have loved than never loved at all. Better to have dreamed than never taken the fall. Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin. Better to have hurt and screamed and cried, fall into the earth for a trip to the sky. Better to have loved you.


    I stand for the power to change,
    I live for the perfect d    ay.
    I love till it hurts like crazy,
    I hope for a hero to save me.
    I stand for the strange and lonely,
    I believe there's a better place.
    I don't know if the sky is heaven,
    But I pray anyway.


    Ready your rifles and sharpen your swords. We're supposed to be waiting, we've forgotten what for. Losing the battle, but winning the war. We wait for day to come. To all of the ones who have fallen behind, the world-weary wounded, the wandering blind. This burden is easy, this burden is light, wait for day to come. We faithful, we few, we fragile with hope. Turning our backs to the cold and we wait for day to come. How long has it been since we've come to this place? Standing still for so long, we've forgotten your face. Our souls marching onward, our bodies in place - we wait for day to come. The night burns too slow, and the fires just don't catch. The flames from the dawn haven't kindled us yet. It's too cold to sleep and our bones are too wet so we wait for day to come.

    She will never be invincible. She will never be some Florence Nightingale. Her thresholds invisible but she'll hang on like hell. Yeah, she may be transparent and she's got no defenses to speak of but she'll stand here before you with no pride or prejudice just steadfast and certain she'll land on her own two feet. You'll think you can break her because you think that she's crazy and weak but her power will defy you when she wears her heart on her sleeve. She will never learn you're tranquility. She will never learn how to let things slide off her. Joy overwhelms her and her sorrow won't subside. Yeah, she still may be transparent but my power will defy you when my heart's on my sleeve.


     








         

Friday, July 11, 2008

  • War Within a Breath





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    But people recover from disappointment. Otherwise we'd all be hanging from nooses.




    If roses are meant to be red and violets to be blue, why isn't my heart meant for you? My hands longing to touch you but I can barely breathe. Starry eyes that make me melt right in front of me. Lost in this world, I even get lost in this song and when the lights go down that is where I'll be found.


    Each and every time I turn around to leave, I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed. Desperately I try to link it with my head but instead I fall back to my knees as you tear your way right through me. I forgive you once again without me knowing you’ve burnt my heart to stone.



    I'd tried to tell him that first day. I'd said I didn't always tell the truth, that I didn't handle conflict well, that anger scared me, that I was used to people just disappearing when they were mad. Our mistake was that we'd both thought I was capable of changing. That I had changed. In the end, though, that was the biggest lie of all.


     I'm watching your shadow cut by the moon, peaceful I wait for the dawn. These moments in silence are all that I need, the softness of hearing you breathe. And I know it doesn't get better than this, funny it starts with just one little kiss.



    I'm thinking all the time how to tell you what I feel. I'm contemplating phrases, I'm gazing at eternity, I am floating in serenity and I am so lost for words and I am so overwhelmed. So close your eyes but don't dream too deep and please pass me some memories and when I fall you're underneath 1000 broken hearts carried by 1000 broken wings.


     Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself, when will you open up for me? I love you so, wanna meet you again before one of us must go. Your lips touched every hand but mine in the shadows you shall find. When will you get back to me so we can rest? Tiny heart, you're not by yourself. When will you recognize the beat of my own heart, making your blood flow so that your chest can rise and fall? When you choose me, I'm waiting for you. Always waiting.
    Here's the weight of the world on my shoulders. All alone I pierce the chain and on and on the sting remains and dieing eyes consume me now. The voice inside screams out loud. I am focused on what I am after, the key to the next open chapter because I found a way to steal the sun from the sky. Long live that day that I decided to fly from the inside.


    This dying youth of beauty and pleasure evaporates. Lives are connected to lasting obsessions that become possessions of waste while buying the next new fashion that's fed to enslave this land of the free.



     You broke my heart when you said goodbye and only you can lift my spirit. You gave me wings and now you're gone. Well I'm crying inside, a thousand tears every time I think of you, lock the pictures away, hide the letters too. Anything to get my mind off you. Tell me how can I look up at the moon when I know that moon shines upon you through that window in your room?


    Squeaky swings and tall grass, the longest shadows ever cast. The water's warm and children swim and we frolicked about in our summer skin. I don't recall a single care, just greenery and humid air. Then Labor Day came and went and we shed what was left of our summer skin. On the night you left I came over and we peeled the freckles from our shoulders. Our brand new coats so flushed and pink and I knew your heart I couldn't win because the
     seasons change was a conduit and we left our love in our summer skin.




     I once knew a girl in the years of my youth with eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth. In the morning I fled, left a note and it read, "Someday you will be loved." I cannot pretend that I felt any regret because each broken heart will eventually mend as the blood runs red down the needle and thread. Someday you will be loved. You'll be loved like you never have known. The memories of me will seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs like I never occurred. Someday you will be loved. You may feel alone when you're falling asleep and everytime tears roll down your cheeks but I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet. Someday you will be loved.


    Like autumn leaves his sense fell from him, an empty glass of himself shattered somewhere within. His thoughts like a hundred moths trapped in a lampshade. Somewhere within their wings banging and burning on through endless night. Forever awake he lies shaking and starving, praying for someone to turn off the light. Born of a broken man, never a broken man. Born of a broken man, but not a broken man.



    Too many shadows in my room, too many hours in this midnight, too many corners in my mind. So much to do to set my heart right. Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready. Oh but if I take my heart's advice, I should assume it's still unsteady. I am in repair, I am in repair. Stood on the corner for a while to wait for the wind to blow down on me, hoping it takes with it my old ways and brings some brand new look upon me.  And now i'm walking in a park. All of the birds they dance below me. Maybe when things turn green again it will be good to say you know me. Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready. Oh but if I take my heart's advice, I should assume it's still unsteady. I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there.


    All the raindrops in the sky tonight can't compare with all the pain and all the tears I've cried but now I'm done. All the make believe locked in this picture frame is gonna stay behind along with all the burning rage that's been tearing through my heart. It's killing me slowly. Every beat, I was falling apart.



    You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me and that's what made me see where I was going wrong. You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself. I can only blame myself, you can only blame me. And I could write a song a hundred miles long. Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me. And I could write it down or spread it all around. Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea. You put me on a line and hung me out to dry and darling that's when I decided to go to see you. You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes, made me realize what I could not see. And I could write a book. The one they'll say that shook the world, and then it took it took it back from me. You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea.

    "You don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton."

     

                

Sunday, June 15, 2008

  • One I Love The Most



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    * I just realized that I have 25 subscribers! Thank you to all who have subscribed =) *

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    Even the stars sometimes fade to gray. Even the stars hide away.



    Sometimes it's hard to say even one thing true when all eyes have turned aside. They used to talk to you and people on the street seem to disapprove so you keep moving away and forget what you wanted to say. Little bird, brush your gray wings on my head, say what you said, say it again. They tell me I'm crazy but you told me I'm golden.


    “Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and adventures are the shadow truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes and forgotten”



    If you cut, I will bleed, bring me down to my knees. You make me feel what I am is never good enough. Can you help me understand, I thought I made you a better man. I guess somehow along the way, things change. I give, you take. Somehow it's going to break, we can't go on this way.


    "There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart." - Sarah Dessen


    Tangerines are hanging heavy, glowing marigolden hues teasing a half-pale moon and I feel a pull to the blue-velvet dark and stars. Pink Magnolia, blushing and coy, savors the sun while she shines. All it takes is a little faith, and a lot of heart.


    Tibby: Why can't you stop thinking and just follow your heart? Lena: Because, he broke my heart.



     "Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."


    "Here all of nature was captured, labeled, arranged according to logic that seemed as timeless as if ordered by God, perhaps a God who had mislaid the original paperwork on the Creation and had requested the Field Museum staff to help Him out and keep track of it all. For my five-year-old self, who could derive rapture from a single butterfly, to walk through the Field Museum was to walk through Eden and see all that passed there. "



    I could catch just like a candle, melt myself down     to an end and I have no way of ever coming back 'round here again. Or I could glow just like an amber rising out of an autumn fire, drifting toward the heavens floating higher and higher. You better hide your matches.


    “I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”


           

Monday, June 09, 2008

  • Locked Up In Love




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    She is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. She is trying but the canyon's ever widening in the depths of her cold heart so she sets out on another misadventure just to find she's another two years older and she's three more steps behind. Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even knows she's going down today under the shadow of our steeple with all the lost and lonely people searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me? She is yearning for shelter and affection that she never found at home. She is searching for a hero to ride in, to ride in and save the day and in walks her prince charming and he knows just what to say. Momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away. If judgement looms under every steeple, if lofty glances from lofty people can't see past her scarlet letter and we never even met her. He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.



     You are the loneliest girl in the world taking your hits as they come. You are the loneliest girl in the world and tonight you'd fall for anyone. It's in the way you fall down to bed, it's in the way you cry when he's not looking. You are the loneliest girl in the world, I'll watch you die a thousand times again. You are the loneliest girl in the world and I just want to make it go away. I just want to make it go away.


     Something's familiar to me, they don't have to know. Swift and contained and caught up in life so you never can land, your genius/beauty it hits me like dirt in the face and you can't understand. All I have ever wanted was just to be able to stand on my own. Cursed and betrayed and forced to be strong on these hard iron wings. Wizards and scientists left on their own shouldn't play with these things. Now we are running away and who knows what the future will bring, on our own. We are left to survive on our own.



    "I became aware of the old island here that flowered once for Dutch sailors’ eyes — a fresh, green breast of the new world. Its vanished trees, the trees that had made way for Gatsby’s house, had once pandered in whispers to the last and greatest of all human dreams; for a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder."


     The world before me, the wall behind me. I don't know which side I'm on but it's the right one for me. I'll take my time now, I'll sing my heart out, now I know. The strings that held me down have come undone, I'm on my way. This isn't the first time I've been to this place but it's the last time I'll be afraid of anything and so the next time you look at my face, know it's the last time you'll ever get to question me on my broken legs.



    "Her body calculated to a millimeter to suggest a bud yet guarantee a flower."


    He covered page after page with wild words of sorrow and wilder words of pain. There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.



    "I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself."

    Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
    Kind of turn the    mselves into knives
    And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
    'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions



    Are we happy     plastic people under shiny plastic steeples with walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain? But if the invitation's open to every heart that has been broken, maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade.

    "To the wingless a more interesting phenomenon is their dissimilarity in every particular except shape and size."



    I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong, I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me. I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on, I just didn't wanna let it get away from me. But if that's how it's gonna leave straight out from underneath then we'll see who's sorry now. If that's how it's gonna stand, when you know you've been de    pending on the one you're leaving now, the one you're leaving out.


     She abandoned me left out in the cold, no suprises I guess that's how it goes. Sits across from me in a booth in this dive, I contemplate how much more I can survive. But- I'm alive so I should be content, then tell why the hell my whole world is bent?



    If it's a broken part, replace it
    But, if it's a broken heart then brace it
    If it's a broken heart then face it

    “(It was) the fact that he had to keep secrets -- and I became a secret-keeper. You can't really marginalize or ghettoize a whole sector of the population, because it forces people into a life of shame. That, of course, trickles down.”



    Mystery the moon, a hole in the sky, a superna    tural nightlight, so full but often right. A pair of eyes a closing one, a chosen child of golden sun. A marble dog that chases cars to farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars. A cosmic fish they love to kiss, they're giving birth to constellation, no riffs and oh no reservation. If they should fall you get a wish or dedication, may I suggest you get the best for nothing less than you and I. Let's take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting. You are an illuminating anchor of leagues to infinite number, crashing waves and breaking thunder, tiding the ebb and flows of hunger. You're dancing naked there for me, you expose all memory. You make the most of boundary, you're the ghost of royalty imposing love, you are the queen and king combining everything, intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl.

    The high hats are angel's voices, they keep her distracted from the stranger's voices. Escape is a paradox because her childhood is locked in that music box.

                 

Friday, May 30, 2008

  • Hope Lingers On




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    - Sorry I haven't updated lately or even commented on anyone else's posts. I've been so busy with culminating activities and work that I just don't have time and when I do, all I want to do is sleep. I will be updating for soon though - hopefully this weekend =)

    ♥



    He's here to write his name on my skin with kisses in the rain, hold my head and ease my pain in a world that's gone insane.



    Suddenly you're not yourself, behind the facade is a lonely angel still. Suddenly I am the one who opens the gates to this now gloomy garden. Come and let this man go crumb by crumb in this big black forest.


    I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind. I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time. But I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon. I feel there is nothing I can do. After all I knew it had to be something to do with you. I really don’t mind what happens now and then as long as you’ll be my friend at the end. You called me strong, you called me weak, but still your secrets I will keep. You took for granted all the times I never let you down. I picked you up and put you back on solid ground.



    The open wound she hides, she just keeps it bundled up and never lets it show. She can't take much more of this but she can't let it go. And that's ok, she don't want the world. All the things she says while she's just lying there without someone to hear her cry. She slips off into a dream about a place to hide and that's ok, she don't want the world. This love she feels, everything she's ever known or ever thought was real seems like it's been thrown away. Those words he never spoke haunt her life, the memories of all the times before. She tried to show him love while he would only ask for more. Softly in her sleep, pictures of the life she's longing to slowly appear. She's seen them all before but somehow never quite this clear. She just smiles, she don't want the world. A brand new morning shines as she wakes up alone again this time to face the day. She swears there's time to make it as she simply walks away. And it's ok, she don't want the world.


     The dance of flames and shadows in the street make poetry nobody's ever heard. The weight of loneliness stands on your feet; the cage already there around the bird. So why don't we join the masquerade before it all falls apart?



    She can see about four satellites every minute of the hour and find a four leaf clover where you never saw a flower. She's habitually paradoxical, a parallel perpendicular. Barefoot in     nightgowns, that's how she dances in the rain. Sundown to sundown, like she was washing 'way her pain. As she is beautiful, she's unpredictable. Damned irresistible, is it plausible to hate her. She is my common sense, revels on decadence but what's the difference, it's impossible to bait her. She can really be a handful like the brownies that she bakes you. It can be a tad hysterical, but never quite the breakthrough. She's some kind of an epitome, the sea of intranquility. In flimsy nightgowns, barefoot she dances in the rain. Sundown to sundown, like she was washing 'way her pain.


    You can see that this broken soul is bleeding so you can see your feelings inside yourself and wander through my heart. Letting you see through me now only consumes me. Forget your pain, watch me fall apart.



    Down on your hands and knees underneath the poplar trees, down in the sticks and stones looking for store bought bones. Baby I'm the rising sun clutching at your holstered gun. Baby I'm a shooting star, I'm looking wherever you are. Looking through a telescope, maybe there's a sign of hope. Leaving everything behind, discovering your store bought mind. Sending everything to the sea and wishing you were here by me. Shifting through the mountain of bricks, searching for a store bought fix. You can't buy what you can't find.


     Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a land, where you're the shining star, and even though it seems, like it's too far away I have to believe in myself, if it's the only way. This is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Gonna let the light, shine on me. If I doubt who I am, there's no way to hold it in. No more hiding who I wanna be. This is me.




    Hoping I can run today and get away faster than ever from here. Another night and who can say if leaving is better than living in fear? Here's to all the broken hearts tonight, here's to all the "fall-a-parts" tonight. Here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy, they let it get away.


    Bridges burning gladly, merging with the shadows, flickering between the lines. Stolen moments floating softly on the air, born on wings of fire and climbing higher. Ancient bonds are breaking, moving on and changing sides. Dreaming of a new day, cast aside the other way. Magic visions stirring, kindled by and burning flames rise in her eyes. The door stands ajar, the walls that once were high. Beyond the gilded cage, beyond the reach of ties. The moment is at hand. She breaks the golden band.



    There was a man, a lonely man, who lost his love through his indifference. A heart that cared, that went unshared until it died within his silence. And solitaire's the only game in town and every road that takes him takes him down and by himself it's easy to pretend he'll never love again. And keeping to himself he plays the game. Without her love it always ends the same. While life goes on around him everywhere, he's playing solitaire. A little hope goes up in smoke. Just how it goes, goes without     saying. There was a man, a lonely man, who would command the hand he's playing.


     Today she dresses for the change she's facing now and the storm that's raging, a safe haven she has found. She doesn't care what the prophets say anymore for the love she had, she has no more so she gathers rain. She gathers rain to rinse away all her guilt and pain. She gathers rain to wash and cleanse and make her whole again.



    She said she's still searching for salvation's light. She said she wishes all day and she prays all night. She said she won't speak of love because love she's never known. She said it's moments like these she hates to be alone.


     "Turn," he said. "Remove that veil, you're fading in the head, and take off your slip and slip into my heaviness of skin. And I'll be your disguise. Believe, now in what you see because seeing me is all you'll ever be. Baby don't you think, I'll close your eyes so you need not to blink. And I'll numb your demise. Baby who will come more than a mile to put a rose on withered cheeks that hide no smile? And if the pain don't satisfy, you know you can hide in me until you get it right so drop the mirror. Look at me with polished eyes, an unnecessary feature because I am fine but this talent that you'll learn will soon be your deflection of the hurt and I'll numb your demise."



    There she stumbles, falling to her knees. I think she tripped on reality. Well I would walk a million miles to give her all that she needs but she would walk a million more to do wha    t she believes.

    You've got the world
    I think it's slipping
    From all the fear that you're gripping



    Don't you draw     the queen of diamonds, she'll beat you if she's able. You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet. Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, before it's too late.


     I still remember the world from the eyes of a child. Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now. Where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world. I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all. I still remember the sun, always warm on my back. Somehow it seems colder now. Where has my heart gone? Trapped in the eyes of a stranger. I want to go back to believing in everything. I still remember.



     Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today. I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away, thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes. There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself by hurting you. Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit, sometimes I just want to hide because it's you I miss. You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this. Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance, to look into your eyes and see you looking back.

    You'll remember me when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley. You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we walk in the fields of gold. So she took her love for to gaze awhile upon the fields of barley. In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold.