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| no pain, no gain*read at your own risk*
you are alone inside the Singapore Indoor Stadium. outside the stadium is surrounded by people armed with penknives. you have to touch the ceiling with your hand in 1 minute and theres a knife on the floor. if you dont touch the ceiling with your hand in minute, the people outside will come in, cut you with their penknives and rub salt onto the cuts on your body. but, if you touch the ceiling, bill gates will give half of his assets to you.
what would you do?
try jumping until you reach the ceiling? no, impossible. run up the stand and into the VIP room and find some wire to swing across? you ll take more than a minute. what to do? chop off your hand with the knife and throw it up to the ceiling. pain yes, but you get 6 billion dollars. and with 6 billion dollars, you can then go fix your hand back, with probably 5 billion dollars plus remaining to spend.
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| I will be still, know You are Godfor the past few days i have SEEN how God has watched over me and protected me. and this means, i m going to go into another period of thinking. rethink my life. what to do, i love thinking. just saturday night after practice, qihui drove me home. and just as i was about to reach home, we almost collided with a bus which was making a turn, so qihui emergency braked. the car stopped JUST ENOUGH FOR THE BUS TO MAKE THE TURN. i think what separated us from a disaster was just like a few centimetres. the next few months are gonna be so..i dont know, typically unusual. typical in the sense that i m gonna have to be studying and studying(although hardly anyone believes  ) unusual in a way that i can see God walking beside me. its so wonderful. anyway, DPA interviews are gonna start tomorrow. i really really want my DPA. not so much that i can relax a LITTLE BIT, but that the pressure to meet the cop of my desired course will be relieved a little. but if its God's plans for me to get into the course i want through my own merit, then i ll accept it willingly. entirely because i have faith that if He wants me to do it, He will bring me through it. anyway, in conclusion, yesterday as i was on the way to church for the 3rd service, i boarded bus 196 from suntec. the seat next to me was this guy who's physically and mentally disabled. he was on his own. he got to places with the help of people cause he has this card which lets people know where hes going and which buses to take. and as soon as elton and edric told him that he was going the wrong direction, he got off. when he stood up, he lost balance and fell back to his seat. he then got up again and made its way to the steps down the bus. it then struck me that, i m one who knows my way around quite well, i m physically and mentally normal. these small little things are actually enough for me to thank God. you dont need something spectecular to take place in your life to know that God is with you. i finally CLEARLY understood what it means to "thank God i m alive and healthy".
--I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well -Psalms 139:14
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| bass my nights/fingers away. eventually for the glory of God.
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| to God be the gloryhappy birthday QCMC (: today's services are all combined into one, so my day is more or less wasted after church. i really loved tuckhing's sharing just now, ending it with My Tribute. so many people in the sanctuary cried. as for me, i really couldnt hold back my tears during My Tribute. to God be the glory. Amen. and so on the way back i started thinking(as usual) how much of mans praise have i sought after and kept it for my own glory when it should ve gone to glory Calvary. honestly, minimal. gah, how typical. you work hard to gain man's approval, when you get it, its your own effort right. i really hate that, but i still sub-consciously do it. well and my argument will be "its human nature" but another part of me says "this shouldnt be the way" i need to change. its july now, 2008 has been quite fruitful to me spiritually. but nevertheless, as a human, theres no escaping sin. i really struggle with so many. pride, lies, covetousness and well, the list goes on and on. i want to change, i really want to change. but. problem is, I want to change. I dont want God to change me. here you go, pride. even when trying to change for the better. i remember when i was talking to eugene..
Eugene : how sure are you that you are going into heaven?
Ervine : well, uh, cause I think I have done what I should to get in?
Eugene : okay, wait. rewind. say that again.
Ervine : huh? uh orh. er, cause I think I have done what I should to get in?
Eugene : okay so, I(you) have done what you should? you mean it isnt God who died on the Cross so you can be saved?
Ervine : 
i was so totally speechless. i think, not only myself, whoever you are reading, ask God to change you, dont ever try to change yourself. because, the glory, may eventually be given by you to yourself.
－更新我心意，使我能象祢
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| Rest in Jesusthe theory of two selves is really quite cool. its something i read from a psychology book. basically, i cant remember whether is is the cerebellum or cerebrum, is responsible for this, i would say, phenomenon. self 2 is the nice guy whereas self 1 is the person you are when you keep scolding yourselves for the mistakes you make or try very hard to not make a mistake by keeping too closely to your every movement. when you practice/train, you are training your self 2. that is what keeps whatever you have learned and apply it whenever the need arises. that is, of course, without the intervention of the irritating self 1. i tried it yesterday during the combined choir practice. i picked a part of the song i m really familiar with, and during that part, i would reply my friend's sms. i screwed up neither the song nor the sms. there you go, proven. i think its really amazing. the brain. and even more amazing, the Creator of the brain. okay. this morning i went for prayer meeting in church. i saw a miracle. i woke up late. the meeting was at 6.40, i woke up at 6.25. so i cabbed down to church. i told the driver "commonwealth mrt" and left him to choose the route. he chose to follow the mrt track(which is spammed with traffic lights). BUT! throughout the whole journey, i only got caught at 2 traffic lights. and caught as in, the driver had to slow down. didnt even literally stop. and basically the other traffic lights are green. if you ever get a chance to count the number of traffic lights from lakeside mrt to commonwealth mrt following the mrt track. you would say a miracle has happened too. okay anyway, i reached church at 6.45. 5 minutes late only. i would say to anyone out there who is doubting :
--Rest in Jesus, Rest in Jesus, He will hear you when you pray
Rest in Jesus, Rest in Jesus, He has loved you, love you still
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