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i'm struggling a lot.

i talked to mrs. kauffman tonight. i was so scared and sweaty to call their house. a part of me wanted him to answer, but i also knew i couldn't talk to him. i see more now how a part of me is still holding onto him. i am trying to let go, to surrender to God. it hurts so much sometimes, but i know i want to do what God wants of me.

she was an encouragement to me. and as hurt and angry with him as i am sometimes, i know that ultimately i love him enough to want him to work through this. i know he has to do this without me, and i know i can't take back the mistakes i've made, but i pray that he will overcome.

i know God is a God of restoration. and i believe that He can do anything.

Lord, please restore him and me. i want him to love You more than anything. help me surrender him to You, to move on and allow You to work in his life.

I been sittin' here staring
At the clock on the wall
And I been layin here praying
Praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying
And I'll be beggin you baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my heart on my sleeve
Oh for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why dont you stay
Im down on my knees
Im so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We dont have to live this way
Baby why dont you stay


You keep telling me baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used
And I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why dont you stay
Im down on my knees
Im so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We dont have to live this way
Baby why dont you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So the next time you find
You wanna leave her bed for mine

Why dont you stay
Im up off my knees
Im so tired of being lonely
You cant give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I dont have to live this way
Baby why dont you stay