certain organizations I'm involved are under the guise of christianity.  but it's simply a guise, that's all.  it really breaks my heart to see people distort Jesus' name in this way.

as stated before, I'm currently reading "irresistable revolution" by shane calibourne finally.  I've had the book for over two years now without even opening it because I dimissed shane as yet another rob bell.  [I know some of you worship this man, but he is woefully misguided.]  but thank God, I finally did.  this man is incredible.  his book is brilliant.  and his ideas are revolutionary.  I'm going to start posting quotes from each chapter here.

I think Godly Gals means well, but sometimes they just really miss it.  I'm still involved because I don't think God just wants me to abandon this ministry.  but it's incredibly hard sometimes.  most of these girls are trapped within the confines of the church walls which is exactly what God preached against.  I'm blacklisted for wanting to live my life as an ordinary radical, for not being afraid to get my hands dirty, for actually living my life as Christ did.

shane [yes, we're on a first name basis now] said, the doors of normalcy and conformity are dead.  the time has come to give up on the doors and find a window to climb through... and the people who have changed the world have always been the risk-takers who climb through windowns while the rest of the world just walks in and out of doors.  I so desperately want to shake up the world  [talking about a revolution, sounds like a whisper] but sometimes I feel that donald miller and shane claibourne are the only two people who understand this.  and jay bakker to a certain extent.

speaking of jay bakker, I really want to go to revolution church in atlanta on sunday while I'm there.  one punk under God definitely changed my life a year ago and I have a completely different understanding of the bakker family.  [if you have no idea what I'm talking about, please please please ask me!]  I still have the stickers I ordered that say things like, "as christians, we're sorry for being self-righteous, judgemental bastards" and "Jesus is the savior, not christianity".  oh, how I love this church.

there are so many thoughts going through my head the past few weeks about all of this.  I just want to sit at carpe and discuss this with emma or parliaments or sophie or jamie.. or heck, even shane and donald and jay.  it'll be a grand ol' time.  ahh, I just need really deep conversations at carpe so I can finally get all of this off of my chest.  and I need it to be with people who understand and don't find these things radical.  I need people who don't underestimate the impossible.  basically, I need more twloha girls in my life.  :]

I'm sitting here re-reading "Blue Like Jazz" and some things in the Alone chapter really stuck out...

"I used to want to be in love again as I assumed this was the opposite of loneliness. I think being in love is an opposite of loneliness, but not the opposite. There are other things I now crave when I am lonely, like community, like friendship, like family. I think our society puts too much pressure on romantic love, and that is why so many romances fail. Romance can't possibly carry all that we want it to."

"The words alone, lonely, and loneliness are three of the most powerful words in the English language... Those words say that we are human."

"Other people keep our souls alive, just like food and water does with our body."

"He says loneliness is real painful, and I will know it when I feel it. I think it is interesting that God designed people to need other people. We see those cigarette advertisements with the rugged cowboy riding around alone on a horse, and we think that is strength, when, really, it is like setting your soul down on a couch and not exercising it. The soul needs to interact with other people to be healthy."

"And what is sad, what is very sad, is that we are proud people, and because we have sensitive egos and so many of us live our lives in front of our televisions, not having to deal with real people who might hurt us or offend us, we float along on our couches like astronauts moving aimlessly through the Milky Way, hardly interacting with other human beings at all."

"Loneliness is something that happens to us, but I think it is something we can move ourselves out of. I think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teach people to care for each other, love each other. Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall."

"If loving other people is a bit of heaven then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live."

"Without people I could not grow-I could not grow in God, and I could not grow as a human. We are born into famillies, he said, and we are needy at first as children because God wants us together, living among one another, not hiding ourselves under logs like fungus. You are not a fungus, he told me, you are a human, and you need other people in your life in order to be heatlhy."

I've got my hands at redemption's side who's scars are bigger than these doubts of mind.