I love Emma so much. It was hard at first, but now it is not so bad being a mother. I am a single mother and that does suck, but I will get over it. I am working on it. Emma is such a sweet heart. She is starting to smile and giggle. And she really likes her bottles, if you dont make them fast enough she will tell you about it.

If you are a single mother you get lots of discounts too, you get cheaper insurance, you get to go to school for free and you get discounts at other places. Its exciting. But its no picnic either, getting woke up at 6:30 every morning for a bottle, and not be able to go back to sleep until 10:00 really stinks, but now I am starting to feel like it is worth it. Everytime you tickle her feet and she smiles and giggles it makes it worth it.

 Her dad might be a complete peice of shit but she is a little angel. I dont see how something so sweet could have came from such a bastard. But it did and at least right now she looks like me and is nice. Hopefully it stays that way. I know right now she recognizes me and she has no idea who her daddy is when she sees him, which is sad, but its his choice he's the one who doesnt want to see her. One day he will realize how much he has missed.

I can say that I hated be a mother at first, but now that I have adapted I truely love her and I would kill for her. If fact I would like to kill her father because I know someday when she realizes what is going on it is going to hurt her, and it is sad becasue I know no matter what I say she is going to blame her self, but it really stinks. But oh well what can you do. I am going to protect her in every way I can. Anyways well Im off!

BLAH

I went to the wonderful doctor today, and then I was admitted to the hospital because my blood pressure. Hahaha But luckely I was released in the same day, and I have to go back to the doctor again tomorrow. Today I am 36 weeks and 6 days pregnant, and the doctor will not induce you until the 37 week, and tomorrow is the 37 week, and when I go tomorrow they will decide if they are going to induce me or not.

Hum... No comment. But if I do not get induced I am on bed rest until I have the baby, and on bed rest you can only get up to go to the bathroom. *tear* Oh well well Im going to go eat pizza.

Toodles

Hey.

It is technically Saturday and it is 5:45 in the am. I would like to go back to bed, but thats not going to happen. I keep having these dreams and once I wake up, there is no going back to bed. My dreams are all baby related in some way whether it is me giving birth in the dream or me hurting the baby in some way, you name it I have dreamed it. Today I dreamed that I had my baby shower and at was at Wal*mart, and one of my family memebers that attended died there. I dont know why I would dream something so stupid, but I did.

I am sitting up by myself and I hear funny noises out side, so if I get killed by a psyco neighbor or something, it was nice knowing all of you.

I fell down the stairs today. It was raining outside and I was wearing flip-flop shoes (becasue that is all that fits my feet right now!) and I fell down the stairs on the porch. I suppose you could say thankfully I landed on my back, but I would have to say my back disagrees, and I bruised my arm. I was hoping it would cause me to go into labor, but it appears as if there is no hope for it. *tear* I tried to stop eating for a day becasue I have gained "too much" weight, I ended up crying because I was so hungry and I gave in and ate. My brother yelled at me and told me that pregnant people do get fat and gain weight, but it still didnt help. So I have decided I must eat, because I cant afford to sit around and cry. It takes too much energy.

Well Im going to go do dishes, laundry, and take out the trash. Our house is a pig sty! I hate living with six people and two nasty fucking dogs. If its not one dog causing trouble its the other!!!

~Stephanie~

Today is Sunday. I have no plans, except trying to sleep. I went to bed at midnight and I work up again at 2. I've been awake for over six hours and I have taken two sleeping pills and they do not work. The doctor gave them to me and told me they would work, but so far nothing.

I worked at the Thunder play offs on Friday, and channel ten was there and they wanted to get shots of the merchandise and I moved away from the stand to make sure my ass wasn't in the picture, but needless to say the bitches came back during an intermission, and took a shot of me selling shit, so my whale of a ass was on TV on Friday night. I wanted to go find the blonde bitch that took the footage and shove her huge microphone up her ass. I didn't want to be on TV for a reason. I have already gained too much tucking baby weight, and I am trying to avoid being seen by too many people I know. Then that bitch snuck back to the stand and shot my big fat belly hanging over the merchandise. My mom told me it looked like I was hiding a large watermelon under my cloths. Oh well. Hopefully there is such a thing as Karma, and when that woman looks her fattest, she will have to show it all to the entire city of Wichita!!! HAHAHAH

I have less then a month until I must pass this watermelon through myself. I am looking forward to getting it out of me, but part of me wants it to stay inside for ever. I don't want to have to clean up someone else shit. I already have to serve enough people, now I really am going to have to jump when the baby tells me to. The baby says waaaaa, I pop out the boob and tell it to shut up, if that doesn't work then I have to its change dipper, and if it still doesn't shut the beggar up, then I give it to the dad!!, or the grandma!!

Every time I have a pain, I pray it is a contraction. I'm not really sure what a real contraction feels like but apparently when it happens I will know. My body has decided to retain all the water it wants and if I stand up for a while, my feet will eventually look like a hobbits foot. I think its funny. Its not attractive, but who's trying to be. If I could hide behind a large rock and only show my fact I would have about a 1/4 of a chance of being successful. But with out the rock its about 1/1,000 of a chance.

Well if anyone ever feels like hanging out, give me a call. I only go to school, and sit around the house. So I am available pretty much all of the time. Unless I'm in bed, then you wont be able to get me up for nothing. Well I am going to go eat some breakfast, then give it one last attempt to go back to bed.

If anyone ever wants to contact me call 371-8459 it is my new number, well not too new, but most likely no one has it. Adios.

Stephanie