When dreams hit today

Seem like it wasn't all that long ago that we were looking forward to prom. Seems like it wasn't all that long ago that I wasn't the only one that chased down the ice cream man. What happened to climbing trees & getting dropped off some where to meet up with friends. Remember when getting a kiss at the skating rink was all you thought about for months? Remember when getting home on time was a top priority? I remember eating all the wonderful home cooked meals my mother made & I would sit there & wonder why we didn't eat fast food. Now I would kill to have all those meals every night for the rest of my life.

Seems like everyone is getting married, engaged, having babies, moving away & coming back. I remember the summers dragging on forever now I can't wait till fall so life can slow down. I still haven't found time to hang the pictures on the walls.

So I'm sitting in my nice apartment... I got the job I wanted, the man I wanted & true friends. Finally I feel like I got it all & now what... I realize that no matter what you got you'll never be able to take the pain out of your loved ones eye's, you'll never be able to cure diseases & you'll definitely never be able to bring loved ones back from the dead. When I was running around every night chasing fireflies dreaming about what kind of a person my boyfriend would be, if the hair on my trolls was perfect                                                                                                                                                                                                              & all the animals I would buy. I never felt concerned about losing loved ones, praying for family & wishing people would gain common sense. I think sometimes people get too wrapped up in the wants & forget to step back & be grateful for what they are blessed with. I'm not saying I don't day dream about wanting a 07' Chrysler 300, a perfect wedding or a hot tub attached to my beautiful house I built with my future husband. What I'm saying is that I really appreciate all I have been blessed with & I want all my friends, family & Brandon to know how blessed I feel to be apart of your lives.

Take a deep breath guys & don't forget to make some time for what really matters.

Love Jess

Fork in the road

My heart. My heart is going like a million miles an hour. Omg what am I going to do? So like I said previously I got that job at Lincoln Benefit Life. I’m really excited about working for a bigger company. I start on the 20^th of this month. My boss stopped me before I went to lunch & said Jessica I would like to meet with you in my office sometime this afternoon. He said I really don’t want to lose you. He showered me with compliments & told me how impressed he is with my work. My boss isn’t the guy that has a smile on his face let alone gives out a compliment. He said I’ll pay for you too finish your business degree, I’ll pay for you to get licensed & I’ll help you get it & I also want to pay for you to take computer design classes. He said the agency is growing & he would like me to be in charge of the computer tech & graphics department or eventually become an agent if that’s what I want. I’ve been a receptionist here for 2 years I started out making $9 an hour & now I’m making $10.60 an hour & Lincoln Benefit Life is offering me $12.50 an hour. My current job is offering me an education & ultimately lots more job duties than what I already have. My gut feeling tells me that I should pursue Lincoln Benefit life I think even though there are lots of people that work there I think my hard work, dedication & personality will shine out & be noticed. Maybe I’ll save up, take classes & get my life & health license on my own. This is really a lot to think about, but ultimately I’m money driven when it comes to my career & I want a company big enough where possibilities are endless. I don’t think dreams of the future should end after high school. I feel like if I don’t take my job at Lincoln Benefit Life & I end up hating my job at All American Insurance after all my education I will be left owing this company for all they have invested in me. Even positive decisions can be stress full. More than one opportunity can feel like a fork in the road. What do people do when they have offers coming from all over & each will take you to a completely different place in your life? I have a lot to think about. I’m going out tonight, taking the day off tomorrow to go golfing & then painting. I have a lot to think about, but I’m going to do it as relaxed as possible. And to everyone out there find there own way through life that’s awesome. Society puts too much pressure on us to Graduate from high school, know what we want to do for the rest of our lives & then jump in to a 4 year school. For everyone that this worked out for I think that’s awesome, but for the rest of us who are finding a way through life with trades, licenses or experience... That’s awesome I think anyone that has the drive to move forward will no matter what path you take. As long as you take those leaps of faith & follow your heart you’ll be okay.

How do you forgive someone when they think there not wrong?

Ugh… My Dad called me yesterday. Luckily I missed his call. The Voice mail said "Hey Jessie as of today at 2:00 your baby sister was born". "Oh Jessie she's so beautiful" "Blah, blah, blah". I think that this voicemail is crap my father knows the disgust I feel about him knocking up a girl my age. Fuck she's way younger than my sister Eva. Don't oh Jessie me Dad. Let's stick too the facts. After all we haven't spoken more than two words about the subject in the past 9 months other than me telling him that he is making effects of his mid life crisis permanent. Some 50 year old men buy beamers & apparently others knock up people younger than there kids. Keep it business. The message should have gone something like this… Saint's spawn came to earth today OR the beast exited the bitches crouch today. Don't Jessie me you could have just said that you left all your retirement money at the hospital today & now you'll haft to work until you die.

            Some people complain of boredom… I could stand to live my life with fewer complications. Why does life hand me so many fucked up challenges I don't know. Suddenly Lincoln, Nebraska isn't sounding so bad. I just need to focus on all the positive & wonderful changes that have come my way after all I suppose I'm not the one that has screwed my life over. Sometimes it's just hard to see family do something that seems so immoral, gross & wrong. It's hard too watch family suffer & hurt. It's hard to watch the common sense of loved ones disappear. I wish I could look at everyone I love with no tears in my eye's & think I'm really glad there happy, responsible & have it all together. I'll just try to be the best that I can be & feel the best about myself because, that's all I can do. I just wish that this girl wasn't using my Dad for his money, I wish she wasn't such a fucking bitch & I wish she was at least in her 40's

I'm going after it all

So I got back on line today & looked at the same company I applied for yesterday & after I read some more job descriptions on there site I realized that I had more experience than I though. I reached requirements for jobs in the claims department also & I know I would be absolutely perfect for that job. So I applied at the same company for another position. I feel valuable because, I know what I have to offer & I know my skills. It is a wonderful feeling to feel like someone would be lucky to have you. I have all the confidence in the world that I will get a job at this company & even if I get put in an entry level position I know I wouln't be there for long until I get promoted. If for some crazy reason I don't get this job I'll actually walk away feeling like it was there loss & then I'll apply else where. I really want a 2005 Nissan Ultima hints the picture of it. I'm making it my goal to pay off my car, get a higher paying job & buy that sexy beast. I understand that illness, surgery's & mental disorders can hold a person back from excelling financially to a certain degree but, I feel like there is no reason why I or anyone else has a dream of having more money shouldn't have more money. I think to a certain extent being poor is a decision or temporary. Any one can reach there dreams if they push the motivation forward & go after what ever that person wants. Me I have a great family, friends & the love of my life... Now I want to live as comfortable as possible & I don't want financial struggles to get in the way. There is no stopping me now. Look out world I got the boy, a nice place to live & now I'm going after a job so I can get the car I want to.

I Have A Plan

I'm ready for a new job. I've been a receptionist at an insurance company for 2 years now. A month a go I sent an e-mail to my boss that said... "I’m sending you this E-mail because I didn’t want to put you on the spot. Could you please give me a job evaluation? I was wondering if I was eligible for a raise". & guess what? I still haven't gotten a response so... I typed up a very nice & professional resume & I sent it & filled out an application to another insurance company that starts out a $11.90 an hour. I started out making $9 an hour & it took me two years to get to $10.60 an hour. I'm feeling over worked & underpaid. This new job make almost $2 more an hour. I really hope I get this job. It's kind of a drive, but it would be worth it with getting out of the small office drama & making more money & there's no way it will be as overwhelming as my job. Wish me luck. I'm anxious to here back from this other place. There is lot's of negative people where I work & I'm ready to get away from it all.