outtamyleague's Xanga

My Life Soundtrack

Fri, 30 May 2008 03:18:44 GMT

So, I can't sleep at all. I'm going to do this little survey-ish thing I stole from Meghan off of facebook. However, I'm going to do it completely over again because I'm bored. Killing time, seeing how it turns out this time around. w00t!

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So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

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Opening Credits:
“Me Against the World” -- Superchic[k]

This one's ideal! I couldn't have picked a better beginning song for my opening credits. "It's me against the world today. I'm gonna do it my own way..."

Waking Up:
“Not the Doctor” -- Alanis Morsette

"It's too much to ask for, and I am not the doctor." I agree, Alanis. Wait. Does this mean I don't have to wake up? Doctors wake up early, right?

First Day at School:
“Open Arms” -- Journey

Let's just say that I do not go to school with open arms... ever. Don't get me wrong. I totally appreciate school. It's just a kind of appreciation that comes about when you know you can't make it far without something, but you'd rather not take the steps to get there. Y'know?

Jr. High:
“You Raise Me Up” -- Josh Groban

So, this is random! Josh Groban was in my Jr. High section on my facebook version of this, too! Anyway, I guess Jr. High "raised me up to more than I could be." However, I totally could've lived without the drama.

High School:
“I Can't Stop Loving You” -- Tom Jones

Wrongo again! I am NOT in love with high school. However, I do love Tom Jones. He's a Welshman. Hoorah!

Friends:
“A Page is Turned” -- Bebo Norman

Hm. Does this mean I'll fall in love with one of my friends? It's an amazing song, but more of a wedding variety really.

Puppy Love:
“Winter Wonderland” -- Clay Aiken

Something tells me this isn't a puppy love kinda song. Well, let's improvise here. Walking in a winter wonderland is kinda romantic, yeah? And snowing while you're walking through the winter wonderland could be romantic. Okay, it could work possibly...

Fight Song:
“Vegas Two Times” -- Stereophonics

Another Welsh-oriented group. Oh, how I love them! Hm. Well, they say: "leave, leave, leave" many times... so maybe they're telling me I need to leave my fight? Fighting takes place in Vegas, most definitely. Yay for stretching songs to make them work for my soundtrack!

Breaking Up:
“Move Along” -- The All-American Rejects

May I just point out that this is a brilliant break up song? I'm sure I'm not the first one to figure that out, though. I'm glad my media player picked it for me on this section. "When everything is wrong, we move along."

Prom:
“Miles to Go” -- Dave Barnes

This is more of a been there, done that sorta song, but it's good. You can take a verse out of context for prom: "lift up your eyes, and don't stand still." It's always a good thing to be moving the day of your prom, yeah?

Graduation:
“Run” -- Snow Patrol

Ah yes. An amazing love song, this is. It does say, however, "we'll run for our lives." I definitely was thrilled to graduate from good ol' NWHS. Hoorah!

College:
“American Idiot” -- Green Day

I'm going to college in hopes I can get rid of my American idiotness. I'm not holding my breath, though. This song makes me a mixture of happy and irritated. Gotta love our friends from the north, though. ;D

Mental Breakdown:
“Wake Up” -- Story of the Year

"You don't know what you've got until it's gone, 'til it's gone." I guess in this case, this song works. You'd be surprised that you were once sane when you have a mental breakdown. However, to lose sanity, you must've once upon a time had it, right? This is off of the new Story of the Year cd. I saw them perform it live, and it was amazing.

Driving:
“Without You” -- Big Daddy Weave

Like I said in facebook and will say again, I try to listen to Christian music when I'm in a hectic driving mood. It calms me down and reminds me of Who exactly is in charge here. This song is a great one, though, that talks about what life really means apart from God. =D Definitely happiness in this one.

Falling in Love:
“Thank You for Loving Me” -- Bon Jovi

Okay, so seriously... this song is an ideal love song. I happened to learn this song from a certain someone I love, and the words are gorgeous. The song is about a person thanking someone else for loving them regardless of all the faults. It's nice.

Wedding:
“I'm Alright (You Gotta Go There to Come Back)” -- Stereophonics

Hm. I love the Welsh band, but this is a little not even ok for a wedding song if you ask me. I mean, it's cool that he says he'll do all these things for the one he loves, but all this "I'm alright" nonsense just makes me think he's in denial. It's kinda a sad-ish song, in my opinion.

Birth of Child:
“Let Me Entertain You” -- Ella Enchanted

"Let us entertain you, and we'll have a real good time." Hm. I'm thinking the birth of a child is a little more painful for mom, if anything, but I guess it could be entertaining to any other outside party member. Who knows? What a humorous song for this part of my soundtrack!

Life:
“Please Don't Let Me Love You” -- Hank Williams Sr.

I could kinda see this being a recurring theme in my life story just because love comes with opening one's self up to pain. I love pretty easily sometimes, which is both good and bad. We're supposed to love one another, but that doesn't necessarily mean to carelessly let your guard down. Either way, I could totally relate to good ol' Hank on this one. ;) Even if he did seem to be a bit of a crybaby.

Final Battle:
“Place in This World” -- Michael W. Smith

Well, if it's a final battle, I'm guessing my place in this world won't matter too much longer. Maybe my mind will be beyond this world and focusing on my place in my new home, huh? Ah, heaven-bound!

Death Scene:
“Serve the Lord” -- Carman

This song makes me giggle, especially as the song for my potential death scene. I think if this song were to be played at my death scene, I'd have to be a martyr to do it some justice. Yay for martyrdom!

Funeral Song:
“Good Morning, Beautiful” -- Steve Holy

When I first thought of this as a funeral song, I laughed. Irony. "'Good morning' when I'm dead? Strange." However, it could work out. I wouldn't mind it too much if Jesus were to say "Good morning, beautiful" to me when I arrive in heaven. It could pretty much make my heart happy...

Ending Credits:
“Cyclone” -- Baby Bash f. T-Pain

Haha! So very far beyond any of my other songs, you can blame this one on Travis. It came from his mp3 player! Seriously, this would crack everyone up if it came along for ending credits! I'd totally make it happen just to see how people took the change of pace. My dad would probably flip and say a few final prayers for my soul.

Wide Awake at 1 A.M.

Wed, 21 May 2008 02:01:05 GMT

I should be asleep, but I haven't been able to go back to bed since 11:30 ish. I actually fell asleep at nine, so it's probably my fault entirely. My body can't take me going to bed long before midnight anymore. I need to get back on a regular sleeping schedule before I start classes again.

Speaking of, Wednesday (tomorrow/today... whichever way you look at it) is my open house at the future college. w00t! I'm nervous/excited. My sister should be able to get out of work just before the open house, so I'm looking forward to her going with me. I'm not sure wheter or not I'll be able to enroll in time for the summer semester, especially considering I'd have to get my ACT scores and official transcript from HLG sent in. However, I'm definitely going to be in classes come October.

With my enrollment process all taken care of, I should be able to officially apply for a job. I'm not sure where I'm going to work just yet, but I can't wait to earn money again! =D

All that being said, I suppose I should try to make myself sleepy so that I can get back to snoozing. I want to be well rested for the open house later on today.

In what ways are you similar to your mother?

Fri, 09 May 2008 01:32:57 GMT

I am not like my mother! ... Okay, so let's just face it. I'm more like her than I thought. Heck, we're alike in that we both would deny that we're anything like our mothers! Anyone who is familiar with my family would realize that the women in our little tribe are a bit similar in characteristics. All the women tend to be pretty demanding from time to time, though I personally am trying to work on that. We also can lay on the manipulation like it's nobody's business (again, another flaw I'm trying to work out)!

In regards to being like my mom in specific, though, there are still ways that I am like her alone. First off, she tends to be drastically blunt more often than not, usually mixing up phrases and meanings in the process. I get that way quite often. For those of you who need an example of said behavior, here goes! In the innocence of my youth, I managed to earn the disapproval of my mom because of how trusting I was over the internet. She recently referred to my previous ignorance as me being "as dumb as a giraffe." If you're clueless as to how dumb a giraffe is or how my mom can tell a giraffe must, in fact, be dumb... it's common sense! Just ask mom. "Giraffes are dumb because their heads are so far away from their bodies." And, of course, there is always that obnoxious brother-in-law that adds in his two cents: "then frogs must be the smartest animals." We all know that mom definitely knows when to throw in the towel. BUT WAIT! She has to dig her hole deeper. "No! Frogs are amphibians!" Implying that amphibians are, in fact, not animals. Oh boy, momma.

Another way I'm like my mom is in the fact that we have similar builds. Unfortunately, I got the McNamee hips/butt, so rock on me. I blame mom. The difference is that she wears what my sister and I deem as "mom jeans," whereas we are FAR too hip to be caught dead in such attire.

Though there are many ways in which my mom and I are yet alike, I will sum it up with one final characteristic: our busy-body nature. We have to be constantly doing something to occupy ourselves or else that time is viewed as a waste. If we're worried or angry, we resort to cleaning most typically (or spending money). Mom is a bigger shopper than I am, but it all adds up to the fact that we can be a bit impulsive every now and then. She's a bit more logical than I am, but I imagine that will come to me with age.

HAPPY ALMOST MOTHERS' DAY!

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What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

Fri, 09 May 2008 01:19:42 GMT

The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, you say? Well, this one time while I was away at college, I was having a completely miserable day. To top off the craptastic afternoon, my ex-boyfriend called me up in a bit of a rage and laid on the guilt thick. He was having an off day, which I now understand, but at the time I was overwhelmed with preparing for Finals Week and things of the sort. So, anyway, a certain special someone decided to drive 2 hours north to visit me in college, taking off an evening of work in order that he could comfort me. It definitely caught me offguard but was the most amazing thing that anyone has ever done for me.

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I Feel the Earth Move...

Mon, 05 May 2008 23:25:11 GMT

First things first: college is officially out for summer! Thank God! I've already had a pretty wonderful summer thus far. Between visiting with my family, friends, and just relaxing... I can definitely say it feels great to be home. Now comes the time for decisions, though. I have to decide, officially, where I plan on going for the remainder of my education. I've looked into a local college, but from what I can tell, I'll wind up studying at that particular university for at least 2 years before getting my BA in English. That would be most unfortunate for me. The more I look into nursing programs, the more enticing it seems. I can go year-round at my sister's school of nursing and make my bachelor's happen pretty quickly. I know that it would take 3 years to get my BSN, but the pay would be a bit better than I'm likely to get as an English Major. Not to mention, I'd love working with cancer patients (particularly the children). It's always been an amibition of mine that I've felt so inadequate to fill, but I suppose that's why you go to school, right? We'll see. I'm still praying about it and talking to my sister about the options, but it's looking more and more appealing as time goes on.

Onto recent news! There was another earthquake this morning that was less than a 3.0 on the scale. Isn't that strange? Mom thought it was an aftershock from the one we had last month, but they figured out that the epicenter was located further away from the first big earthquake. Strange. The news also mentioned a story about a little newborn boy who was found in a trashcan in an alleyway not too far from where I live. I just don't get that at all. Don't get me wrong; I've never been pregnant. I don't know how hard it must be to have a child in certain situations, but I don't see how just throwing it out would be greater than all the other options. I don't see abortion as an option, but you could always give it up for adoption or leave it with the local authorities. Apparently it was found with a long ambilical cord still intact and all messy still... so I'm guessing the mother didn't go through the birthing process within the confines of a hospital. That's so dangerous. I don't get how a woman could carry a baby for nearly 9 months and then just toss it out like last week's trash. Disgusting.

Other than my random ranting and recent joy over being done at HLG, I've been reading and doing a bit of homework lately. It feels good to read anything I choose and get away with it. Ah, sweet freedom.

P.S. I just took a typing test for kicks, and yay! I got 87 wpm. I pretty much rocked it out, huh?

Who are the top five people that inspire you and why?

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:55:20 GMT

I would like to begin by stating that this list is in no particular order. Since I was limited to five people of inspiration, I left out my favorite Biblical characters (I have too many of those). Besides, I didn't want to cop out and state people that are recognized every day. My five inspirations get overlooked far too often, and we just can't let that happen today. That being said, enjoy!

P.S. I'm adding a sixth inspiration for good measure! ;D

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."
(Abraham Lincoln)

My first inspiration in my life is the woman who brought me into this world. It may seem pretty cliche, but my mom has always been there for me. She was the one who worked two jobs to take care of us while my dad was off doing his own thing. My mom was the one who made all the mistakes and was open enough to admit them to me so that I didn't ahve to do the same. She got me involved in church originally, and always provided for me more than enough. Mom gave us all she could never have herself. Probably the most wonderful thing about my mother is the fact that she never needed to hear a word from me to know exactly what I was thinking. When I would lock myself up in my room, she'd always follow me to the door and knock until I'd open up. She was one of my closest allies growing up, and remains as such to this day. The main song that makes me think of my mom the most is "Baby Mine" or "By the Light of the Silvery Moon." She sang both of those to me all the time when I was growing up.

"How do people make it thorugh life without a sister?"
(Sarah Corpening)

You've got it. My second person of inspiration in this world would have to be my sister Tammy. There are so many reasons to give Tammy this position, but they all amount to the same thing: her amazing heart. Tammy (aka: Tot) always looked out for me growing up. She spoiled me rotten as a grandmother would her grandchild, only she was my older sister. She used to babysit for my mom, and even if our mother was home, never failed to take me along with her on dates to the movies and even to her prom (go figure)! Tot is my partner in crime, or as I once heard it said: "my other half." We are two separate people who are very alike in spirit, and for her I am grateful. One has to earn the trust of my sister to win my complete approval. The song that always makes me think of Tammy would have to be the "Sisters" song off of White Christmas. That's our jam. ;)

"A house needs a grandma in it."
(Louisa May Alcott)

My grandma--Betty Lou Verna Mae, known to us as "Nanny." An incredible women that never was too busy to watch the grandchildren, and always too honest to allow us outside of the house with a hideous outfit on! Nanny was the voice of reason in our household, even if she didn't always say things in a gentle, graceful manner. I see my mom turning into her more and more every year, and I can't say I absolutely hate that. I love my grandma very much. She had great taste in men, and yet could always see through phony personalities. She made our home a lot more living-friendly when she was around, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. Any church hymns or Patsy Cline songs remind me of her, but especially "Crazy" (Patsy) and "Softly and Tenderly" (church hymn). Another big song that she used to adore was "Stroll Over Heaven with You" (Alan Jackson).

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
(David O. McKay)

My mother didn't exactly have a happy marriage with my dad, but when my stepfather came along, it all turned around. That is why my fourth person of inspiration is my stepfather Ben. He worked hard to mesh our families together, and the struggle was well worth it. I grew up with this man, and he has become just as much of a father to me as my own. I love him dearly, and hope someday to have a marriage similar to the one that he has with my mother. Ben never stops thinking about how he can help mom out, never stops giving to us (his children/grandchildren), and always has a cheery word to say even in the worse of times. I couldn't imagine my life being nearly as complete without him in it. The main song I think of when considering him is "Daddy's Hands" (Holly Dunn).

"A father carries pictures where his money used to be."
(Author Unknown)

My final inspiration is my biological dad. He didn't have the most positive impact on my life early on, but I know he never meant to do anything to harm myself or my siblings. Dad grew out of his fairly selfish stage in my late teens, and ever since it has been a little bit easier attempting to be an active part of his life. If there is one thing he's never been lacking in, it's love and support towards me. He helped mom put me through college, purchased my first car, and saw to it that I had everything beyond what I needed to survive. Dad adores his children, and it's evident. He worked extra jobs to make sure that he could spoil his family rotten, and there's not a day that passes that I forget that. Dad's becoming a great man of the Lord, and has been an inspiration to me in that aspect as well. The song I think of when I think of my dad is "I Loved Her First" (Heartland).

"Love will keep us alive."
(The Eagles)

My Uncle Ron is number six. He is the person in my life who gave me a passion for music, and not to mention, he's an amazing guitarist. Uncle Ron inspired me to pick up learning musical instruments, and I must admit, the one who has convicted me of having abandoned them for quite some time (though he didn't mention a word about it). He had a pretty hard life, having been considered the "black sheep" among our relatives. However, Uncle Ron has always been another avenue of support in my life. Although he hasn't always had himself planted firmly on the ground, I could always trust Uncle Ron to be there for me. His commitment to life and patience in long-suffering are definite inspirations to me. When I think of Uncle Ron, rock n' roll comes to mind. The main song I think of is "Desperado" and "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles.

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A Lesson on Love from the Hand of an Amateur

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:45:41 GMT

"A life without love is no life at all."
(Ever After)

Pretty heavy, huh? DaVinci couldn't have been more dead on, and for once, Hollywood has my complete attention. If love truly is so very significant, why is it so many people are so afraid of the concept? I, for one, was one of those people. When I'm honest with myself, I can't deny that I still am in many ways. The problem, however, doesn't come with the fact that love isn't desirable. It comes from the depressing truth that the world no longer understands the true context of love as God has intended it. The world settles for emotions and strong feelings that no doubt fade faster than the month of May. Is it a wonder why marriages no longer last?

All that being said, I figured I owed at least one xanga entry to that which I consider to be love. I will more than likely hit on the friendship side of love just as much so as the romantic/marriage sorta love. I think both are significant, maybe the friendship sorta love a little moreso. After all, you can't have a passionate, lasting love with a significant lover if you cannot first be their friend. Passion can be quite selfish; friendship, at best, is self-sacrificial. The Bible says it all in John 15: "there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends" (NLT).

My first question of myself when dealing with love regards what the characteristics of true love really are. Naturally, my mind always drifts back to 1 Corinthians 13. This isn't the only spot that the Bible describes that which is genuine love. However, it is the most point-blank set of verses within my mind. If they still don't give you a firm picture of what love is, perhaps you should consider the life of Jesus. I know that may sound cliche, but who can refute the goodness that was Jesus? Even those that deny him the title of Savior can't suggest he is anything less than a really selfless, amazing man. Anyway, back to those verses from Paul's letter to the Corinthians.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

(1 Corinthians 13:4-13; NIV)

The first indention of the previous quote discusses characteristics of love. The funny thing is that all of these characteristics aren't always present within the context of human love. In a perfect world, they would be. On God's part, they are. However, that doesn't mean we should completely forget the characteristics altogether. I don't think I've ever experienced genuine love that hasn't had at least a few of these characteristics present. Another interesting thing to note is that each of these characteristics take effort to get down. It's not always easy to be kind, patient, selfless, and forgiving. These things don't just come to you. You have to work to make these things happen. Not only that, but you need God's assistance. It says in the Bible that "God is love." I truly believe that there is no such thing as selfless love apart from the nature of the Lord. Therefore, how can one love wholly and to the best of their being without His assistance? God is the Creator of love, after all. Apart from that, He is the Creator of you and all of those individuals down here you're meant to love. Why not go to the Author for assistance with loving those He entrusted to you?

Aside from the fact that we should love because God first loved us, let's try to get another fleshy reason to love one another.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves."
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; NIV)

So we should love one another not only because it's what we're designed to do, but also because it's a great help to us personally. I know this is a little more on the selfish side, but I think it's probably significant to point out during those times we're having troubles loving the "unlovable." With the help of another, life is more tolerable. How many stories have you heard about individuals who have contemplated suicide but avoided that track altogether because they realized somebody cared enough to love them? I can't think of one victory story that doesn't involve the intervention of someone submitting to their call to love one another! That aside, how much easier would the battles in life be with the combined efforts of you and another person whom you love? Who honestly wants to face life alone?

And for those of you who say, "Oh, that's me!"... what made you get that way? My guess is a love lost or a past scar from what you once perceived to be love. Let me tell you from experience, as a man I love dearly tends to tell me consistently: it is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all. "The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back" (Wedding Date). Sure, the process of "losing love" is no pleasant one. Let's face it, though. If it truly is/was love, it is never really lost. There are many I have loved in my life that have never really left me. I still love them dearly and hope for the best for them. That doesn't mean I don't have pains or hurts as a result because, let's just face it, we're human. We mess up love all the time. However, the Bible never promised love would be easy. It just promised that if you live a life of love, you will reap more benefits.

Finally, I want to conclude with two more quotes that I greatly enjoy. The first is from a movie that I would suggest if you haven't seen it already (simply because I'm a hopeless romantic). It shows that not all love begins as love, and even when it progresses into love, it isn't always perfect. Love comes with trials, pains, even points at which the lovers can't stand to see each other. The reality is, however, that love doesn't fail. Anyway, the movie is Fools Rush In. I wouldn't encourage you to always buy into Hollywood's attempt at portraying love, but this movie in and of itself is cute. Therefore, we'll overlook it. The following quote is by one of my favorite writers from back in the day: Shakespeare. I know he is by no means the person to model a life after, but some of his ideas on love were very insightful. I think the man loved someone properly in his lifetime, regardless as to whether or not it was his wife (sad story). Anyway, enjoy, and I hope I gave you some food for thought.

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it."
(Fools Rush In)

"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain."
(Shakespeare)

Are you happy with the name your parents gave you? Why or why not?

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:08:23 GMT

I wasn't going to do this, but because of my own reluctance to do my American Lit homework, I am going to ease your minds with my answer to this Featured Question.

Interesting question, really. I've thought about this one a lot before because, in all actuality, my sister named me. You see, my mom & dad gave my sister and brother (Tammy & Ryan) permission to name me. If I was born a girl, my sister got to name me; if a boy, my brother would name me. Lucky me, I got the better of the two. My sister gave me my name, which is ideal because my brother wanted to name me "Rocky." Ugh.

In light of the story I just told you, I'm pleased with the name that I didn't receive. On a whole other note, though, I am still not completely pleased with the name "Ashley Marie." First off, it's completely common. "Marie" is one of the most common middle names in the United States, and I'm willing to bet that variations of "Mary" are probably just as equally popular throughout the world.

Also, being named "Ashley" provides me with all kinds of issues. First of all, I have at least 6 friends with the very same first name. It made things interesting during my high school graduation, but even moreso it's frustrating now. When people say "actually", I often turn and look because I get confused as to whether or not they're speaking to me. It sounds similar to me. Aside from that, the meaning of "my first name isn't very appealing.

Ashley--from the ash tree meadow/field
Marie--bitter

I suppose, if nothing else, we can take pride in the fact that ash trees typically are pretty sturdy things. Maybe my name merely implies that I'm unmoving and stubborn? Just maybe. At least my great-great-grandma Ella Marie shares a similar fate to my own.

There you have it. I'm so very fortunate. I couldn't really suggest a more desirable name at the moment, though I'm quite content in the fact that most of my close friends call me by something else.

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Hm.

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:03:51 GMT

How many "first entries" have I had on this thing? If only I could stick to one xanga, then just maybe we'd be set. But alas, here's another. I really have no clue what to do with this other than post up my playlist on my profile, but we'll see what else comes of it. Sister, if nothing else, I know you still use these things. You'll talk to me, right?

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, ma soeur. School is kicking my butt, though. I'm ready to be home. Isn't it strange that I feel farther away from home than I did while in Wales? Maybe that's just a sign that I really do need to come home after the semester. Now if only Fontbonne would get back to me! (I know you said UMSL, Sister, but I really don't want to pay the application fee at the moment... maybe over summer.)

So what's new since I last wrote on here? *checks* Wow, the last time I wrote was two summers ago, right? I just got back from Michigan... so I'm guessing a bit has changed since then. Man, I suck at this game. Maybe, just maybe if you're lucky, I'll fill you in after finishing my workload (which means... after April has been thrown away). That icon I picked up is pretty true... homework ate my social life.

At least one good thing can come from my studies. I get to read a few pretty sweet authors. The following is a recent favorite. He's not typically my cup of tea, but today the guy just rubbed me the right way. Hm... I need to finish Macbeth soon.

The Ivy Crown
William Carlos Williams

The whole process is a lie,
          unless,
                    crowned by excess,
it break forcefully,
          one way or another,
                   from its confinement-
or find a deeper well.
          Antony and Cleopatra
                   were right;
they have shown
          the way. I love you
                    or I do not live
at all.

Daffodil time
         is past. This is
                   summer, summer!
the heart says,
        and not even the full of it.
                   No doubts
are permitted--
        though they will come
                   and may
before our time
        overwhelm us.
                   We are only mortal
but being mortal
        can defy our fate.
                   We may
by an outside chance
        even win! We do not
                   look to see
jonquils and violets
        come again
                   but there are,
still,
        the roses!

Romance has no part in it.
        The business of love is
                   cruelty which,
by our wills,
        we transform
                   to live together.
It has seasons,
         for and against,
                   whatever the heart
fumbles in the dark
        to assert
                    toward the end of May.
Just as the nature of briars
       is to tear flesh,
                    I have proceeded
through them.
       Keep
                    the briars out,
they say.
       You cannot live
                    and keep free of
briars.

Children pick flowers.
       Let them.
                    Though having them
in hand
        they have no further use for them
                    but leave them crumpled
at the curb's edge.
At our age the imagination
        across the sorry facts
                    lifts us
to make roses
        stand before thorns.
                    Sure
love is cruel,
        and selfish
                    and totally obtuse--
at least, blinded by the light,
        young love is.
                     But we are older,
I to love
        and you to be loved,
                     we have,
no matter how,
        by our wills survived
                      to keep
the jeweled prize
         always
                       at our finger tips.
We will it so
         and so it is
                       past all accident.