onesassylilbrat's Xanga

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Tue, 15 Jan 2002 16:32:15 GMT

Kay i haven't been here in a while only because I have been working and it is really been a big chage for me to manage my household as well as work cook clean and Play mommy, and wife ... anyway ...

for some reason I feel as if i have grown so much the last few months... why? ... I seem to be more open to certain things and definately more social than i was a few months ago...especially when it comes to sharing what i did today with others ... hmm maybe I am finally REALLY learning to let go and do and say what I want instead of what others want... I am just so tired of watching what i say and doing things different because other people want me to .. I am me and if youre not happy with that hey .. to bad i am sorry that you dont always agree with me but thats your problem because I have my own personality just like you have yours and your view on things although completely different from mine is yours and you are 100% allowed to have it ... right?

I just feel like I am finally free to let all of me show! and it feels damn good. I love being able to express my opinion and not really care what you and whoever else is there has to say ... (not pointed at anyone directly) but anyway i just feel like I am okay with u or anyone else not agreeing with me and i am not worried if you get mad that just proves to me that u were never what i thought u were ...

Well now that i am done with that issue lets move to other thing .. work has been great really laid back and not stressful at all , I am enjoying it because i get to catch up on things in my own head its like me time and i am getting paid to have it you cant get better than that .. i seem to be able to relax more and enjoy my own silly little thoughts that run through my brain .. and i get some silly ones! ha you know what else I am not really afraid to be alone anymore now all my regualr readers know that i am a complete freak about being alone ... I am no longer that freak! I am completely Okay with it .. I mean I get ur average scare here and there but nothing like it used to be .. yay for me I am so glad that i dont have to be afraid to live .. I feel so free all around in general .. and i love it i just want to breathe it in and hold it there forever ...

Friday, December 28, 2001

Fri, 28 Dec 2001 04:40:19 GMT

well heres the new look I am ok with it I may change it but it will do for a while maybe a week or so....if it is too straining on the eyes let me know

well today was a decent day it went ok I am exhausted I got home from work at 12 am Ughhh!! I forgot to let you guys know if I am not bloggin much or leaving comments that is why I have been working from

3 -11 30 pm

I am way tired when I get home and half the time the girls are still awake arguing Sometimes I feel like saying I quit!! ( the home thing I mean ) I just get so worn out! and it is like they expect me to be superhuman or something! do I look like I came from Crypton??? awgh don't think so!!!! so what is the friggin deal! Why do I have to get the girls up get them ready ( no problem with that ) my problems begin when I have to :

Make dinner

Clean house

Wash clothes

Get up at 3 am to make lunch

schedule appts.

remember appts.

pay bills

buy groceries

and work on top of it all!!

Talk about stress! goodness I just dont know how much more i can carry on my already heavy shoulders * shrugs * oh well...

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Thu, 27 Dec 2001 03:53:03 GMT

well I guess it is time to redecorate I am thinking of skipping New years and going straight for valentines day !! what do you think? Maybe Yeah Maybe No ... *shrugs* well soon see !!! I must get that picture of me in that santa suit off now it is already past christmas!

Well Maybe I ll put me in a diaper and a cupid bow in my hands ... ? heehee

Monday, December 24, 2001

Mon, 24 Dec 2001 17:16:09 GMT

MelzBelz~

Here are some photos of the girls that i had in the pc...

This is Tia being silly.
This is Ella she is 6

This is Tia again

and Tia again

I will post more of Ella later when I get them uploaded tia's were uploaded cause she had a project at school that required photos

(((Hugs)))

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Tue, 18 Dec 2001 15:04:11 GMT

Today has been decent so far besides me trying to do laundry, dishes, dinner and housework all vefore 3p.m !!! I am rushing around like a chicken without a head!

Tia had an Upper GI today and a Barium Swallow .. She did great considering the Barium tastes like EXTRA THICK MALOXX (sp?) she was telling these doctors that it was good and she would have another drink when I asked her after the appointment if she liked it she said

Me: "was it good baby"

Tia: "NO mama it was NASTY!! Yuck!!!"

Me: "why did you say it was good then honey" ( i was asking this cause IMHO she looked Nauseated when she was drinking it and BAD!! )

Tia: "cause it was thiers them guys and they said it was good they made it for me "

Me: laughing "did you not like it?"

Tia: "No it was Nasty I didn't want to be mean and I took a drink again mommy they made it for me.. "

she was smiling she said she didn't want to be mean cause it was their drink they made it for her HAHAHAHA!! i feel so bad for her poor honey ... On the bright side of things at least she was polite!

Friday, December 14, 2001

Fri, 14 Dec 2001 00:24:15 GMT

The wind is really at it here tongiht.. it is the absolute perfect time to be in front of my girl ( my PC ) right now! I have 3 Chocolate Chip cookies and a Nice Hot Cup of Swiss White Chocolate Mocha ... Mmmmmmm It is so tasty and the setting is perfect!

Tia is watching Miracle on 34th street and Ella just went off to her daddy's house . I really don't like it when she leaves then I am all alone in this house. Well I have Tia but she is only 3 and she goes to bed early so I am alone when she is asleep ... Sometimes ( Okay Okay most of the time ) I make her sleep with me till Al gets here. He has been getting home real late or should I say EARLY The last few days. I think he will be earlier today though .

Either way I love this weather! I get to be all cuddly in a BIG sweatshirt and BIG sweatpants and wrap meself in a blankie in front of this here hunk of Electronic something ....

Well I am off to search the world of Bill Gates .

Thursday, December 13, 2001

Thu, 13 Dec 2001 21:33:32 GMT

So Daddy Takes Tia to school today and comes home Pissed! his face had this completley irritated look he says Where is that teachers brains? I said why? he said... It is 49 degrees out and she has snow for 3 year olds to play with OUTSIDE and SNOW CONES for them to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O.K I have to say I was a little irritated but then again NORMAL CHILDREN wouldn't get sick from playing with snow and eating a cold treat! So I just calmed him down and explained just that... Normal children don't get sick By going outside OURS DOES! she cannot change the whole criteria of the day for one child and we cannot treat Tia like she should live in a bubble.. he argued but eventually he agreed.

How do I get past that issue? she is constantly bringing things like water etc.. things Tia can't do cause she will get all wheezy and feverish.. should I drop her from the class or let her be? I am torn my lil girl loves her school she loves all those things normal 3 year olds love...getting wet, running outdoors, snow, ice cream, and all that good stuff but she gets sick just from being outdoors to long I just feel so helpless and sad that I cannot let her do all those things. I give in every now and then but most of the time she can't do it.

I think that water play is innapropraite for any child in the winter months why does the preschool allow it?

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

Wed, 12 Dec 2001 01:38:46 GMT

I am sitting here thinking about the last 6 years of my life and I am just so content with the way everything has gone. I mean I can't say I have had a Prefect time BY ALL MEANS MY LIFE IS NOT PERFECT! But I am happy with it ... I can say that much .. I have 2 beautiful daughters who are everything I could ever want in a precious child and an awesome Best Friend, Companion and Love... he is all I could ever ask for and then some. Times do get hard I admit that one! They are actually hard right now really stressful but it is times like this that make me see my life for what it really is because regardless if we have money or not we still have one another and our beautiful children and it makes it all worth it!

---------- I love you baby ~

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 21:13:23 GMT

A Welcome to My newest Subs!

Greeneyes31 and MelzBelz! ((Hugs)) to the both of you there is something below for each of you!

Greeneyes31 ----- A NEW SUB AWARD! Thanks for subscribing! ----> O.K So I was bored but hey look on the bright side you got an award .... I need to get something to do with my free time hee,hee...

MelzBelz I had to put those two on something they are to darn cute!

lt;

Monday, December 10, 2001

Mon, 10 Dec 2001 16:26:33 GMT

To do list:

*Wash about a Gazillion Loads of Laundry

*Wash Dishes *yuck* I hate doing dishes!

*Find what we are having for dinner ( probably Lemon Chicken Drums with Herb & Butter rice pilaf and veggies! )

*Fold a Gazillion Loads of Laundry

*Put away a Gazillion Loads of Laundry!

*Go over the books I have make sure ALL the bills are paid

( Why I have no clue due to the fact that I am broke if a

bill isn't paid then it won't get paid! hopefully they are all paid though )

*Clean the house -----

*Straighten the girls room out

*Vacuum

*Clean counter tops

*mop and sweep!

---------------Let's see given all I gotta do I should be done sometime around midnight! Damn it !!!!

It is now 12:45 and I am still not showered! Daddy took Tia to school today so Mommy didn't have to get ready Yay! Wasn't I over joyed! .... he is working an evening shift in the city today so he didn't have to leave until 12:45p.m WOW that was a big change! he ususally leaves @ 5:45 a.m before he used to leave @ 3:45 a.m this is getting better and better! Little Old Anna Doesn't have to AFWAID NO MOW! I am such a big scaredy cat!

I swear I have some kind of Panic Disorder problem! I will be sitting in the living room looking around and then all of sudden I get this feeling that someone is in there with me and next thing you know my heart is racing and I am feeling the urge to RUN!

Despite the fact that I CAN SEE EVERYTHING IN THE LIVING ROOM ALL THE WALLS DOORS AND WINDOWS lol! anyhow it gets so strong that I actually start believing (no matter how proposterous it may sound ) that someone is in there and they are going to get me any second! and guess what ANNA BEGINS RUNNING FAST AS POSIBBLE TO THE Bedroom !! lol Al thinks I am completely Nuts! but hey that is just me

I don't swim cause I swear the Loch ness monster is in the pool lol! I even laugh at myself but I can't help it.... O.K so by now I am probably a total nut case in your mind but let's face it all of us have some kind of issue going on right!? ( I hope anyway ) lol.

Oh yeah did I forget to mention my Compulisive Disorder? lol I am a complete Clean freak! we won't go into that one though I may lose my readers! haha Just joking!

Now moving along... we now have a WHOLE 13 days Till Christmas Are You Ready?????

I know I am not ready I still need to get access to about $1000! first lol! That will never happen so my children are stuck with just a few things for their gifts. They will be greatful none the less I have great kids! and they are so sweet.

__________________________________________________

Today's Question:

What is on your wish list?

My answers: Happiness is all I want and for my children to be happy and greatful.

If the money was right I would ask for a Upad! for my computer so I can do better graphics! Oh yeah and a waffle maker... ooooh let's not forget the Benz I wanted.. Ok so I am getting carried away! Your turn.......