I partied it up last night.

Had a swell time actually.

But I made out with someone,

which I guess is considered cheating.

I thought Id feel guilty, but thats negative.

But I love him so much,

Why I would do something like that is beyond my control.. The sick thing is, when I was doing things with this guy, I was pretending it WAS my boyfriend. Sickening? I suppose. But I wanted someone, and he wasnt there so I guess I made do, im a not-so-good Girl.

 I wish I never wouldve said its over, and I cant pretend I wont think about you when Im older, cause we never really had our closer , I think You deserve much better than me.

So today was actually really good, until now.

My bestfriend, maybe not so much.

I miss my other best friend like crazy.

I think im starting to fade to EVERYONE.

Even my b/f, I think hes had enough of my shit, Im thinkin im starting to fade to him also, which breaks my heart, that EVERYONE is forgetting about me.

Im so depressed now, my fantastic day is NO more.

But I think I brought this upon myself.

My nose is running down my face.

I feel tired and sick.

My boyfriend hates me.

Im passing school. (good news)

My cell phone is still non existent.

I miss my old life.

I miss him.

I miss my family & friends.

Im a creep.

I feel like death.

Thats L i f e.

Seize the day or DIE regretting the time you lost<33

Im so cold right now, and I feel sick, WONDERFUL.

I suppose school wasnt that bad, not exactly the time of my life though.

I love my boyfriend still.

&& I wish I could just never cut myself again.

&& I need to lose weight here, im developing chubbiness.

I cant wait till christmad break!

FUCK.

Im in love && its absolutely AMAZING, I never imagined something like that would ever happen to me. Hes so great, I just dont understand how the hell I got so lucky? It just seems too good to be true, nothing so great ever happens to me, I hope nothing goes wrong and its everything we hoped it to be.

Anyways, I got VERY drunk last night, Im really surprised that I didnt puke. Im a TROOPER.

Also I was cutting myself for a little minute, and when I was drunk yesterday I snuck in the bathroom with the steak knife and tore my FUCKING arm up! Its really bad, before No one really noticed the cuts but now they are dark and bloody and VERY noticable, im going to have to wear long sleeves until they heal a little more. Ugh I dont know why I even do it I dont! It cant be for attention because Im hiding it from everyone. We shall see what Happens I suppose.