Hmmm...

Wow.  Xanga, huh?  Long time, I know.  Been busy.

I don't really know why I wanted to write.  I just finished watching Premonition and it effing pissed me off.

I'm just kinda here right now, not feeling like I have much of a purpose.  I don't want to do this grad school thing.  It's terrifying me...  Really.  I don't want to fail.

I feel like a failure right now and I don't know why.  I know grad school is a good thing but I just feel like I graduated with everyone else and yet I'm still here and everyone else has moved on.  I love this place... but could that be a bad thing?  Could staying hold me back?

I'm just really scared right now.  I've always had a direction in my life - until now.  Now... I'm horrified.

"So... I'm graduated."

I know it's been a month since I last posted but I've been busy, aight?    I'm really only posting cause I'm dubbing shows at work and that leaves me half an hour to do whatever in between tapes...

I graduated.  Can you believe it?  Fastest three years of my life!  Luckily, I'm not going anywhere, but I'm happy to have it behind me.  The day was amazing and I will miss everyone that's moving away...  But life right now is great and I'm having a blast! 

I've started two new jobs since my last post - one as a communications person at the OSU Alumni Association and one as the morning director for TV-31's Morning Editing in Stillwater.  I like them both, but probably the alumni job more.  I get to write for STATE Magazine and meet a lot of amazing people in Stillwater.  I also get to produce videos for them and work on the website.  I've met some wonderful new people whom I know already will be lifelong friends!

Not much else is new...  I work.  A lot.  The director job requires me to be at the station from 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. Monday through Friday.  That nearly killed me the first week but I'm doing pretty good now.  I'm usually at the alumni job from 9:00 until 3:00ish, depending on the day...  I think the best thing I've discovered about writing for them instead of the O'Colly is 1. I get paid by the hour and not the piece and 2. I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT HOME WITH ME!  That's the best part, mainly because I usually crash for two hours when I get home hehe...

Besides work, this summer is going to be very eventful.  My 21st birthday is FINALLY coming up in July!  First one to graduate... last one to turn 21.  Jennifer's wedding will also be in July as well as a trip to Georgia in early September to see OSU play the Bulldogs.  There also might be trip(s) to Vegas and/or Minneapolis mixed in there somewhere...

I guess that's all for now.  Facebook me if you're in Stilly and want to hang out!

"The Real World."

Wow - a lesson in the real world even before I graduate college.  What's the news?

IT SUCKS!!!

Yup, that's right, sucks more than a Hoover.  Sucks more than ou.  Sucks sucks SUCKS!

I went to the funeral of the fiance of one of my JB friends today.  He was 24 and died in a car accident Saturday night.  This young, bright girl, who graduates in just one week, who had prepared to spend the rest of her life with this man she had been with for five years, is now alone.  Why?  I don't know.  SUCKS!

I can't comprehend her pain.  I can't comprehend her loss.  I can't comprehend having something like that happen at such a transitory point in your life.  It makes me sick.

I hurt for her and I hurt because I'm not ready to graduate.  I know, I'm staying, but still.  Tomorrow, I will sit through my last undergraduate lecture.  After tomorrow, I won't have any more classes with Sharone or Becca or Kiley, and it's freaking me out.

I'm not ready.  I'm just not ready.

"Home Stretch."

I was doing ok until today.  I'm graduating; I know it, but today it hit me.  We were watching the last episode of Cowboy Connection titled "Finished."  Some of the guys put together a very sad ending that showed all our pictures and names and made us all want to cry.

I know I'm going to be here for graduate school but I just can't believe I'm graduating already.  My entire life - literally - has been based on this moment - my graduation from Oklahoma State University.  The last three years have been the best of my life and if I could hit rewind and relive every moment, I would.  I'm excited for what the future holds but I am very, very reluctant to move on.

What I'm going to miss most are my JB friends.  Not all of them are graduating, but some very important ones are, and I'm not going to know what to do when I don't see their faces in the hallways.  I've gone through the program with them, through awful classes like Media Law and crazy ones like Video Production.  I've learned with them, laughed with them, cried with them, even drank with them, and I'm not ready to say goodbye.  I know I'll probably be in tears from the moment I see them all in our black graduation gowns until way past the ceremony...  I just don't want to say goodbye.

This little state university in this windswept northern Oklahoma town is heaven on Earth.  I wouldn't trade my time and memories here for anything in the world.  This is my home.

"Two weeks."

Hi.  It's me.  I'm procrastinating.  Senioritis...  It's bad.

I hate my Sexuality in America class.  HATE IT.  Our final is to write a paper (a lecture) about several different topics.  The paper is suppose to be what we would say teaching a class over the topics - a full 50-minute class.  Do you know how long that paper's going to have to be for a verbal lecture 50 minutes long?!?!  HATE IT!

That's really all I have to bitch about.  There was a lot more but I bitched about it on the phone and it's all been fixed so yeah.

I'm ready to graduate.  I'm ready to start working at the Alumni Association.  I applied for a position at KOTV that I am fairly confident I'll get, so I'm excited about that.  I'm just ready to get there!

Random OSU Pic of the Day:

Progress.