please keep my account. thank you for not deleting!

cheers!

so it seems that even during the home stretch of my med school career, when things are supposed to be on cruise control, i'm still encountering haters in this field to make everything but peachy for me.  well, if i carefully examine things, this path called med school has never been smooth for me.  so i guess it would make sense that getting out of here isn't gonna be a walk in the park either.  doesn't sound so weird when there are haters in every field....even if it involves the nunnery.  so like any true fighter, i realize that just cuz i may be beaten, it doesn't mean i'm out for the count.  i have to say, i have encountered so many experiences in this past 3+ years that makes me feel like i've made the wrong decision.  and who knows, maybe i haven't. but i have $200,000+ in debt to keep me in this decision no matter what.  regardless, i've met a few people w/ words of encouragement and just as few people that i feel truly comfortable around that may just keep me in this thing in the long haul. so the light at the end of this tunnel may be near, but there's still plenty of booby traps in the way.  and no, i'm not talking about the vegas boobies, but more like temple of doom booby traps. just gotta make sure that i still have my ninja stars close at my belt.

jesus, do people even use this thing anymore?  well anyway, i feel i might as well punch out another entry before all my creative energy is sucked outta me.  pressing matters...hmmm....well, i'm living in butt fuck fresno right now.  i'm here doing a psychiatry rotation @ UCSF-Fresno.  so far, so good.  the faculty is pretty top notch, my attending is a great teacher, and my residents are fairly cool.  the work is great, but a bit slow at times.  i keep fucking falling asleep during rounds (for medical lay-folks, this is when we sit around the room & gab about patients and the million possibilities of what we should do with them).  so i think i have some type of lecture-induced narcolepsy.  it's been around since high school. my 10th grade auto shop teacher kept asking me if i was on drugs, which i was not.  anyway, it was mainly b/c i used to sneak out at night-time, thus allowing me two hrs of sleep a night, if at all.  now, i get sufficient sleep, but no matter what, i'll snooze if someone has anything to lecture me about. what sucks is that i'm not very discreet about it b/c i'll hunch my torso over like a limp flamingo.  the cool thing is, though, that whenever a question is asked, i break instantly out of my mini-slumber & interject w/ something remotely relevant such as, "zzzzzzzzzz......we should DC the Zyprexa and continue the Depakote 350mg bid for seizure prophylaxis."  today, i tried so hard to stay awake during my intern's presentation, but i literally felt a strong gravitational pull yanking my eyes closed.  i put all my might into keeping my eyes open to the point where i had multiple creases in my forehead, but all the extraneous effort just made me more exhausted, and OFF i drifted into slumberland...yet again . 

anyway, i came into fresno thinking that i'd staple my nuts together out of boredom. i'm currently w/o television, but i'm getting around that w/ netflix instant view option.  i'm w/o my core group of friends that i hang with, but i figure this will be a good time to REFLECT & CONTEMPLATE my life.  it'll be like the dalai lama sitting on top of the himalayas to pontificate the state of the universe. but instead of the state of free-world...i'll mainly be thinking about how much of a farce in the medical system it would be if i can get into a top notch residency after my piss-poor performance in med school & my board exams. it would be worse than HMO's, it would be worse than the AIDS virus, it would be worse than hermaphrodites in thailand.

but i digress.  anyway, fresno isn't so bad. it's got decent places to eat, a number of bars....all i need to find is some good looking people and all my basis will be covered.  the traffic here muy excelente!!!  but my resident told me that the summers get up to 110's & lloyd is like FUCK DAT, cuz i have extreme heat intolerance.  i swear to god, i turn into a little fucking baby at the stroke of any significant heat.  during that last heat wave we had in L.A., i think it barely broke 100 in torrance, and i was sat on my couch all day like a lazy lump of shit, miserable as hell, doing nothing but watching tv & drinking fluids.

anyway, i'm already exhausted from this entry. i can't believe i had so much energy couple years ago w/ these entries when i first started a couple of years ago.  on that note, time to brush my teeth.